Today I was in a shop, and I found a physical copy of Grace Kelly as a single for only 10p. I really wanted to get it, because I kind of wanted to have one of Mika's singles and I had never seen one in a shop before. But I was with my parents, so I couldn't get it. :/
on May 21, 2016
Mika just released a new song. ?
It's not really a new song, though, because it's just a different version of Stardust. But on this version of the song, a Chinese singer called Karen Mok is featured on it, so it's kind of different.
I listened to it, and it's okay, but I like the original version a lot more, to be honest. I don't really like how Mika keeps rereleasing Stardust and featuring different female artists on it, because it feels as if he's overusing the song to promote See More other artists or something. It's one of my favourite songs on The Origin of Love, but I feel as if it's kind of losing its meaning because of it being rereleased so many times. ?
It's not really a new song, though, because it's just a different version of Stardust. But on this version of the song, a Chinese singer called Karen Mok is featured on it, so it's kind of different.
I listened to it, and it's okay, but I like the original version a lot more, to be honest. I don't really like how Mika keeps rereleasing Stardust and featuring different female artists on it, because it feels as if he's overusing the song to promote See More other artists or something. It's one of my favourite songs on The Origin of Love, but I feel as if it's kind of losing its meaning because of it being rereleased so many times. ?
on May 20, 2016
on May 20, 2016
Today was a bad day.
In Art, I was picking up the things I needed to do clay work, and this boy told me to get one of the tools for him. I didn't know if he was talking to me, and I was too scared to get it in case he wasn't actually talking to me, so I didn't give it to him. Then he said, "Okay, just ignore me then." and it made me feel bad. Then when I sat down and started to carry on with my clay work, Smoking Boy came and sat down next to me, because one of his friends was See More sat at the same table. The teacher came over to him, because he had been smoking before the lesson, and they were talking about how it can affect your mind. They started talking about depression and anxiety, and I felt as if they knew that I dealt with things like that. It was just horrible.
In Maths, we were having a 'fun lesson', because the teacher thought that everyone had done well on the test yesterday. The teacher gave everyone a lollipop as a reward, and I was scared, because I felt as if someone was going to start talking about Mika. Then Human Copy Machine Girl started singing Lollipop and dancing around the classroom, and she was making fun of Mika. I felt the same horrible feeling that I always felt when someone mentioned Mika, and I felt as if I was going to have a panic attack. It was really hard to breathe, and I was shaking and almost crying. I kept trying to calm myself down and breathe normally, and then the bell went, so I managed to go outside and get some fresh air before I actually started panicking. That was lucky, but I still felt awful.
So, yeah. :/
In Art, I was picking up the things I needed to do clay work, and this boy told me to get one of the tools for him. I didn't know if he was talking to me, and I was too scared to get it in case he wasn't actually talking to me, so I didn't give it to him. Then he said, "Okay, just ignore me then." and it made me feel bad. Then when I sat down and started to carry on with my clay work, Smoking Boy came and sat down next to me, because one of his friends was See More sat at the same table. The teacher came over to him, because he had been smoking before the lesson, and they were talking about how it can affect your mind. They started talking about depression and anxiety, and I felt as if they knew that I dealt with things like that. It was just horrible.
In Maths, we were having a 'fun lesson', because the teacher thought that everyone had done well on the test yesterday. The teacher gave everyone a lollipop as a reward, and I was scared, because I felt as if someone was going to start talking about Mika. Then Human Copy Machine Girl started singing Lollipop and dancing around the classroom, and she was making fun of Mika. I felt the same horrible feeling that I always felt when someone mentioned Mika, and I felt as if I was going to have a panic attack. It was really hard to breathe, and I was shaking and almost crying. I kept trying to calm myself down and breathe normally, and then the bell went, so I managed to go outside and get some fresh air before I actually started panicking. That was lucky, but I still felt awful.
So, yeah. :/
on May 20, 2016
on May 19, 2016
To be honest, if I actually did kill myself, nobody at my school would actually care. They would probably laugh and carry on saying horrible things about me, because that's the kind of people they are. If the teachers announced it in assembly, I can imagine them changing the story of why I wanted to die so that they could turn it into a story about making the school better. They did that whenever they talked about other serious topics, so they'd probably do it if I died. :/
on May 19, 2016
Today was a bad day.
