Today was mostly okay, but my day was ruined by something that happened this morning.
When I got to school this morning, I was really early, so I waited outside my form room with Lollipop Girl and a few other people in my form. Then I heard the girl who yelled at me in the changing rooms after PE a few weeks ago (Let's call her Perfume Girl) say, "I'm going to go and talk to her, because she doesn't talk." I knew she was talking about me, and I felt really scared, because she's See More a really intimidating person, and I knew she'd probably yell at me and try to make me to talk to her. Then she came over to me, and she asked me if I could talk. I tried to say yes, but I couldn't. She started yelling at me and asking me to tell her my name, and she got even more angry when I didn't say anything. I felt like I was going to cry or panic, but I was trying so hard not to. Then she kept shouting at me and asking me to repeat sentences, and everyone was crowding around me. Then I started to have a panic attack, and it was horrible. I started crying, but I was trying not to look upset in front of Perfume Girl, because she would just make fun of me even more if I showed that what she was saying was affecting me. Then she said, "I'm not going to talk to you anymore, your existence bores me." and she walked off to talk to her friends. Then I started crying uncontrollably, and I was shaking really badly and hyperventilating. I actually felt like I had lost control over myself, and it was just horrible. Then TheDoctorsQueen arrived at school and saw me having a panic attack, and she came over to me to try and help. She gave me tissues to wipe my eyes, and I tried to tell her what happened. Then I heard Perfume Girl loudly say, "Wow, I just asked her what her name is, and now she's having a panic attack! That's so stupid and strange, I've never seen a person like that in my life!" That just made it even worse, and I felt horrible when everyone else agreed with her and made fun of me. When the teacher arrived at school and let us go into our form room, nobody asked if I was okay, and I could feel everyone staring at me and judging me. I managed to calm down after a while, but it was just awful.
And now I'm terrified of Perfume Girl, and I feel like she's going to bully me or something. She already bullies a lot of other people, and she always says really horrible things to the people she bullies. I really don't want that to happen to me. :/
When I got to school this morning, I was really early, so I waited outside my form room with Lollipop Girl and a few other people in my form. Then I heard the girl who yelled at me in the changing rooms after PE a few weeks ago (Let's call her Perfume Girl) say, "I'm going to go and talk to her, because she doesn't talk." I knew she was talking about me, and I felt really scared, because she's See More a really intimidating person, and I knew she'd probably yell at me and try to make me to talk to her. Then she came over to me, and she asked me if I could talk. I tried to say yes, but I couldn't. She started yelling at me and asking me to tell her my name, and she got even more angry when I didn't say anything. I felt like I was going to cry or panic, but I was trying so hard not to. Then she kept shouting at me and asking me to repeat sentences, and everyone was crowding around me. Then I started to have a panic attack, and it was horrible. I started crying, but I was trying not to look upset in front of Perfume Girl, because she would just make fun of me even more if I showed that what she was saying was affecting me. Then she said, "I'm not going to talk to you anymore, your existence bores me." and she walked off to talk to her friends. Then I started crying uncontrollably, and I was shaking really badly and hyperventilating. I actually felt like I had lost control over myself, and it was just horrible. Then TheDoctorsQueen arrived at school and saw me having a panic attack, and she came over to me to try and help. She gave me tissues to wipe my eyes, and I tried to tell her what happened. Then I heard Perfume Girl loudly say, "Wow, I just asked her what her name is, and now she's having a panic attack! That's so stupid and strange, I've never seen a person like that in my life!" That just made it even worse, and I felt horrible when everyone else agreed with her and made fun of me. When the teacher arrived at school and let us go into our form room, nobody asked if I was okay, and I could feel everyone staring at me and judging me. I managed to calm down after a while, but it was just awful.
And now I'm terrified of Perfume Girl, and I feel like she's going to bully me or something. She already bullies a lot of other people, and she always says really horrible things to the people she bullies. I really don't want that to happen to me. :/
on January 28, 2016
People at school: *post anti-bullying pictures on Instagram and talk about how much they hate bullying*
People at school: *are the bullies*
People at school: *are the bullies*
on January 27, 2016
Part 2 of today's post:
In form, we had to go to the ICT block to get pictures of our idols' faces for the masks for the assembly. I was really scared the whole lesson, and I kept hoping that the teacher wouldn't notice that I was there. But then the teacher said that we didn't have to print them out yet, and we just had to save the pictures to the teacher's shared file on the computer. I couldn't do that either, so I just sat there and wished that the lesson would be over. After See More a while, the teacher went around the room and you had to tell the rest of the class who you had chosen to make a mask of. When the teacher asked me, I said that I didn't know, and she came over to me and asked me what kind of music I liked, and she said I could do it about a favourite singer. I pretended I didn't have one, and then someone wanted to talk to the teacher, so she went over to them and left me. She didn't come back over to me, and I just sat there for the rest of the lesson feeling really worried and scared. By the end of the lesson, everyone had added an idol to the folder, and I was the only person who hadn't. When the bell went, I was so relieved. I had got through today, but now I've probably made other things worse by making this lesson easier. I was the only person without an idol in the folder, and everyone else has a mask for the assembly, but I don't have one. This will probably cause problems when it gets closer to the day of the assembly.
