I'm going to go to SkyDoesMinecraft Girl's house for her birthday sleepover soon, so I'm just going to remind you guys that we're going to be livestreaming today, and probably tomorrow as well. You can watch us on my YouNow channel, which is MikasPrincess, and we might livestream on her channel too, which is fkyme. And if you miss our livestream, then you can just watch it on my profile, because there's a new YouNow update that lets you do that.
Also, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl is See More going to the Trafford Centre for her birthday tomorrow, and I'm probably going to be allowed to go too. My mum is going to give me some money to go with, so that will be fun, because I've always wanted to go. ?
Also, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl is See More going to the Trafford Centre for her birthday tomorrow, and I'm probably going to be allowed to go too. My mum is going to give me some money to go with, so that will be fun, because I've always wanted to go. ?
on March 11, 2016
Today was mostly okay, apart from a few things.
In Food Tech, I was doing my work, and then the Literacy Leaders came into the classroom to ask the teacher something. I realised that today was the day they got to go and work for the BBC, and they got to be on the radio. It made me think about how I had really wanted to become a Literacy Leader, but I didn't become one because I was too scared to give my letter to the teacher. I thought about how much more experience I would have See More had if I did it, and how it would have helped me to become a journalist in the future. I started to think about how useless and stupid I am, and I felt really bad. Then this boy and girl on my table (Let's call them Glasses Boy and Nirvana Girl, because the boy wears glasses and the girl is always talking about how she listens to Nirvana) started putting pieces of string in my hair and throwing pieces of felt at my face. Then someone threw their book at me, and Nirvana Girl turned round to Glasses Boy and started talking about how ugly my hair was. That made me feel even worse. Then when it was nearly the end of the lesson, Glasses Boy tried to make me tidy up the pot of needles that he dropped on the floor. He also told me to get a dustpan and brush and clean the table, even though I didn't make any of the mess and I was just finishing my book work the whole time. I was so relieved when the bell went.
In PSHE, Echosmith Hater Girl and her brother were arguing, and they started making jokes about self harm. It was really triggering, and the teacher didn't even try to stop them joking about it, even though he heard everything. They kept making jokes about it, and then this girl said, "I bet someone in this classroom self harms." When I heard her say that, I felt as if everyone was looking at me, even though they probably weren't, because nobody knows that I self harm apart from SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen and probably HeyHoHereWeGo, because he reads my posts to try and find and things to use against me. But it made me feel horrible, and I felt as if I was going to be sick. I almost had a panic attack, but I managed to calm myself down.
So, yeah. :/
In Food Tech, I was doing my work, and then the Literacy Leaders came into the classroom to ask the teacher something. I realised that today was the day they got to go and work for the BBC, and they got to be on the radio. It made me think about how I had really wanted to become a Literacy Leader, but I didn't become one because I was too scared to give my letter to the teacher. I thought about how much more experience I would have See More had if I did it, and how it would have helped me to become a journalist in the future. I started to think about how useless and stupid I am, and I felt really bad. Then this boy and girl on my table (Let's call them Glasses Boy and Nirvana Girl, because the boy wears glasses and the girl is always talking about how she listens to Nirvana) started putting pieces of string in my hair and throwing pieces of felt at my face. Then someone threw their book at me, and Nirvana Girl turned round to Glasses Boy and started talking about how ugly my hair was. That made me feel even worse. Then when it was nearly the end of the lesson, Glasses Boy tried to make me tidy up the pot of needles that he dropped on the floor. He also told me to get a dustpan and brush and clean the table, even though I didn't make any of the mess and I was just finishing my book work the whole time. I was so relieved when the bell went.
In PSHE, Echosmith Hater Girl and her brother were arguing, and they started making jokes about self harm. It was really triggering, and the teacher didn't even try to stop them joking about it, even though he heard everything. They kept making jokes about it, and then this girl said, "I bet someone in this classroom self harms." When I heard her say that, I felt as if everyone was looking at me, even though they probably weren't, because nobody knows that I self harm apart from SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen and probably HeyHoHereWeGo, because he reads my posts to try and find and things to use against me. But it made me feel horrible, and I felt as if I was going to be sick. I almost had a panic attack, but I managed to calm myself down.