In Maths, we were doing a test, and Goldfish Girl asked me when I was going to finish doing the test, because I was one of the only people that was still working. I didn't answer her, and everyone started laughing and saying things like, "Why would you talk to Victoria? She's obviously not going to answer you." I just felt horrible, and then Echosmith Hater Girl started making fun of Alessia Cara, which meant that now she had hated on all of my favourite See More singers and bands. That just made me feel even worse, and I was relieved when the lesson was over.
When I was walking to my Maths classroom, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl told me that Golden Girl had been talking about me and the fact that I liked Mika in her last lesson. She said that the teacher had told this boy to kill himself, which made them start talking about me. That meant that they must know that I want to die, because they wouldn't have been reminded of me by that if they didn't know about it. Then apparently Golden Girl started talking about Mika, and she talked about me calling her a fake fan. That also meant that they had probably been reading my posts, because they wouldn't know that I was calling her a fake fan if they hadn't been reading them. Then SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said that Golden Girl said she wasn't a fake fan, because she liked some of Mika's songs. That made me feel horrible, because she was a fake fan. She might know and like a few of his songs, but she literally only knows his more well known songs, like Grace Kelly and We Are Golden. And even if she was a real fan, she shouldn't be talking about him when I'm going to hear about it, because it scares me when people talk about him at school, and I think she knows that, because of the really bad panic attack I had in PE because of it that time. And I just want to have a place to say what I think, without anyone from school reading it, because that's what my social media is to me. Because I can't talk in real life, my posts are one of the only ways that I can have a voice. But people at school are taking that away from me as well, like they take everything away from me. I just want to do what makes me happy without it being ruined. And SkyDoesMinecraft Girl didn't tell me anything else about what she said, because we were going to be late to our next lesson, but I know that they said more horrible things about me and Mika.
In French, I kept thinking about what SkyDoesMinecraft Girl told me, and I started crying because of it. I nearly had a panic attack as well, because I was overthinking everything, but I managed to calm myself down.
I just want to die. :/
In Maths, we were doing a test, and Goldfish Girl asked me when I was going to finish doing the test, because I was one of the only people that was still working. I didn't answer her, and everyone started laughing and saying things like, "Why would you talk to Victoria? She's obviously not going to answer you." I just felt horrible, and then Echosmith Hater Girl started making fun of Alessia Cara, which meant that now she had hated on all of my favourite See More singers and bands. That just made me feel even worse, and I was relieved when the lesson was over.
When I was walking to my Maths classroom, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl told me that Golden Girl had been talking about me and the fact that I liked Mika in her last lesson. She said that the teacher had told this boy to kill himself, which made them start talking about me. That meant that they must know that I want to die, because they wouldn't have been reminded of me by that if they didn't know about it. Then apparently Golden Girl started talking about Mika, and she talked about me calling her a fake fan. That also meant that they had probably been reading my posts, because they wouldn't know that I was calling her a fake fan if they hadn't been reading them. Then SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said that Golden Girl said she wasn't a fake fan, because she liked some of Mika's songs. That made me feel horrible, because she was a fake fan. She might know and like a few of his songs, but she literally only knows his more well known songs, like Grace Kelly and We Are Golden. And even if she was a real fan, she shouldn't be talking about him when I'm going to hear about it, because it scares me when people talk about him at school, and I think she knows that, because of the really bad panic attack I had in PE because of it that time. And I just want to have a place to say what I think, without anyone from school reading it, because that's what my social media is to me. Because I can't talk in real life, my posts are one of the only ways that I can have a voice. But people at school are taking that away from me as well, like they take everything away from me. I just want to do what makes me happy without it being ruined. And SkyDoesMinecraft Girl didn't tell me anything else about what she said, because we were going to be late to our next lesson, but I know that they said more horrible things about me and Mika.
In French, I kept thinking about what SkyDoesMinecraft Girl told me, and I started crying because of it. I nearly had a panic attack as well, because I was overthinking everything, but I managed to calm myself down.