In English, we were learning about soldiers in the war who killed themselves because they had depression and couldn't fight. The teacher started saying that suicide was cowardly and selfish, and she literally said that if her best friend was suicidal, she would be angry and just tell them to kill themselves. I was actually sickened that the teacher had said that, and then everyone in the class started agreeing with her, which made it even worse. Everyone was making jokes about depression and suicide, and it made me feel bad. Then the teacher said that in the war, they didn't talk about suicide in front of other people, because they didn't know what other people were going through and it could trigger them to commit suicide. I thought to myself that what the teacher said was something that she and people at school needed to know as well, and that it applied to the situation I was in too, because you don't know who could be suicidal in a classroom full of kids.
Today wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was still horrible. :/
In form, we had to go to the ICT block to get pictures of our idols' faces for the masks for the assembly. I was really scared the whole lesson, and I kept hoping that the teacher wouldn't notice that I was there. But then the teacher said that we didn't have to print them out yet, and we just had to save the pictures to the teacher's shared file on the computer. I couldn't do that either, so I just sat there and wished that the lesson would be over. After See More a while, the teacher went around the room and you had to tell the rest of the class who you had chosen to make a mask of. When the teacher asked me, I said that I didn't know, and she came over to me and asked me what kind of music I liked, and she said I could do it about a favourite singer. I pretended I didn't have one, and then someone wanted to talk to the teacher, so she went over to them and left me. She didn't come back over to me, and I just sat there for the rest of the lesson feeling really worried and scared. By the end of the lesson, everyone had added an idol to the folder, and I was the only person who hadn't. When the bell went, I was so relieved. I had got through today, but now I've probably made other things worse by making this lesson easier. I was the only person without an idol in the folder, and everyone else has a mask for the assembly, but I don't have one. This will probably cause problems when it gets closer to the day of the assembly.
In English, we were learning about soldiers in the war who killed themselves because they had depression and couldn't fight. The teacher started saying that suicide was cowardly and selfish, and she literally said that if her best friend was suicidal, she would be angry and just tell them to kill themselves. I was actually sickened that the teacher had said that, and then everyone in the class started agreeing with her, which made it even worse. Everyone was making jokes about depression and suicide, and it made me feel bad. Then the teacher said that in the war, they didn't talk about suicide in front of other people, because they didn't know what other people were going through and it could trigger them to commit suicide. I thought to myself that what the teacher said was something that she and people at school needed to know as well, and that it applied to the situation I was in too, because you don't know who could be suicidal in a classroom full of kids.
Today wasn't as bad as it could have been, but it was still horrible. :/
@jenesaispas
A lot of teachers say things like this, it's considered normal. And I didn't panic because today was really not that bad compared to the days where I have a lot of panic attacks. Nothing really happened that would make me panic, because nobody mentioned Mika or tried to make me talk to them.
A lot of teachers say things like this, it's considered normal. And I didn't panic because today was really not that bad compared to the days where I have a lot of panic attacks. Nothing really happened that would make me panic, because nobody mentioned Mika or tried to make me talk to them.
on January 28, 2016
on January 28, 2016
That happened to me and Sansy one day in class.
I almost screamed.
( i will put the whole story on mine )
I almost screamed.
( i will put the whole story on mine )
on January 27, 2016
I really want to take all of the people who've been hurting you and smack them a few times. They're horrible.
on January 27, 2016
on January 27, 2016
Part 1 of today's post:
Today was a bad day.