So, yeah. :/
on March 10, 2016
I know that livestream was short, but my parents came home so I had to end it early. I'm going to livestream with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl on Friday or Saturday, though, because I'm going to her birthday sleepover. We're going to be doing challenges and maybe doing covers of songs, so you can watch that if you want to. ?
on March 09, 2016
Guys, I'm livestreaming now, so go on my YouNow page if you want to watch. ?
on March 09, 2016
Today was okay, apart from a few things.
In form, Sore Arm Girl and her friend were having an argument, and they started making fun of self harm. Her friend picked up a pair of scissors and pretended to self harm, and then she kept saying things like, "Look at what you're making me do!" and laughing with Sore Arm Girl. It was really triggering, to be honest, and I actually felt sick.
In Science, I was thinking to myself, and I accidentally pulled a face when I was thinking about See More something bad that might happen to me. Then this girl saw me pull a face, and she started making fun of me. She kept laughing at me and saying things about me, and then she got some of her friends to join in with her. When SkyDoesMinecraft Girl tried to help me, they just made fun of me even more, and they kept imitating the face I made. It made me feel really self conscious and upset.
So, yeah. :/
In form, Sore Arm Girl and her friend were having an argument, and they started making fun of self harm. Her friend picked up a pair of scissors and pretended to self harm, and then she kept saying things like, "Look at what you're making me do!" and laughing with Sore Arm Girl. It was really triggering, to be honest, and I actually felt sick.
In Science, I was thinking to myself, and I accidentally pulled a face when I was thinking about See More something bad that might happen to me. Then this girl saw me pull a face, and she started making fun of me. She kept laughing at me and saying things about me, and then she got some of her friends to join in with her. When SkyDoesMinecraft Girl tried to help me, they just made fun of me even more, and they kept imitating the face I made. It made me feel really self conscious and upset.
So, yeah. :/
on March 09, 2016
Guys, I'm so relieved right now. The pastoral mentor wasn't at Parents' Evening, so he didn't tell my parents what the nurse told him to tell them.
That means I can keep posting on here and keep listening to Mika for now, which is really good. The school nurse said that if nobody tells my parents, then she would, so she might still tell them. But I think I'm just going to stop going to see her, because of what she said about Mika and her making me so scared that I wanted to kill See More myself. I'm going to hope that she doesn't say anything else to me about it, and I'm just going to try and make her forget about me.
That means I can keep posting on here and keep listening to Mika for now, which is really good. The school nurse said that if nobody tells my parents, then she would, so she might still tell them. But I think I'm just going to stop going to see her, because of what she said about Mika and her making me so scared that I wanted to kill See More myself. I'm going to hope that she doesn't say anything else to me about it, and I'm just going to try and make her forget about me.
on March 08, 2016
Guys, I'm about to go to Parents' Evening, and I'm absolutely terrified about what the pastoral mentor is going to say to my parents. I'm actually shaking, and I feel like I might have a panic attack.
If I'm not allowed to go on the internet anymore after today, then that means that this will be my last wall post for a while. I really hope that my parents won't find out about Mika and my social media, but if they do, then I might not come back on here for a long time. If I'm See More forced to leave my social media, then just know that I love you all and I will try to start posting again in the future.
If I'm not allowed to go on the internet anymore after today, then that means that this will be my last wall post for a while. I really hope that my parents won't find out about Mika and my social media, but if they do, then I might not come back on here for a long time. If I'm See More forced to leave my social media, then just know that I love you all and I will try to start posting again in the future.
on March 08, 2016
on March 08, 2016
I tried to go to the pastoral mentor today to ask him if he could not tell my parents about my problems, but he wasn't there. A teaching assistant told me that she hadn't seen him all day, but SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said that she had seen him this morning. I really hope that he was off sick or something, because then he wouldn't be able to talk to my parents. :/
on March 08, 2016
Today was okay, but I've been panicking about my parents being told about my personal problems all day, so that ruined my day. And I still feel like I might kill myself. :/
on March 08, 2016
I actually wish I had never tried to get help for my problems, because it hasn't helped at all, and it has just made everything worse. :/
on March 08, 2016
Today was absolutely awful.