I just want to die. :/
@jenesaispas
That's actually really bad. I think about wanting to die quite a lot, but I hardly ever actually do anything about it. And I try to do that, but everything in my life is bad and there's literally no reason for me to live. And even when there is something, I feel like there's nothing as soon as it's over. :/
That's actually really bad. I think about wanting to die quite a lot, but I hardly ever actually do anything about it. And I try to do that, but everything in my life is bad and there's literally no reason for me to live. And even when there is something, I feel like there's nothing as soon as it's over. :/
on May 19, 2016
@jenesaispas
I'm sorry, that must be horrible. I hope it turns out okay, because I know how awful it is when your parents find out things like that. And I guess so, but I feel like I don't want to go through anything else in the future. I just want everything to stop. And maybe on or two people would miss me, but I'm just tired of having to go through the same See More things every day. And people will probably treat me the same in the future too, so I just don't want to live anymore. :/
I'm sorry, that must be horrible. I hope it turns out okay, because I know how awful it is when your parents find out things like that. And I guess so, but I feel like I don't want to go through anything else in the future. I just want everything to stop. And maybe on or two people would miss me, but I'm just tired of having to go through the same See More things every day. And people will probably treat me the same in the future too, so I just don't want to live anymore. :/
on May 19, 2016
on May 19, 2016
Read Forever - Chapter 3 - Wattpad
Forever:Chapter 3 - The story of two girls battling depression, and their idols that saved their lives.
Bianca Parker doesn't like herself at all. She is bull...
on May 18, 2016
Today was okay, apart from a few things.
At break, I was talking to SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, and she told me that this girl in her last lesson had been asking her why I didn't talk. That made me feel bad, because I hated when people asked why I don't talk. It's not any of their business, and if they knew the real reason why, they would just bully me even more. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said that she had told the girl that I did talk, and that I just preferred to talk to her, so that See More she didn't have to tell her the real reason. That was good, but it was still bad that she asked her about it.
At lunch, I was using the bathroom, and I was in one of the toilet cubicles. These older girls came into the bathroom, and they started banging on the door of the cubicle that I was in and asking if there was anyone in it. I was really scared, because I couldn't answer them, and they kept shouting horrible things at me, which just made me feel worse. I almost had a panic attack, but I managed to calm myself down. I was scared to walk out of the cubicle, but I forced myself to, and when I went out, there was about ten older girls staring at me. I just felt horrible.
In form, I was doing my work, and I heard these girls talking about me. They were sat at the back of the room, so I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but I heard my name mentioned about three times. Then one of them said, "Don't bully Victoria!" and laughed, and then all of them started laughing. I felt bad, because people always talk about me and make fun of me.
In Science, Smoking Boy's best friend was sat next to me, and he started asking me questions and making fun of me. I tried to ignore him, but it was still horrible. Luckily, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl arrived to the lesson then and told him to leave me alone, and I moved seats so I didn't have to sit near him. But I still felt bad.
But one good thing that happened today was that I didn't have to sing and perform a song in front of the class, because you could choose to make a poster instead for that lesson. I still have to perform in the next lesson or the lesson after that, though.
At break, I was talking to SkyDoesMinecraft Girl, and she told me that this girl in her last lesson had been asking her why I didn't talk. That made me feel bad, because I hated when people asked why I don't talk. It's not any of their business, and if they knew the real reason why, they would just bully me even more. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said that she had told the girl that I did talk, and that I just preferred to talk to her, so that See More she didn't have to tell her the real reason. That was good, but it was still bad that she asked her about it.
At lunch, I was using the bathroom, and I was in one of the toilet cubicles. These older girls came into the bathroom, and they started banging on the door of the cubicle that I was in and asking if there was anyone in it. I was really scared, because I couldn't answer them, and they kept shouting horrible things at me, which just made me feel worse. I almost had a panic attack, but I managed to calm myself down. I was scared to walk out of the cubicle, but I forced myself to, and when I went out, there was about ten older girls staring at me. I just felt horrible.
In form, I was doing my work, and I heard these girls talking about me. They were sat at the back of the room, so I couldn't really hear what they were saying, but I heard my name mentioned about three times. Then one of them said, "Don't bully Victoria!" and laughed, and then all of them started laughing. I felt bad, because people always talk about me and make fun of me.