At lunch, I was sat with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen and Lollipop Girl, and we were all just eating our lunch. Then HeyHoHereWeGo came over to our table, and he started yelling at TheDoctorsQueen and I because we didn't want him to sit with us. We had our reasons, because he's always getting in our personal space and business, and telling people things that we don't want them to know about us. He also always says that he See More wants me to die and tries to trigger me, and this morning we all decided that we'd had enough of it. So we don't want to be friends with him anymore. So he was yelling at us, and then he said that he hated me the most. I was confused, because I have literally never done anything to him. I know he mostly hates me because of my posts, but I very rarely post about him, and I wouldn't have to if he just left me alone. He started swearing at me, and he said that he wanted to hurt me and break every bone in my body. Then he said that he wished I would die, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl got up and walked over to him as if she was going to fight him, but then Diamond Girl came over and pulled HeyHoHereWeGo away. Then they started talking, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen, Lollipop Girl and I walked away to tell the pastoral mentor about what he said to me. We went outside and found the pastoral mentor on the astro turf, and we had to wait for ages to talk to him. When we finally talked to him, we told him what HeyHoHereWeGo had said, and he said that he would speak to him about it. I don't think he actually will, though. He'll probably forget.
Today was a bad day.
At lunch, I was sat with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen and Lollipop Girl, and we were all just eating our lunch. Then HeyHoHereWeGo came over to our table, and he started yelling at TheDoctorsQueen and I because we didn't want him to sit with us. We had our reasons, because he's always getting in our personal space and business, and telling people things that we don't want them to know about us. He also always says that he See More wants me to die and tries to trigger me, and this morning we all decided that we'd had enough of it. So we don't want to be friends with him anymore. So he was yelling at us, and then he said that he hated me the most. I was confused, because I have literally never done anything to him. I know he mostly hates me because of my posts, but I very rarely post about him, and I wouldn't have to if he just left me alone. He started swearing at me, and he said that he wanted to hurt me and break every bone in my body. Then he said that he wished I would die, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl got up and walked over to him as if she was going to fight him, but then Diamond Girl came over and pulled HeyHoHereWeGo away. Then they started talking, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen, Lollipop Girl and I walked away to tell the pastoral mentor about what he said to me. We went outside and found the pastoral mentor on the astro turf, and we had to wait for ages to talk to him. When we finally talked to him, we told him what HeyHoHereWeGo had said, and he said that he would speak to him about it. I don't think he actually will, though. He'll probably forget.
on January 27, 2016
And tomorrow in form I have to print a picture of the face of someone I idolise to use for my mask for the assembly. I'm really scared. ?
on January 26, 2016
Part 3 of today's post:
In French, we had to answer some questions in a textbook, and there was a picture of a cartoon girl with two broken legs. Then Twerking Bat Boy shouted, "The picture of the girl looks like Victoria!" and everyone started laughing. I felt really self conscious, and I just felt horrible.
In Science, we had to read out our scores on a homework sheet, and I didn't know what my score was, because SkyDoesMinecraft Girl hadn't written it on my sheet when she See More marked my work. The teacher asked me for my score, and I started counting up my marks, and then she started yelling at me because I hadn't answered quickly enough. She shouted at me saying that it didn't take that long to answer the question, and she said that I was stupid. I almost cried, because I was really scared and teachers rarely yell at me like that. I just felt really bad, and I was really embarrassed.
Today was horrible, because something bad happened in every lesson. :/
In French, we had to answer some questions in a textbook, and there was a picture of a cartoon girl with two broken legs. Then Twerking Bat Boy shouted, "The picture of the girl looks like Victoria!" and everyone started laughing. I felt really self conscious, and I just felt horrible.
In Science, we had to read out our scores on a homework sheet, and I didn't know what my score was, because SkyDoesMinecraft Girl hadn't written it on my sheet when she See More marked my work. The teacher asked me for my score, and I started counting up my marks, and then she started yelling at me because I hadn't answered quickly enough. She shouted at me saying that it didn't take that long to answer the question, and she said that I was stupid. I almost cried, because I was really scared and teachers rarely yell at me like that. I just felt really bad, and I was really embarrassed.
