I really don't want to go back to school tomorrow, because there's so many things that I'm scared of happening this week and next week.
I have Drama. I have Drama every two weeks anyway, but it's still bad because of how anxious and upset that lesson makes me. It's scary because of how much group work we have to do, and it involves acting and having to speak, so it's just horrible for me.
I have that Food Tech lesson where I do woodwork every two weeks, which is scary. It's See More scary because I can't do anything in that lesson because of Goldfish Girl breaking the box I was making, and I can't ask the teacher to help me make a new one. So I'm going to have to just sit there and hope the teacher doesn't notice me, but she probably will notice me and yell at me, and that will probably make me feel bad.
I have a French speaking test, and I'm really scared about it. Speaking tests are just horrible for me, and I really don't want to do it. I kind of want to hide and not go to it like I did with my options interview, but I would probably end up being found and taken out of my lesson to do it like last time. I'm really anxious, because I'm so scared of doing speaking tests, but I can't get out of doing it.
In Music, I have to sing a song in front of the whole class with some other people, and I'm really scared about that as well. We're allowed to choose our own groups to 'make it easier', but literally everyone in the class bullies me, and none of them would want me in their group anyway. So I don't know what I'm going to do. And we also might have to pick a song by our favourite singer to sing and play in front of the whole class. I'm really scared because of that too, because I can't choose Mika, and I don't want to sing in front of the class anyway.
The next few weeks are going to be horrible. :/
I have Drama. I have Drama every two weeks anyway, but it's still bad because of how anxious and upset that lesson makes me. It's scary because of how much group work we have to do, and it involves acting and having to speak, so it's just horrible for me.
I have that Food Tech lesson where I do woodwork every two weeks, which is scary. It's See More scary because I can't do anything in that lesson because of Goldfish Girl breaking the box I was making, and I can't ask the teacher to help me make a new one. So I'm going to have to just sit there and hope the teacher doesn't notice me, but she probably will notice me and yell at me, and that will probably make me feel bad.
I have a French speaking test, and I'm really scared about it. Speaking tests are just horrible for me, and I really don't want to do it. I kind of want to hide and not go to it like I did with my options interview, but I would probably end up being found and taken out of my lesson to do it like last time. I'm really anxious, because I'm so scared of doing speaking tests, but I can't get out of doing it.
In Music, I have to sing a song in front of the whole class with some other people, and I'm really scared about that as well. We're allowed to choose our own groups to 'make it easier', but literally everyone in the class bullies me, and none of them would want me in their group anyway. So I don't know what I'm going to do. And we also might have to pick a song by our favourite singer to sing and play in front of the whole class. I'm really scared because of that too, because I can't choose Mika, and I don't want to sing in front of the class anyway.
The next few weeks are going to be horrible. :/
on April 25, 2016
I just found out that Mika left X Factor Italia. ?
I'm kind of sad about this, because Mika was feeling bad about his choice to stop being a judge on the show. But I'm mostly happy about this, because X Factor Italia was making him really stressed, and I think he will be happier now. And this also means that Mika will have a lot more time to do things for other countries, so he might actually become popular in the UK again. The only time he wasn't popular over here at all was See More when he was a judge on X Factor, so it could happen, and I really want him to be as popular as he was in the Life in Cartoon Motion era again.
I just hope that he doesn't do X Factor UK though, because people from school watch it, and that means that they would see Mika on the show. And then people would talk about him more, and then there would be even more fake fans. :/
I'm kind of sad about this, because Mika was feeling bad about his choice to stop being a judge on the show. But I'm mostly happy about this, because X Factor Italia was making him really stressed, and I think he will be happier now. And this also means that Mika will have a lot more time to do things for other countries, so he might actually become popular in the UK again. The only time he wasn't popular over here at all was See More when he was a judge on X Factor, so it could happen, and I really want him to be as popular as he was in the Life in Cartoon Motion era again.
I just hope that he doesn't do X Factor UK though, because people from school watch it, and that means that they would see Mika on the show. And then people would talk about him more, and then there would be even more fake fans. :/
on April 24, 2016
The other day, I bought a beauty book, and there was literally a page in it about how to be like Grace Kelly and dress like her. I actually started laughing when I saw that page, and I instantly thought, "I tried to be like Grace Kelly, but all her looks were too sad." ?
on April 23, 2016
Today is exactly a year since Mika noticed me and I named his new puppy Amira. ????