At lunch, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I went to see the school nurse. We told her about the thing with Perfume Girl that happened a few weeks ago, and we told her about what HeyHoHereWeGo had been saying to me. She just said that I should try to ignore them, which I thought was bad advice. Then when the bell went, she told us that she wanted to ask us about our answers for the health questionnaire we did a while ago. She asked SkyDoesMinecraft Girl about See More her answers first, and then she asked me about mine. I was so scared, because I knew she would ask me about self harm. She asked me about it, and she asked me questions about things like how often I do it and what I use. She asked me if I have any methods to stop me wanting to self harm, and I told her that I look at pictures of Mika and tell myself that I would be hurting him if I hurt myself, and that I wouldn't want him to be hurt. I told her that it always works, and that it helps me a lot, but then the school nurse started yelling at me and saying awful things about Mika. She said that he was just a person, and that he was irrelevant because he couldn't have helped me. She said that I would never meet him, and that he didn't care about me because he doesn't know I exist. I very nearly started crying then, and then the school nurse started asking me about some really personal things, and I actually started crying. She wouldn't let SkyDoesMinecraft Girl comfort me, because she said that I needed to 'learn to suffer on my own', and I ended up lying about a lot of things because I was panicking. And then she said that she was going to tell the pastoral mentor to tell my parents about everything I've told her at Parents' Evening tomorrow, and I told her not to. But she said that she would do it, and she said that if I didn't talk to my parents about it, then she would talk to them and tell them everything.
So tomorrow, my parents are basically going to find out about my social media, Mika, me being bullied and everything else. I really want to die right now, and I feel like I might actually kill myself because I'm so terrified. There's no reason why I should live anymore, really, because I've already ruined my life with everything I said today. I don't even really want to keep living for Mika and my internet friends anymore either, because tomorrow my parents will probably ban me from the internet for having social media when they find out. That means that I might never speak to you guys again, and I'll never listen to Mika again. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life before, and I just want to die. :/
At lunch, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I went to see the school nurse. We told her about the thing with Perfume Girl that happened a few weeks ago, and we told her about what HeyHoHereWeGo had been saying to me. She just said that I should try to ignore them, which I thought was bad advice. Then when the bell went, she told us that she wanted to ask us about our answers for the health questionnaire we did a while ago. She asked SkyDoesMinecraft Girl about See More her answers first, and then she asked me about mine. I was so scared, because I knew she would ask me about self harm. She asked me about it, and she asked me questions about things like how often I do it and what I use. She asked me if I have any methods to stop me wanting to self harm, and I told her that I look at pictures of Mika and tell myself that I would be hurting him if I hurt myself, and that I wouldn't want him to be hurt. I told her that it always works, and that it helps me a lot, but then the school nurse started yelling at me and saying awful things about Mika. She said that he was just a person, and that he was irrelevant because he couldn't have helped me. She said that I would never meet him, and that he didn't care about me because he doesn't know I exist. I very nearly started crying then, and then the school nurse started asking me about some really personal things, and I actually started crying. She wouldn't let SkyDoesMinecraft Girl comfort me, because she said that I needed to 'learn to suffer on my own', and I ended up lying about a lot of things because I was panicking. And then she said that she was going to tell the pastoral mentor to tell my parents about everything I've told her at Parents' Evening tomorrow, and I told her not to. But she said that she would do it, and she said that if I didn't talk to my parents about it, then she would talk to them and tell them everything.