In Science, Smoking Boy's best friend was sat next to me, and he started asking me questions and making fun of me. I tried to ignore him, but it was still horrible. Luckily, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl arrived to the lesson then and told him to leave me alone, and I moved seats so I didn't have to sit near him. But I still felt bad.
But one good thing that happened today was that I didn't have to sing and perform a song in front of the class, because you could choose to make a poster instead for that lesson. I still have to perform in the next lesson or the lesson after that, though.
on May 18, 2016
I have to choose a song to sing and play in front of the whole class in Music today, and I'm really scared. :/
@jenesaispas
Probably not, because the teachers set things to do for certain lessons, and the performance is an assessment that you have to do.
Probably not, because the teachers set things to do for certain lessons, and the performance is an assessment that you have to do.
on May 18, 2016
@jenesaispas
Thanks. But I ended up not having to do it today. I still have to do it in the next lesson or the lesson after that, though. And that's lucky, haha. ☺
Thanks. But I ended up not having to do it today. I still have to do it in the next lesson or the lesson after that, though. And that's lucky, haha. ☺
on May 18, 2016
on May 18, 2016
Mika just tweeted saying that he's back in England, and that he's busy recording a performance for BBC Radio 2 in the style of the TV show Pointless.
I don't actually know if he means that he's going to be on BBC Radio 2, or if he's going to be the guest performer on Pointless. I'm not sure how he can perform in the style of Pointless, because it's a quiz show, unless he's going to do a quiz on the radio and then perform. But I'll have to watch or listen to it with my parents See More no matter which one it is, because my parents listen to BBC Radio 2 in the car, and they also watch Pointless after tea.
I'm excited because he's doing something in England, but I'm also kind of scared because my parents will probably make fun of him.
I don't actually know if he means that he's going to be on BBC Radio 2, or if he's going to be the guest performer on Pointless. I'm not sure how he can perform in the style of Pointless, because it's a quiz show, unless he's going to do a quiz on the radio and then perform. But I'll have to watch or listen to it with my parents See More no matter which one it is, because my parents listen to BBC Radio 2 in the car, and they also watch Pointless after tea.
I'm excited because he's doing something in England, but I'm also kind of scared because my parents will probably make fun of him.
on May 16, 2016
OH MY GOSH.
Mika might be getting a tattoo.
It's going to be a tattoo of a white fox, with green and brown leaves around its head. It's actually really beautiful, and I think it would suit him. Mika seems to really like it, and I kind of hope he will get it.
But something that makes me sad is the amount of people commenting on the picture of the tattoo he wants to get, telling him not to get it. They say that they think he 'won't stay the same person' and that he will 'become See More a bad person' if he gets a tattoo. But I think that's wrong. He's a 32 year old man, and he can do whatever he wants with his own body. If Mika likes it and he wants to get it, then it's his choice, not the choice of the people telling him he shouldn't do it. And some people are even saying that they don't want him to get the tattoo because they want him to 'stay pure'. That's wrong too, because having a tattoo does not make you any less worthy of respect, as some people seem to think.
Mika might be getting a tattoo.
It's going to be a tattoo of a white fox, with green and brown leaves around its head. It's actually really beautiful, and I think it would suit him. Mika seems to really like it, and I kind of hope he will get it.
But something that makes me sad is the amount of people commenting on the picture of the tattoo he wants to get, telling him not to get it. They say that they think he 'won't stay the same person' and that he will 'become See More a bad person' if he gets a tattoo. But I think that's wrong. He's a 32 year old man, and he can do whatever he wants with his own body. If Mika likes it and he wants to get it, then it's his choice, not the choice of the people telling him he shouldn't do it. And some people are even saying that they don't want him to get the tattoo because they want him to 'stay pure'. That's wrong too, because having a tattoo does not make you any less worthy of respect, as some people seem to think.
on May 14, 2016
Today was okay. ?
on May 13, 2016
Mika just did his question and answer livestream, and he answered nearly everyone's questions apart from mine. A lot of fan accounts were noticed, and he tweeted everyone that asked him a question, apart from me. And I was the first person to tweet him a question, and I asked him a lot of questions, so I really thought that he was going to notice me. But he didn't, probably because he thinks I'm annoying.