Today was horrible, because something bad happened in every lesson. :/
@Galactic_Noodles
I don't mention him a lot in my posts, so yeah. And it's okay. *hugs*
I don't mention him a lot in my posts, so yeah. And it's okay. *hugs*
on January 26, 2016
on January 26, 2016
Part 2 of today's post:
In Drama, we were in a different classroom. When I went into the classroom, there weren't any chairs left, so I couldn't sit down. I had to stand up for a while until the teacher noticed that I had nowhere to sit, and she told me to check in the other classrooms on the corridor to see if they had any extra chairs I could borrow. I was scared to go in the classrooms, but luckily they were locked and there was nobody there. I told the teacher that, and she See More sent some other people to go and get some more chairs. Then the teacher told me to go and give the register to the teacher who sorts out the registers, and I really didn't want to do it. But I forced myself to, and I just took the register to the teacher and left it on her desk. Then I want back to the classroom, and the people who had been sent to get extra chairs gave me a chair. Then I started doing my work, and the teacher told everyone that they could just listen to music or play on games if they didn't want to do the work. I didn't, though, because I didn't have my phone, and even if I did, I would be too scared of people asking me what I was listening to or trying to look at my phone. So I did almost four pages of work while everyone else was messing around. The teacher was sat in front of me, but she didn't care and didn't say anything about it. Then this boy and girl who are friends with Lollipop Girl came and sat at my table, and they weren't really doing any work, they were just talking. Then they started to talk about some really dark things, and the girl told the boy that she self harmed. Then she literally showed him her scars while they were in the middle of the classroom, and she kept talking about how she did it and how she would rather hurt herself than her boyfriend. And they were sat across from me and the table was very small, so I could see everything, and it was really quite triggering, to be honest. Then I realised nobody was doing any work anymore, so I put my work in my bag and waited for the bell to go.
In Drama, we were in a different classroom. When I went into the classroom, there weren't any chairs left, so I couldn't sit down. I had to stand up for a while until the teacher noticed that I had nowhere to sit, and she told me to check in the other classrooms on the corridor to see if they had any extra chairs I could borrow. I was scared to go in the classrooms, but luckily they were locked and there was nobody there. I told the teacher that, and she See More sent some other people to go and get some more chairs. Then the teacher told me to go and give the register to the teacher who sorts out the registers, and I really didn't want to do it. But I forced myself to, and I just took the register to the teacher and left it on her desk. Then I want back to the classroom, and the people who had been sent to get extra chairs gave me a chair. Then I started doing my work, and the teacher told everyone that they could just listen to music or play on games if they didn't want to do the work. I didn't, though, because I didn't have my phone, and even if I did, I would be too scared of people asking me what I was listening to or trying to look at my phone. So I did almost four pages of work while everyone else was messing around. The teacher was sat in front of me, but she didn't care and didn't say anything about it. Then this boy and girl who are friends with Lollipop Girl came and sat at my table, and they weren't really doing any work, they were just talking. Then they started to talk about some really dark things, and the girl told the boy that she self harmed. Then she literally showed him her scars while they were in the middle of the classroom, and she kept talking about how she did it and how she would rather hurt herself than her boyfriend. And they were sat across from me and the table was very small, so I could see everything, and it was really quite triggering, to be honest. Then I realised nobody was doing any work anymore, so I put my work in my bag and waited for the bell to go.
on January 26, 2016
Part 1 of today's post:
Today was a bad day.
In English, Echosmith Hater Girl and one of her friends were asking everyone if they hated them. Echosmith Hater Girl asked me if I hated her, and I nodded. Then she and her friend started laughing and making fun of me, and she said, "She says that she hates me just because I try to make conversation with her." But I have my reasons not to like her. I would probably like her if she didn't constantly make fun of Mika and talk to me See More as if she was interviewing me about my personal life, but she does do that, and I get really scared every time she talks to me. So I think I'm allowed to dislike her. They talked about me even more, and they kept shouting to other people and telling them about what I said. I very nearly had a panic attack, and it was horrible, but I managed to calm myself down.
In PE, we were playing dodgeball, and this boy purposely hit me in the face with the ball. It really hurt, and I actually started crying. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl came over to help me, and the teacher saw me crying and let me sit out. When I sat out, I started crying even more, because I was upset about what happened in English as well. I felt awful, because I felt like everyone was staring at me and judging me, but I couldn't stop crying. When I managed to stop, I just sat there and waited for the lesson to be over. I was relieved when it ended.
Today was a bad day.
In English, Echosmith Hater Girl and one of her friends were asking everyone if they hated them. Echosmith Hater Girl asked me if I hated her, and I nodded. Then she and her friend started laughing and making fun of me, and she said, "She says that she hates me just because I try to make conversation with her." But I have my reasons not to like her. I would probably like her if she didn't constantly make fun of Mika and talk to me See More as if she was interviewing me about my personal life, but she does do that, and I get really scared every time she talks to me. So I think I'm allowed to dislike her. They talked about me even more, and they kept shouting to other people and telling them about what I said. I very nearly had a panic attack, and it was horrible, but I managed to calm myself down.