So tomorrow, my parents are basically going to find out about my social media, Mika, me being bullied and everything else. I really want to die right now, and I feel like I might actually kill myself because I'm so terrified. There's no reason why I should live anymore, really, because I've already ruined my life with everything I said today. I don't even really want to keep living for Mika and my internet friends anymore either, because tomorrow my parents will probably ban me from the internet for having social media when they find out. That means that I might never speak to you guys again, and I'll never listen to Mika again. I don't think I've ever been this scared in my life before, and I just want to die. :/
@MobileDorkestra
Aww, I'm sorry for making you worry about me. I still feel like I want to die, though, because I don't want to face my parents tomorrow. :/
Aww, I'm sorry for making you worry about me. I still feel like I want to die, though, because I don't want to face my parents tomorrow. :/
on March 08, 2016
@MobileDorkestra
Yeah. . .And I'm trying not to think about killing myself, but I'm so scared and I really don't want my parents to find out about my personal problems. It's even worse that I have to be there with them while the pastoral mentor talks to them about it. :/
Yeah. . .And I'm trying not to think about killing myself, but I'm so scared and I really don't want my parents to find out about my personal problems. It's even worse that I have to be there with them while the pastoral mentor talks to them about it. :/
on March 08, 2016
@headfirstforhowell
I don't think she would have forgotten, because she said she'd tell the pastoral mentor straight after I told her everything. And the pastoral mentor could forget, because he forgets to sort out a lot of things. I hope he forgets about this too. And yeah, that's true.
I don't think she would have forgotten, because she said she'd tell the pastoral mentor straight after I told her everything. And the pastoral mentor could forget, because he forgets to sort out a lot of things. I hope he forgets about this too. And yeah, that's true.
on March 07, 2016
she might forget to tell the pastoral mentor, and the pastoral mentor might forget to tell your parents? i'm not entirely sure what a pastoral mentor is, but i'm sure they have a lot of students, so it's not that unlikely they'll forget. and besides, if mika's your reason for living, then great, that's your business and it's personal to you and you shouldn't See More let anyone take it away from you.
on March 07, 2016
on March 07, 2016
I have to go to school through a different entrance tomorrow, because the road near the main entrance is flooded and we're not allowed to go that way.
I'm kind of scared, because I nearly always arrive at school after the bell has gone, and they lock the gates for the other entrance so you can't get into school after the bell. If I don't arrive at school early enough, then I might get locked out of school. :/
I'm kind of scared, because I nearly always arrive at school after the bell has gone, and they lock the gates for the other entrance so you can't get into school after the bell. If I don't arrive at school early enough, then I might get locked out of school. :/
on March 07, 2016
I'm actually really excited for the release of Ariana Grande's new album in a few days. ?
on March 06, 2016
And I was just watching The Voice, and they played We Are Golden. ?
That's kind of a weird coincidence, because they played it after two of the contestants sang Crazy by Gnarls Barkley together, which was number one in the charts before the release of Grace Kelly. And Mika is also a judge on The Voice France, and he is close friends with Paloma Faith, who is one of the judges. So that was probably also why they played it. ?
That's kind of a weird coincidence, because they played it after two of the contestants sang Crazy by Gnarls Barkley together, which was number one in the charts before the release of Grace Kelly. And Mika is also a judge on The Voice France, and he is close friends with Paloma Faith, who is one of the judges. So that was probably also why they played it. ?
on March 05, 2016
Today I was at my grandma's house watching TV, and the perfume advert with Any Other World playing in the background came on. ??
on March 05, 2016
My school is closed today because of the snow. ?
@jenesaispas
Yeah. I wish you were here too, because it's better than going sledging with my dad and my brother, which was what I had to do today. They just kept throwing snowballs at me and pushing me over, and one time when they pushed me over they jumped on me and kept throwing snow in my face. :/
Yeah. I wish you were here too, because it's better than going sledging with my dad and my brother, which was what I had to do today. They just kept throwing snowballs at me and pushing me over, and one time when they pushed me over they jumped on me and kept throwing snow in my face. :/
on March 04, 2016
on March 04, 2016
Today was okay. ?
on March 03, 2016
So many of my friends have either started self harming or thought about self harming today, and it's making me feel bad because I want to be there to help them, but I can't because they either don't tell me that they're struggling or I'm too anxious to help them.