I don't know why this made me sad, because I don't usually get upset about See More things like this, but I just did for some reason. I guess it was because I was expecting him to answer my question, and I was really excited because I thought he would notice me. It's also probably because of a lot of other things that are making me feel bad. I feel really pathetic and stupid for feeling sad because of something like this, but I just feel kind of horrible. :/
I don't know why this made me sad, because I don't usually get upset about See More things like this, but I just did for some reason. I guess it was because I was expecting him to answer my question, and I was really excited because I thought he would notice me. It's also probably because of a lot of other things that are making me feel bad. I feel really pathetic and stupid for feeling sad because of something like this, but I just feel kind of horrible. :/
With that attitude, you won't ;) Remember the law of attraction - focusing on positive thoughts brings positive experiences to you.
on May 14, 2016
@MysticMedievalSamuraiPrincess
Thanks. . .But I'll never meet him, even when I'm older and I can. :/
Thanks. . .But I'll never meet him, even when I'm older and I can. :/
on May 13, 2016
There's always the possibility that he will do a question and answer livestream again! Better yet, there's always the possibility that you'll get to go to one of his concerts, and meet him in person. I'm 100% sure you're his most dedicated fan, so you definitely deserve to get his autograph and a bouquet of roses from him. And as for the disappointment, even See More though you never usually get upset about that sort of thing, it's natural - you're right; it's completely unfair that you weren't noticed, and as terrible as it is, life is sometimes not fair. It happens to the best of people, but luckily, due to karma, it's sure to be made up to you soon.
on May 13, 2016
@MysticMedievalSamuraiPrincess
I guess, but he might not do a question and answer livestream again. And I do feel bad about being disappointed, because I never usually feel upset about things like this.
I guess, but he might not do a question and answer livestream again. And I do feel bad about being disappointed, because I never usually feel upset about things like this.
on May 13, 2016
on May 12, 2016
on May 12, 2016
Forever - Chapter 2 - Wattpad
Forever:Chapter 2 - The story of two girls battling depression, and their idols that saved their lives.
Bianca Parker doesn't like herself at all. She is bull...
on May 11, 2016
Today was okay, apart from one thing.
In PSHE, I was doing my work, and everyone else in the class was taking this mood test that someone had found on the internet. The results told you how high or low your levels of depression and anxiety were, and when people took it, they made the test tell them that they were severely depressed. Everyone started making jokes about it, and everyone kept saying that they had severe depression, when they didn't, and they didn't even know how See More serious depression is. They kept making fun of suicide, self harm and panic attacks, and it was just awful. It was really triggering, and I was literally the only person in the room who wasn't making fun of it. I actually nearly had a panic attack, and I nearly started crying because it made me feel horrible. I kept singing We Are Golden to myself, and I eventually managed to calm down. But it was still just so disgusting how everyone could be so ignorant and make fun of things like that when they don't even know what it's like to be depressed or have any of the other things they joked about.
So, yeah. :/
In PSHE, I was doing my work, and everyone else in the class was taking this mood test that someone had found on the internet. The results told you how high or low your levels of depression and anxiety were, and when people took it, they made the test tell them that they were severely depressed. Everyone started making jokes about it, and everyone kept saying that they had severe depression, when they didn't, and they didn't even know how See More serious depression is. They kept making fun of suicide, self harm and panic attacks, and it was just awful. It was really triggering, and I was literally the only person in the room who wasn't making fun of it. I actually nearly had a panic attack, and I nearly started crying because it made me feel horrible. I kept singing We Are Golden to myself, and I eventually managed to calm down. But it was still just so disgusting how everyone could be so ignorant and make fun of things like that when they don't even know what it's like to be depressed or have any of the other things they joked about.
So, yeah. :/
on May 11, 2016
I saw this online, and thought it might help you.
"It may seem like there’s no way your parents will be able to help, especially if they are always nagging you or getting angry about your behavior. The truth is, parents hate to see their kids hurting. They may feel frustrated because they don’t understand what is going on with you or know how to help.
Many parents don’t know enough about depression to recognize it in their own kids, so it may be up to you to educate them. You See More can refer them to this site, or look for further information online. Letting your parents know that you are feeling depressed will probably motivate them to get you the help you need.