In PE, we were playing dodgeball, and this boy purposely hit me in the face with the ball. It really hurt, and I actually started crying. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl came over to help me, and the teacher saw me crying and let me sit out. When I sat out, I started crying even more, because I was upset about what happened in English as well. I felt awful, because I felt like everyone was staring at me and judging me, but I couldn't stop crying. When I managed to stop, I just sat there and waited for the lesson to be over. I was relieved when it ended.
on January 26, 2016
Me: Yeah, I speak French.
Me: Elle Me Dit, Boum Boum Boum, J'ai Pas Envie, Les Baisers Perdus, Je Chante, L'Amour Fait Ce Qu'il Veut, Tant Que J'ai Le Soleil.
Me: Elle Me Dit, Boum Boum Boum, J'ai Pas Envie, Les Baisers Perdus, Je Chante, L'Amour Fait Ce Qu'il Veut, Tant Que J'ai Le Soleil.
on January 24, 2016
It's really quite amazing how everyone listens to music, but we all listen to it in completely different ways. We all have our own individual music tastes, and everyone listens to different things. Some people like pop music and songs that are in the charts, some like rap music, some like rock music, some like country, some like classical music, etc. Everyone's music taste is unique, and it's actually quite beautiful, because it's part of who we are as people. It also usually See More reflects who you are as a person as well. ?
And we all see music as different things. Some people see it as a form of entertainment, others see it as a way to relax, some see it as something to dance to, some see it as something to have in the background and some see it as a way of coping. We all have our own ways of listening to and appreciating music, and that's interesting too. ?
I think the way that you listen to music depends on how much music means to you, really. If you just listen to music in the background while you're doing other things, you aren't really listening to the lyrics and you're just listening to it as background noise. But if you listen to music and just listen to the song and concentrate on the lyrics, then it probably means a lot to you. ?
And we all see music as different things. Some people see it as a form of entertainment, others see it as a way to relax, some see it as something to dance to, some see it as something to have in the background and some see it as a way of coping. We all have our own ways of listening to and appreciating music, and that's interesting too. ?
I think the way that you listen to music depends on how much music means to you, really. If you just listen to music in the background while you're doing other things, you aren't really listening to the lyrics and you're just listening to it as background noise. But if you listen to music and just listen to the song and concentrate on the lyrics, then it probably means a lot to you. ?
on January 24, 2016
I really hate the fact that I can't be happy for other people. Every time someone gets noticed by Mika, I see it as him liking them more than his other fans and hating me. Every time someone posts that they're going to a Mika concert, I see it as them trying to highlight the fact that I can't go to concerts. Every time someone says that they've met Mika, I see it as them trying to make fun of the fact that I can't meet him. Every time someone gets better grades than me, I see See More it as them trying to be better than me. Every time someone posts a selfie, I see it as them reminding me that I'm ugly.
But it's not even other people's fault, it's mine. I'm honestly such a selfish and horrible person, and this is why the world would be better off without me. :/
But it's not even other people's fault, it's mine. I'm honestly such a selfish and horrible person, and this is why the world would be better off without me. :/
@jenesaispas
I guess so, but I'm not jealous. I don't want Mika to notice me any more, because I don't even feel like I would have the motivation to be happy about it, and there are other people out there who deserve it so much more. I just believe that if you get noticed by your idol, get to go to a concert, get to meet them, etc., you shouldn't show off about See More it. You should keep it to yourself, because it's really disrespectful to people who can't do all of that or don't get noticed. If Mika noticed me, I would just tell a few people about it in a private message on here, and I wouldn't tweet about it, because I have a lot of respect and sympathy for other fans who are like me and would be upset about it. And also, I don't have depression or anxiety, because it's something that you have to actually be tested for, and you can't just say you have it without being professionally diagnosed or anything. :/
I guess so, but I'm not jealous. I don't want Mika to notice me any more, because I don't even feel like I would have the motivation to be happy about it, and there are other people out there who deserve it so much more. I just believe that if you get noticed by your idol, get to go to a concert, get to meet them, etc., you shouldn't show off about See More it. You should keep it to yourself, because it's really disrespectful to people who can't do all of that or don't get noticed. If Mika noticed me, I would just tell a few people about it in a private message on here, and I wouldn't tweet about it, because I have a lot of respect and sympathy for other fans who are like me and would be upset about it. And also, I don't have depression or anxiety, because it's something that you have to actually be tested for, and you can't just say you have it without being professionally diagnosed or anything. :/
on January 22, 2016
@Galactic_Noodles