@Atsuko_Maeda_15th_Acchan
Yeah, haha. I suggested the name Amira to him on Twitter last year, because it's Arabic for 'princess', and his other dog, Melachi, has a name that is Arabic for 'queen', and Amira is her niece. And it's also supposed to be like my username, because if Mika named her Amira, she would be 'Mika's princess'. So I created a hashtag and See More trended it, and he noticed it and named his new puppy Amira. I don't think he actually knows that I made it up, though, because a lot of people joined in with the hashtag and tried to get him to notice it. But he still noticed me and basically named the puppy after me. ?
Yeah, haha. I suggested the name Amira to him on Twitter last year, because it's Arabic for 'princess', and his other dog, Melachi, has a name that is Arabic for 'queen', and Amira is her niece. And it's also supposed to be like my username, because if Mika named her Amira, she would be 'Mika's princess'. So I created a hashtag and See More trended it, and he noticed it and named his new puppy Amira. I don't think he actually knows that I made it up, though, because a lot of people joined in with the hashtag and tried to get him to notice it. But he still noticed me and basically named the puppy after me. ?
on April 22, 2016
on April 22, 2016
Guys, I'm going on holiday with my parents now, so I probably won't be online again until Friday, like last week. I don't even want to go, to be honest, but I have to. :/
on April 18, 2016
This morning when I woke up, my dad walked into my room and picked up the karaoke game that I got yesterday. He saw that Big Girl was on it, and then he started singing it and talking about how old the song is. And I just sat there and tried to act like I'd never heard of the song before. ?
on April 18, 2016
Today I bought a karaoke game because it had Big Girl (You Are Beautiful) on it, and after I got it, my mum was looking through the songs and singing each of them. I was scared when she got to Big Girl, because she would probably start singing it, and when she saw that it was on the game, she said, "Big Girl by Mika. I can't remember what that song goes like." And I felt kind of awkward, because of the fact that I know all the words to that song and I listen to it a lot. ?
on April 18, 2016
I actually hate myself. I wish I was someone other than myself, because literally everyone else is better than me.
Everyone in the Mika fandom is exactly like me, but they're all like better versions of me.
They all have basically all of Mika's merchandise, and their rooms are covered in Mika-related things. They're actually allowed to be a fan of him, and I can't even imagine ever being allowed to like him. They go to his concerts all the time, and it makes me feel bad because See More I know I will never go to one of his concerts. Everyone is a much better fan than me, and it makes me feel horrible about myself.
They all basically look like models, and I look awful and ugly compared to them. I know that a few people on the internet say that I look cute, but I don't really want to just be cute. I want to actually be pretty, and look like the people that are called beautiful and perfect all the time.
They all get noticed all the time by Mika, and they always tweet about it. I know that I've been noticed by him before, but I don't think Mika even knows that it was me that named Amira, otherwise he probably would have tagged me. I wish that I could be noticed by him properly, but I probably never will be. He probably doesn't notice me because there are so many better people that he could choose to tweet instead.
They are all more talented than me, and usually better than me at the things that I like to do, like writing. Sometimes I feel like giving up on writing, because other people are so much better than me and there's no point if I can't be the best at what I like to do. I'm just awful compared to everyone else, and I wish that I was actually talented.
Their parents are also all really accepting, and they make Mika-related videos with them for their Twitter accounts and things like that. I can't imagine my parents ever doing anything like that, and I kind of wish that I actually had parents that cared about me and didn't make fun of me all the time.
I wish I was a better person. :/
Everyone in the Mika fandom is exactly like me, but they're all like better versions of me.
They all have basically all of Mika's merchandise, and their rooms are covered in Mika-related things. They're actually allowed to be a fan of him, and I can't even imagine ever being allowed to like him. They go to his concerts all the time, and it makes me feel bad because See More I know I will never go to one of his concerts. Everyone is a much better fan than me, and it makes me feel horrible about myself.
They all basically look like models, and I look awful and ugly compared to them. I know that a few people on the internet say that I look cute, but I don't really want to just be cute. I want to actually be pretty, and look like the people that are called beautiful and perfect all the time.
They all get noticed all the time by Mika, and they always tweet about it. I know that I've been noticed by him before, but I don't think Mika even knows that it was me that named Amira, otherwise he probably would have tagged me. I wish that I could be noticed by him properly, but I probably never will be. He probably doesn't notice me because there are so many better people that he could choose to tweet instead.
They are all more talented than me, and usually better than me at the things that I like to do, like writing. Sometimes I feel like giving up on writing, because other people are so much better than me and there's no point if I can't be the best at what I like to do. I'm just awful compared to everyone else, and I wish that I was actually talented.