And I feel like everyone is self harming because I do it, and that probably makes them think it's okay. I feel like I'm a bad influence and I just trigger people because I'm quite open about everything that I struggle See More with, and a lot of people look up to me or support me on the internet, so that's bad. Also, I feel like a really horrible person because I feel like I'm making other people's struggles all about myself, and I hate myself for that.
This is why I'm a bad person. :/
And I feel like everyone is self harming because I do it, and that probably makes them think it's okay. I feel like I'm a bad influence and I just trigger people because I'm quite open about everything that I struggle See More with, and a lot of people look up to me or support me on the internet, so that's bad. Also, I feel like a really horrible person because I feel like I'm making other people's struggles all about myself, and I hate myself for that.
This is why I'm a bad person. :/
@jenesaispas
Yeah, I think it's a symptom of anxiety. And I guess I am. That's one of the reasons why I like posting about my day, because I want to encourage others to be more open and talk about their real lives like I do. ?
Yeah, I think it's a symptom of anxiety. And I guess I am. That's one of the reasons why I like posting about my day, because I want to encourage others to be more open and talk about their real lives like I do. ?
on March 02, 2016
@jenesaispas
Thanks. And same, I think it's important for people to talk about these kinds of things, because it encourages other people to open up about it. But a lot of people don't post about their life like I do, because as soon as someone makes a post saying that they are struggling, they are automatically labelled an attention seeker and they get hated See More on. I think it's sad that people can't talk about things that are important without getting laughed at, and we need more people like this on social media, to be honest. And I guess so, but I always feel selfish when I mention myself when I talk to people about their problems. I feel like I make everything about myself. :/
Thanks. And same, I think it's important for people to talk about these kinds of things, because it encourages other people to open up about it. But a lot of people don't post about their life like I do, because as soon as someone makes a post saying that they are struggling, they are automatically labelled an attention seeker and they get hated See More on. I think it's sad that people can't talk about things that are important without getting laughed at, and we need more people like this on social media, to be honest. And I guess so, but I always feel selfish when I mention myself when I talk to people about their problems. I feel like I make everything about myself. :/
on March 02, 2016
on March 02, 2016
Today was mostly okay, apart from a few things.
In Food Tech I had to sit on my own because nobody wanted to sit with me. A lot of people walked past my table and saw that I was sitting on my own, but they didn't care. Then Laughing Boy had to move seats, and the teacher put him on my table, and this boy said that I would complain if he had to sit with me. Then one of his friends said that I wouldn't complain because I don't talk, and then everyone started laughing at me and See More making fun of me. Then people kept throwing things at me and laughing at me even more, and it was just horrible.
At lunch, Diamond Girl and HeyHoHereWeGo kept making fun of me because they noticed that I say, "That's really offensive!" a lot. They kept using the word 'offensive' in every sentence and repeating it every time someone said something to them, and it made me feel really self conscious and horrible. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen and this boy who is friends with her told them to stop, and I did too, but they wouldn't, and they kept laughing at me and trying to make me feel bad.
So, yeah. :/
In Food Tech I had to sit on my own because nobody wanted to sit with me. A lot of people walked past my table and saw that I was sitting on my own, but they didn't care. Then Laughing Boy had to move seats, and the teacher put him on my table, and this boy said that I would complain if he had to sit with me. Then one of his friends said that I wouldn't complain because I don't talk, and then everyone started laughing at me and See More making fun of me. Then people kept throwing things at me and laughing at me even more, and it was just horrible.
At lunch, Diamond Girl and HeyHoHereWeGo kept making fun of me because they noticed that I say, "That's really offensive!" a lot. They kept using the word 'offensive' in every sentence and repeating it every time someone said something to them, and it made me feel really self conscious and horrible. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, TheDoctorsQueen and this boy who is friends with her told them to stop, and I did too, but they wouldn't, and they kept laughing at me and trying to make me feel bad.
So, yeah. :/
on March 02, 2016
You can still watch it on my YouNow profile. ?
Thanks, and we'll be livestreaming soon.