I'm really not. One of the most popular people in the Mika fandom got noticed by him today, and she kept showing off about it, so it made me feel bad. I tweeted that I wished I could be happy for her, but I couldn't, and then she subtweeted me and said that everyone should be happy for whoever is getting noticed, and if you aren't happy for See More the person, then Mika will probably never notice you and he won't like you. It made me feel even worse than I already felt, and I feel like Mika would hate me because of that. :/
I'm really not. One of the most popular people in the Mika fandom got noticed by him today, and she kept showing off about it, so it made me feel bad. I tweeted that I wished I could be happy for her, but I couldn't, and then she subtweeted me and said that everyone should be happy for whoever is getting noticed, and if you aren't happy for See More the person, then Mika will probably never notice you and he won't like you. It made me feel even worse than I already felt, and I feel like Mika would hate me because of that. :/
on January 21, 2016
on January 21, 2016
Today was okay, but in Science we had to go to the canteen to complete a survey about our personal health with the school nurse. There was a question on the survey asking if we had ever self harmed and when the last time we did it was, and I was scared because I really didn't want to answer it. But eventually I made myself answer it honestly, because the school nurse and her assistants were the only people who would read it, and I kind of wanted the school nurse to know about See More it. So I answered saying that I did self harm, but I also lied and said that the last time I did it was a few weeks ago, even though it was actually on Tuesday, because I really didn't want her to call my mum and tell her about it. There were also some other questions asking if you like yourself, are positive about your future, feel sad a lot of the time, etc. and I circled the 'no' answer for all of them. I was relieved when I had finished the survey.
And I also told SkyDoesMinecraft Girl that I self harm today, because we were sat next to each other while we were doing the survey. She read that question out loud, and I said, "I actually have." But I think she thought I was joking or something, though, because she just nodded and didn't ask about it or seem shocked. :/
And I also told SkyDoesMinecraft Girl that I self harm today, because we were sat next to each other while we were doing the survey. She read that question out loud, and I said, "I actually have." But I think she thought I was joking or something, though, because she just nodded and didn't ask about it or seem shocked. :/
on January 21, 2016
Today was a bad day.
In Music, I had to sit next to the same boys who were making fun of me yesterday in Art. The boy who stole my pencil case was off school, which was good, but the others were still there. The boy who slapped me yesterday kept telling the boy sat next to me to pull my hair, and he kept doing it. It actually really hurt, and they kept laughing at me because I didn't react. And when it was the end of the lesson and we had to stand behind our chairs, the boy who See More was pulling my hair kept kicking my school bag. I wanted to cry, but I didn't because they would make fun of me even more.
In form, we didn't go to the ICT block, and we just stayed in our form room to work on the assembly. Then the teacher said, "I know that some people in this form are quite shy and don't like doing presentations, so we're going to do this assembly slightly different. You're all going to pick one celebrity who you idolise, and then next week you can print out a picture of their face to wear as a mask in the assembly." I suddenly felt really scared, because I really didn't want to wear a mask with Mika's face on it, because everyone would laugh. Wearing a mask would just make everything worse, and it would be embarrassing as well as scary. Then the teacher handed out some post-it notes, and she told everyone to write down the name of their idol and stick it on a board at the front of the classroom. She said that everyone had to choose a celebrity each, and whoever you chose would be the person you had to wear a mask of. I felt so anxious, because I just couldn't write Mika's name. And TheDoctorsQueen had to go to a meeting for Literacy Leaders, so she wasn't there in the lesson to tell the teacher that I couldn't do any of the things she was trying to make me do. Then Lollipop Girl asked me to help her to type something up on the teacher's computer for the presentation, and I left my post-it note on my table and went to go and help her. While I was helping her, this boy came and stole my post-it note, and I was actually glad, because then I could pretend that I had already put one on the board and she wouldn't notice me. I tried to help Lollipop Girl more so that I didn't have to go and sit down again for a few more minutes. Then after a while, I sat back down, and the teacher said that we had to answer some questions on a piece of paper. I felt scared again, because I expected her to ask everyone to write about their idol, but luckily she didn't, and we just had to write a few things about ourselves. I was so relieved when it was the end of the lesson.
So, yeah. Today was horrible. :/
In Music, I had to sit next to the same boys who were making fun of me yesterday in Art. The boy who stole my pencil case was off school, which was good, but the others were still there. The boy who slapped me yesterday kept telling the boy sat next to me to pull my hair, and he kept doing it. It actually really hurt, and they kept laughing at me because I didn't react. And when it was the end of the lesson and we had to stand behind our chairs, the boy who See More was pulling my hair kept kicking my school bag. I wanted to cry, but I didn't because they would make fun of me even more.