Their parents are also all really accepting, and they make Mika-related videos with them for their Twitter accounts and things like that. I can't imagine my parents ever doing anything like that, and I kind of wish that I actually had parents that cared about me and didn't make fun of me all the time.
I wish I was a better person. :/
on April 17, 2016
Today I was in an entertainment shop, and I saw that there was a Mika section. I saw two copies of Life in Cartoon Motion, and I felt happy because I knew that I already had it, and I almost felt like a good fan for once. But then I saw a copy of The Boy Who Knew Too Much, and I remembered that I don't have that album. It made me feel like a bad fan again, because everyone else in the Mika fandom has all of his albums and so much merchandise. Then I kept thinking about how everyone See More else in the fandom is so much better than me, and how everyone else is perfect and I'm not. It just made me feel awful, and I almost cried.
I thought that I would stop feeling bad about myself for not having a lot of Mika things because I got two of his albums, but it didn't really change anything. :/
I thought that I would stop feeling bad about myself for not having a lot of Mika things because I got two of his albums, but it didn't really change anything. :/
@jenesaispas
I am, though, and it's true. And I know that it happens, but it happens all the time. :/
I am, though, and it's true. And I know that it happens, but it happens all the time. :/
on April 17, 2016
@jenesaispas
I do look like a baby, though. Whenever people first meet me, they always think I'm ten, and they usually think I'm ugly too. And everything I said is true, because I'm just horrible.
I do look like a baby, though. Whenever people first meet me, they always think I'm ten, and they usually think I'm ugly too. And everything I said is true, because I'm just horrible.
on April 17, 2016
@jenesaispas
5. I'm not part of it anymore though, because I dislike nearly everyone in the group and they dislike me too. And I took myself out of the group.
6. I really don't, though. And I only ever get called cute, because I look like a baby, and that's just from my close internet friends. Other people in the fandom get called beautiful and pretty, and nobody See More has ever called me that.
5. I'm not part of it anymore though, because I dislike nearly everyone in the group and they dislike me too. And I took myself out of the group.
6. I really don't, though. And I only ever get called cute, because I look like a baby, and that's just from my close internet friends. Other people in the fandom get called beautiful and pretty, and nobody See More has ever called me that.
on April 17, 2016
@jenesaispas
And I know, but:
1. I know I have two of his albums now, and I actually feel kind of bad about that too, because I used to kind of be a sort of spokesperson for people that aren't like most of the fandom, or at least that's how I saw myself.
2. I do annoy a lot of people, because most people think I'm too opinionated and overemotional. And I guess, See More but other people have better accounts.
3. Yes, but I don't know if Mika knows that it was me, so it doesn't really count.
4. Yes, but Mika never said anything about it, and he probably didn't care about my letter. The other letters were probably more interesting than mine, and he has other fans, so he didn't just care about my story. He cares about everyone else's too.
And I know, but:
1. I know I have two of his albums now, and I actually feel kind of bad about that too, because I used to kind of be a sort of spokesperson for people that aren't like most of the fandom, or at least that's how I saw myself.
2. I do annoy a lot of people, because most people think I'm too opinionated and overemotional. And I guess, See More but other people have better accounts.
3. Yes, but I don't know if Mika knows that it was me, so it doesn't really count.
4. Yes, but Mika never said anything about it, and he probably didn't care about my letter. The other letters were probably more interesting than mine, and he has other fans, so he didn't just care about my story. He cares about everyone else's too.
on April 17, 2016
@jenesaispas
It is true, though. And I know that there are other people like me, but I think I'm kind of the main person that is like that, because I talk about it the most, even though that probably makes me sound like a horrible person.
It is true, though. And I know that there are other people like me, but I think I'm kind of the main person that is like that, because I talk about it the most, even though that probably makes me sound like a horrible person.
on April 17, 2016
on April 17, 2016
When all is shaken, say you'll be my safety. In a world uncertain, say you'll be my stone. ?
on April 17, 2016
Today I was at my grandma's house, and the TV was on in the living room. I suddenly heard Celebrate playing in the background of a show on the TV, and I recognised it from the first note of the song. Then I went into the living room so I could hear the song better, and I pretended to look for something while I was actually listening to it.