If your parents are abusive in any way, or if they have problems of their own that makes it difficult for them to take care of you, find another adult you trust (such as a relative, teacher, counselor, or coach). This person can either help you approach your parents, or direct you toward the support you need. If you truly don’t have anyone you can talk to, refer to our resources at the end of this article. There are many hotlines, services, and support groups that can help.
No matter what, talk to someone, especially if you are having any thoughts of harming yourself or others. Asking for help is the bravest thing you can do, and the first step on your way to feeling better."
Let me know if it does! :)
"It may seem like there’s no way your parents will be able to help, especially if they are always nagging you or getting angry about your behavior. The truth is, parents hate to see their kids hurting. They may feel frustrated because they don’t understand what is going on with you or know how to help.
Many parents don’t know enough about depression to recognize it in their own kids, so it may be up to you to educate them. You See More can refer them to this site, or look for further information online. Letting your parents know that you are feeling depressed will probably motivate them to get you the help you need.
If your parents are abusive in any way, or if they have problems of their own that makes it difficult for them to take care of you, find another adult you trust (such as a relative, teacher, counselor, or coach). This person can either help you approach your parents, or direct you toward the support you need. If you truly don’t have anyone you can talk to, refer to our resources at the end of this article. There are many hotlines, services, and support groups that can help.
No matter what, talk to someone, especially if you are having any thoughts of harming yourself or others. Asking for help is the bravest thing you can do, and the first step on your way to feeling better."
Let me know if it does! :)
Well, kind of both. Basically, whenever anyone speaks to me, a normal person would just reply, but I just don't react, and my mind suddenly feels like it has gone blank. I kind of freeze and act as if they hadn't spoken to me. I'm not sure if it happens because I'm anxious, though, because I'm not exactly scared to talk to people. It's just how I react naturally, See More like how most people would answer the person talking to them. I can sometimes nod and say short sentences to teachers, but only if they talk to me first, because I can't go up to them and talk to them. And when people accept me and try to be friends with me for a while, I start to be able to say more and more to them.
on May 12, 2016
When you say you can't talk, do you mean that you are physically unable to talk, or are you just too anxious to talk?
on May 12, 2016
@MysticMedievalSamuraiPrincess
I don't think I have social anxiety, really. If I did have some form of anxiety, it would probably just be generalised anxiety, because even though a lot of the things you listed scare me, I worry more about things like not knowing where to go for a lesson, or not having a partner for something. I could have social anxiety, but See More if I did, it would probably only be minor. But most of the things I worry about are caused by the fact that I can't talk at school, so yeah. :/
I don't think I have social anxiety, really. If I did have some form of anxiety, it would probably just be generalised anxiety, because even though a lot of the things you listed scare me, I worry more about things like not knowing where to go for a lesson, or not having a partner for something. I could have social anxiety, but See More if I did, it would probably only be minor. But most of the things I worry about are caused by the fact that I can't talk at school, so yeah. :/
on May 12, 2016
I'm pretty sure that you have social anxiety.
The following situations are often stressful for people with social anxiety disorder:
Meeting new people
Being the center of attention
Being watched while doing something See More
Making small talk
Public speaking
Performing on stage
Being teased or criticized
Talking with “important” people or authority figures
Being called on in class
Going on a date
Making phone calls
Using public bathrooms
Taking exams
Eating or drinking in public
Speaking up in a meeting
Attending parties or other social gatherings
The following situations are often stressful for people with social anxiety disorder:
Meeting new people
Being the center of attention
Being watched while doing something See More
Making small talk
Public speaking
Performing on stage
Being teased or criticized
Talking with “important” people or authority figures
Being called on in class
Going on a date
Making phone calls
Using public bathrooms
Taking exams
Eating or drinking in public
Speaking up in a meeting
Attending parties or other social gatherings
on May 12, 2016
@MysticMedievalSamuraiPrincess
But that's just for anxiety, and a lot of my problems aren't because of depression or anxiety. I can cope with them, but I just can't cope with the things that worsen them. And I don't even know if I have depression or anxiety yet, because I can't get a diagnosis. I might not even have them.
But that's just for anxiety, and a lot of my problems aren't because of depression or anxiety. I can cope with them, but I just can't cope with the things that worsen them. And I don't even know if I have depression or anxiety yet, because I can't get a diagnosis. I might not even have them.
on May 12, 2016
on May 11, 2016