In form, we didn't go to the ICT block, and we just stayed in our form room to work on the assembly. Then the teacher said, "I know that some people in this form are quite shy and don't like doing presentations, so we're going to do this assembly slightly different. You're all going to pick one celebrity who you idolise, and then next week you can print out a picture of their face to wear as a mask in the assembly." I suddenly felt really scared, because I really didn't want to wear a mask with Mika's face on it, because everyone would laugh. Wearing a mask would just make everything worse, and it would be embarrassing as well as scary. Then the teacher handed out some post-it notes, and she told everyone to write down the name of their idol and stick it on a board at the front of the classroom. She said that everyone had to choose a celebrity each, and whoever you chose would be the person you had to wear a mask of. I felt so anxious, because I just couldn't write Mika's name. And TheDoctorsQueen had to go to a meeting for Literacy Leaders, so she wasn't there in the lesson to tell the teacher that I couldn't do any of the things she was trying to make me do. Then Lollipop Girl asked me to help her to type something up on the teacher's computer for the presentation, and I left my post-it note on my table and went to go and help her. While I was helping her, this boy came and stole my post-it note, and I was actually glad, because then I could pretend that I had already put one on the board and she wouldn't notice me. I tried to help Lollipop Girl more so that I didn't have to go and sit down again for a few more minutes. Then after a while, I sat back down, and the teacher said that we had to answer some questions on a piece of paper. I felt scared again, because I expected her to ask everyone to write about their idol, but luckily she didn't, and we just had to write a few things about ourselves. I was so relieved when it was the end of the lesson.
So, yeah. Today was horrible. :/
@Galactic_Noodles
The mask idea is for the assembly, we wear the masks while we're doing it. And it's okay. :/
The mask idea is for the assembly, we wear the masks while we're doing it. And it's okay. :/
on January 20, 2016
@Kanya888
I know. They don't teach us anything, and they have no sympathy for anyone.
I know. They don't teach us anything, and they have no sympathy for anyone.
on January 20, 2016
@jenesaispas
No, you wear it in the assembly while everyone is quiet and watching your presentation. You have to wear it, because it's part of the theme. And you're supposed to print it out at school at the same time as everyone else, so I can't say that. And the teacher would probably just take me to another printer and tell me to print it off there.
No, you wear it in the assembly while everyone is quiet and watching your presentation. You have to wear it, because it's part of the theme. And you're supposed to print it out at school at the same time as everyone else, so I can't say that. And the teacher would probably just take me to another printer and tell me to print it off there.
on January 20, 2016
on January 20, 2016
I really don't want to go to school today.
I've just realised that I have Music today, and the boys who made fun of me yesterday sit next to me in that lesson. They always make fun of me and throw things at me, but I've never really worried about it happening before. I just kind of put up with it when it happens. What they did yesterday was horrible, though, so that's probably why I'm scared. :/
I've just realised that I have Music today, and the boys who made fun of me yesterday sit next to me in that lesson. They always make fun of me and throw things at me, but I've never really worried about it happening before. I just kind of put up with it when it happens. What they did yesterday was horrible, though, so that's probably why I'm scared. :/
on January 20, 2016
My form tutor said that the date for the assembly is being moved to a day in February, because she thinks that everyone isn't ready to do it. That's good, but I have to help to make the presentation tomorrow in form with Badge Girl, Lollipop Girl and TheDoctorsQueen, and they're all probably just going to yell at me and say horrible things about Mika. :/
on January 20, 2016
on January 20, 2016
I'm not even a week clean yet, and I already ruined it. I'm sorry. :/
on January 19, 2016
Today was absolutely awful.
In Art, I was doing my work, and this boy stole my pencil case and threw it onto the teacher's desk away from me. He and his friends kept laughing at me, and I wanted to get it back. But I was too anxious to get up, and I thought the boy and his friends would laugh at me even more if I went to get it, and they would probably just take it again. So I sat there trying not to cry, and I tried to carry on with my work. Then one of the boy's friends walked See More past me and slapped me across the face for no reason, and I actually started crying. It was horrible, because I hate crying at school where everyone can see you, and I was trying so hard to stop crying. But I couldn't, and nobody even asked if I was okay or anything, even though it was obvious I was upset. At one point Lollipop Girl talked to me, and I thought she was going to ask if I was okay, but she just wanted to borrow my rubber. I suddenly realised that nobody I know in real life actually cares about me, and that just made it even worse. When the lesson ended, I tried to make it look like I wasn't crying, and I managed to get my pencil case back when the boys who were making fun of me weren't looking. I still felt awful, though.