It made me really happy that Celebrate was being played on TV, because it's one of Mika's most underrated songs and also one of my favourite See More songs by him. It's amazing, and it should have been a big hit, but it wasn't because it was released in the Origin of Love era, when Mika was becoming more and more unpopular because of him changing his style of music. It hardly ever gets played anywhere, and the last time I heard it somewhere was that time when I heard it in a shop and I pretended to go to the toilet in the shop so that I could listen to it and fangirl without my parents watching me. And the shop speaker that was playing the music was in the toilet cubicle I was in, which was good. But that was more than a year ago, and I haven't heard it played anywhere in a long time, so it just kind of made me happy. ?
It made me really happy that Celebrate was being played on TV, because it's one of Mika's most underrated songs and also one of my favourite See More songs by him. It's amazing, and it should have been a big hit, but it wasn't because it was released in the Origin of Love era, when Mika was becoming more and more unpopular because of him changing his style of music. It hardly ever gets played anywhere, and the last time I heard it somewhere was that time when I heard it in a shop and I pretended to go to the toilet in the shop so that I could listen to it and fangirl without my parents watching me. And the shop speaker that was playing the music was in the toilet cubicle I was in, which was good. But that was more than a year ago, and I haven't heard it played anywhere in a long time, so it just kind of made me happy. ?
on April 16, 2016
Guys, the holiday pictures are on my personal Instagram now. My personal account is vicasounds, if you want to look at them. ?
on April 15, 2016
Also, something really good but kind of scary happened on the holiday.
I GOT MIKA ALBUMS.
On Tuesday, I was out shopping at the Blackpool shopping centre with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, and we went into HMV while my mum and my little brother went into a bargain shop. We decided to look for a Mika album, and we found the Mika section in the rock and pop albums. We found No Place in Heaven and Life in Cartoon Motion, and they were both £6. I wanted to get No Place in Heaven, and I See More had £6. So I decided to get it, even though it was risky and I could get in trouble if my mum found out that I had bought a Mika album. So I gave SkyDoesMinecraft Girl the money, and she bought the album for me. My mum was luckily still in the bargain shop, so I quickly put the album in my bag. Then we walked out of the shop, and I was scared because I felt like someone would see that I had bought a Mika album. Then we went over to SkyDoesMinecraft Girl's mum, and we told her about what we had done. I kind of thought that she would tell my mum, so I was worried, but she was okay with it, and she actually helped us to hide the album from my mum in her bag. Then when we got back to the caravan site, I went to SkyDoesMinecraft Girl's caravan, and I got No Place in Heaven.
And on Wednesday, we were out shopping again, and we went into the pound shop. I told SkyDoesMinecraft Girl that there were usually copies of Life in Cartoon Motion in the album section, so we went to look at the albums and see if it was there. I found Life in Cartoon Motion, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said she would buy it for me. Then she told her mum that she was going to buy it for me, and her mum distracted my mum while we went to pay for it. Then after we had bought it, I hid it in my bag, and then we went back into the shop and pretended to look at things until my mum had paid for her shopping.
I don't even know how we managed to buy the Mika albums without my mum finding out, and it was actually really scary when we were buying them, because I really thought she would see us. But I'm really happy that we got them, because now I kind of feel like less of a bad fan, and I never thought I would actually own any Mika albums because of my parents. And this is also another reason why SkyDoesMinecraft Girl is probably the best friend I've ever had, because she does things like this for me.
I GOT MIKA ALBUMS.
On Tuesday, I was out shopping at the Blackpool shopping centre with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, and we went into HMV while my mum and my little brother went into a bargain shop. We decided to look for a Mika album, and we found the Mika section in the rock and pop albums. We found No Place in Heaven and Life in Cartoon Motion, and they were both £6. I wanted to get No Place in Heaven, and I See More had £6. So I decided to get it, even though it was risky and I could get in trouble if my mum found out that I had bought a Mika album. So I gave SkyDoesMinecraft Girl the money, and she bought the album for me. My mum was luckily still in the bargain shop, so I quickly put the album in my bag. Then we walked out of the shop, and I was scared because I felt like someone would see that I had bought a Mika album. Then we went over to SkyDoesMinecraft Girl's mum, and we told her about what we had done. I kind of thought that she would tell my mum, so I was worried, but she was okay with it, and she actually helped us to hide the album from my mum in her bag. Then when we got back to the caravan site, I went to SkyDoesMinecraft Girl's caravan, and I got No Place in Heaven.
And on Wednesday, we were out shopping again, and we went into the pound shop. I told SkyDoesMinecraft Girl that there were usually copies of Life in Cartoon Motion in the album section, so we went to look at the albums and see if it was there. I found Life in Cartoon Motion, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said she would buy it for me. Then she told her mum that she was going to buy it for me, and her mum distracted my mum while we went to pay for it. Then after we had bought it, I hid it in my bag, and then we went back into the shop and pretended to look at things until my mum had paid for her shopping.
