i regularly think ab how marco rivero ochoa blasted the front row w mustard at zest fest and after he got in trouble for it bc that’s not allowed (prob restrictions due to food safety and allergies) he was j like “that’s the splash zone sorry☹️”
on September 25, 2023
tw ed
im gonna accept defeat and call my school’s counseling service bc my emetophobia has developed into full blown anorexia and i almost passed out during voice lessons on wednesday
im gonna accept defeat and call my school’s counseling service bc my emetophobia has developed into full blown anorexia and i almost passed out during voice lessons on wednesday
on September 25, 2023
on September 24, 2023
in hindsight the fact that i managed to make it through high school without anyone ever even considering the possibility that i had bpd is insane
was genuinely so obvious, i would attach myself to people like a leech, suck them dry and then stay there and starve. i remember sophomore year i had a crush on a guy who wasn’t interested and it fully sent me into this full fledged spiral that lasted several months
on September 24, 2023
on September 24, 2023
almost made the worst mistake of my life (was about to send ****** a song i was listening to for the first time and i’d pulled up the thing and was typing “this song reminds me of you:)” and right as i was typing the smiley face she blatantly calls the person she’s singing about the f slur (using it as a slur, not talking about a cigarette) i had to put my phone down and use both hands to cover my mouth)
on September 30, 2023
on September 24, 2023
ppl always talk ab how addictive tattoos are but absolutely nothing could’ve prepared me for this i need more asap
on September 23, 2023
on September 23, 2023
does anyone remember in like 2020 when ppl thought having tics/tourette’s was this cute quirky thing and would literally pretend to have it
ppl don’t make fun of me for it as much anymore which is good (i live in chicago so me having tics is like a 3 on the weird scale) but idk it’s j inconvenient last week i had one so violent it knocked over my water bottle and my friend laughed at me
on September 23, 2023
as someone who (probably) actually has tics (not tourette’s related, i just have really bad anxiety and during panic attacks i flinch and twitch uncontrollably, pull my hair, and scratch myself) thay shit is so weird. i went to high school with this super narcissist wannabe punk nepo baby and she would constantly make fun of me bc my main nervous tick was touching See More my face and hair and i remember once she literally yelled at me not to do it in front of the whole class which was so embarrassing but like yeah it’s not something you want to have
on September 23, 2023
on September 23, 2023
my favorite joke is just adding the word “evil” to anything
“ate the evil french fry” “this is evil weather” “that’s evil music” “smoked some evil weed”
on September 23, 2023
on September 23, 2023
i have searched all over the loop area for some guitar strings why do the only music stores here just carry violin strings
on September 23, 2023
in a friend group w two dude who both seem to be all over me (one of them asked me to get coffee w him and the other liked me on hinge a little while back j before i started talking to ******) and they’ve both started calling me “the lady” and also they’re both friends with ****** which makes this even more awkward and terrifying (they don’t know we’re talking)
on September 22, 2023
who remembers when i was a middle school asshole band kid and hated orchestra and was always complaining ab how much better band was and stuff
middle school j would shit her pants if she found out that i’m literally in orchestra in college
on September 22, 2023
on September 22, 2023
on September 21, 2023
on September 21, 2023
some life updates
-almost shit my pants today bc there’s a guy on campus posing as a student and robbing columbia students and he approached me today and tried to get me to give him money but i told him no and he followed me to the coffee shop but then left he didn’t successfully rob me and hopefully campus security will deal with him but still Very scary and not cool situation wtf
-played flute in orchestra for the first time:D was so scary
-sooo ready for fall:D i’m gonna See More make so many fun harvest treats. wanna invite the person i’m seeing over to bake pumpkin bread with me.
-ive felt so pretty lately. been wearing skirts a lot and i found a good lipstick shade finally.
-legitimately can not remember if i took my sleep medication or not oops
-almost shit my pants today bc there’s a guy on campus posing as a student and robbing columbia students and he approached me today and tried to get me to give him money but i told him no and he followed me to the coffee shop but then left he didn’t successfully rob me and hopefully campus security will deal with him but still Very scary and not cool situation wtf
-played flute in orchestra for the first time:D was so scary
-sooo ready for fall:D i’m gonna See More make so many fun harvest treats. wanna invite the person i’m seeing over to bake pumpkin bread with me.
-ive felt so pretty lately. been wearing skirts a lot and i found a good lipstick shade finally.
-legitimately can not remember if i took my sleep medication or not oops
on September 21, 2023
im j rambling atp but the other thing ab emetophobia is that it is so much more than “just a phobia”. i’m not “a little bit scared of throwing up.” it sends me into a full out panic. i would rather die the most painful, excruciating, non-throwing up death there is. i’d do just about anything if it was a guaranteed that i’d never throw up again. ive lost interest in the things i used to love because i’m scared of contracting an illness and i know that i’m sitting around wasting See More the best years of my life but i can’t help it, im too miserable to do anything. some days i get panic attacks so bad i miss class. sleep isn’t even a relief for me anymore. i wake up in the middle of the night hyperventilating. it’s developed into an eating disorder, i don’t eat until i feel like im going to pass out and even then i only eat a little tiny bit of food. also my entire diet is based around what will hurt least and not taste as bad if i throw up so in turn i’m constantly exhausted bc i’m malnourished.
idk what to do anymore i’ve tried countless treatments and nothing works i think i’m just gonna have to live out the rest of my life in misery
idk what to do anymore i’ve tried countless treatments and nothing works i think i’m just gonna have to live out the rest of my life in misery
on September 19, 2023
i think emetophobia needs to be classified as its own mental illness rather than a phobia/manifestation of OCD because it has quite literally affected me more than borderline personality disorder and nobody understands except other emetophobics, it’s completely taken over my life
on September 19, 2023
ive felt like a crywank song for weeks now but i think i’m on the rise again. i hope so god
on September 17, 2023