At break, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I were sat at our table, and she told me that Badge Girl had said something about Mika in her last lesson. I suddenly felt really scared, and I asked her what she had said. She said that Badge Girl had turned round to her and said, "Oh, you know Victoria's idol, Mika?" Then SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said, "Yeah?" and Badge Girl said, "Well, I'm a fan of him now, and Grace Kelly is my new favourite song." When she told me that, I wanted to cry again. I'm so sick of fake fans, and I know from things that have happened before that if you tell Badge Girl anything that's supposed to be a secret, she will tell the whole school about it. I didn't even want her to know about Mika, because I just don't trust her with anything that means anything to me.
In Spanish, at the end of the lesson, I heard this boy who makes fun of me a lot say that he was talking to one of his friends while they were listening to music, and he said, "Are you listening to Mika?" to them. Then he started laughing, and I felt really bad. I had thought I had heard someone else ask someone if they were listening to Mika in English today, but I thought I had heard them wrong. But it turns out that I had heard them correctly, and apparently it's now a 'thing' to ask people if they're listening to Mika and laugh whenever they're listening to music. Whenever anyone says it, it just makes me feel really horrible and anxious, and it almost makes me feel ashamed of being a Mika fan.
I actually want to die. :/
In Art, I was doing my work, and this boy stole my pencil case and threw it onto the teacher's desk away from me. He and his friends kept laughing at me, and I wanted to get it back. But I was too anxious to get up, and I thought the boy and his friends would laugh at me even more if I went to get it, and they would probably just take it again. So I sat there trying not to cry, and I tried to carry on with my work. Then one of the boy's friends walked See More past me and slapped me across the face for no reason, and I actually started crying. It was horrible, because I hate crying at school where everyone can see you, and I was trying so hard to stop crying. But I couldn't, and nobody even asked if I was okay or anything, even though it was obvious I was upset. At one point Lollipop Girl talked to me, and I thought she was going to ask if I was okay, but she just wanted to borrow my rubber. I suddenly realised that nobody I know in real life actually cares about me, and that just made it even worse. When the lesson ended, I tried to make it look like I wasn't crying, and I managed to get my pencil case back when the boys who were making fun of me weren't looking. I still felt awful, though.
At break, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I were sat at our table, and she told me that Badge Girl had said something about Mika in her last lesson. I suddenly felt really scared, and I asked her what she had said. She said that Badge Girl had turned round to her and said, "Oh, you know Victoria's idol, Mika?" Then SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said, "Yeah?" and Badge Girl said, "Well, I'm a fan of him now, and Grace Kelly is my new favourite song." When she told me that, I wanted to cry again. I'm so sick of fake fans, and I know from things that have happened before that if you tell Badge Girl anything that's supposed to be a secret, she will tell the whole school about it. I didn't even want her to know about Mika, because I just don't trust her with anything that means anything to me.
In Spanish, at the end of the lesson, I heard this boy who makes fun of me a lot say that he was talking to one of his friends while they were listening to music, and he said, "Are you listening to Mika?" to them. Then he started laughing, and I felt really bad. I had thought I had heard someone else ask someone if they were listening to Mika in English today, but I thought I had heard them wrong. But it turns out that I had heard them correctly, and apparently it's now a 'thing' to ask people if they're listening to Mika and laugh whenever they're listening to music. Whenever anyone says it, it just makes me feel really horrible and anxious, and it almost makes me feel ashamed of being a Mika fan.
I actually want to die. :/
@Galactic_Noodles
Yeah. . .At school I just feel like everyone treats me like an alien or something, and whenever they talk to me I feel more like I'm being interviewed than being talked to as a human being. And I wouldn't give Mika up, but it still hurts when people say things about him. :/
Yeah. . .At school I just feel like everyone treats me like an alien or something, and whenever they talk to me I feel more like I'm being interviewed than being talked to as a human being. And I wouldn't give Mika up, but it still hurts when people say things about him. :/
on January 19, 2016
on January 19, 2016
TheDoctorsQueen just sent me a message on Tumblr saying that she talked to our form tutor about letting me not be in the assembly, and apparently I don't have to talk, but I still have to choose an idol to put in the presentation. And the other people in my group will probably make a big deal out of how they have 'stage fright' and purposely make me talk in the assembly, even though they aren't actually scared of doing presentations, like Diamond Girl did when I almost had to See More do that presentation in PSHE that time. :/
on January 18, 2016
Thanks. ☺