I don't even know how we managed to buy the Mika albums without my mum finding out, and it was actually really scary when we were buying them, because I really thought she would see us. But I'm really happy that we got them, because now I kind of feel like less of a bad fan, and I never thought I would actually own any Mika albums because of my parents. And this is also another reason why SkyDoesMinecraft Girl is probably the best friend I've ever had, because she does things like this for me.
on April 15, 2016
Guys, I'm back from the holiday now!
It was really fun, and I had a good time. My mum was actually nice to me most of the time, and I got to spend time with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl going to interesting places, so I kind of actually felt happy. Even though I knew I wouldn't be happy for very long, it was still good. It was probably the best holiday I've been on, to be honest. ?
It was really fun, and I had a good time. My mum was actually nice to me most of the time, and I got to spend time with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl going to interesting places, so I kind of actually felt happy. Even though I knew I wouldn't be happy for very long, it was still good. It was probably the best holiday I've been on, to be honest. ?
@jenesaispas
I'm glad too. Also, read my latest post about why else the holiday was good. ?
I'm glad too. Also, read my latest post about why else the holiday was good. ?
on April 15, 2016
on April 15, 2016
I'm eating at a restaurant right now with SkyDoesMinecraft Girl. ?
on April 11, 2016
Okay, guys, I'm going on holiday now. I'll be back online on Friday, but I'll try to come online whenever I can get free wifi. ?
on April 11, 2016
I just realised something. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl's mum knows that I like Mika, and she knows that I'm not allowed to be a fan of him. She might talk to my mum about it, and then she would find out.
I'm scared now. :/
I'm scared now. :/
on April 11, 2016
I just found out that the person that drew my profile picture draws pictures of everyone with Mika, and she didn't just draw me with him because she actually likes me or cares about me.
And she only drew me because someone asked her to, anyway. She definitely wouldn't have done it just because she wanted to, because nobody ever draws me. She probably didn't even want to do it. :/
And she only drew me because someone asked her to, anyway. She definitely wouldn't have done it just because she wanted to, because nobody ever draws me. She probably didn't even want to do it. :/
on April 15, 2016
@MobileDorkestra
It is, though. And she has met me, because after she drew me, we talked a lot. But she just stopped talking to me, and she talks to everyone like she talked to me. :/
It is, though. And she has met me, because after she drew me, we talked a lot. But she just stopped talking to me, and she talks to everyone like she talked to me. :/
on April 11, 2016
on April 11, 2016
I just watched a Mika interview where he talked about idolising people, and he said that people shouldn't get too close to their idol and they should just try to be a fan instead of being attached to them. He said that people shouldn't want to meet their idols, because when they are in their fandom, they make them seem like better people than they really are, and the person idolising the celebrity will just be disappointed when they finally meet them, because they realise they're See More just an ordinary person. Mika also said in the interview that it's better to not want to meet your idol, because then you can keep imagining them as being a perfect role model and you can never see if they are really a good or bad person.
I kind of agree with this, because sometimes I think that I don't want to meet Mika because I want to keep imagining him as the perfect idol, and if I meet him, it could make me less of a fan. Most of the time, though, I don't feel like this, and I want to meet him. But I also felt kind of bad, because I felt as if Mika would hate me for being so attached to him and using him as someone to help me through things. It also sounded like Mika wouldn't want his fans to want to meet him, because he felt as if he would disappoint them or something, so he might hate me for wanting to meet him and seeing him as the person that saved my life. :/
I kind of agree with this, because sometimes I think that I don't want to meet Mika because I want to keep imagining him as the perfect idol, and if I meet him, it could make me less of a fan. Most of the time, though, I don't feel like this, and I want to meet him. But I also felt kind of bad, because I felt as if Mika would hate me for being so attached to him and using him as someone to help me through things. It also sounded like Mika wouldn't want his fans to want to meet him, because he felt as if he would disappoint them or something, so he might hate me for wanting to meet him and seeing him as the person that saved my life. :/
@jenesaispas
Yeah, I guess. But I meant that Mika would probably hate me because of when he said that nobody should get attached to someone they're a fan of.
Yeah, I guess. But I meant that Mika would probably hate me because of when he said that nobody should get attached to someone they're a fan of.
on April 11, 2016
on April 10, 2016
I would probably be found out, though. And Francesca is in a different class to me for both French and Music, so I don't think that could work. :/
Ugh, that's bad. Good luck with the test.