Invisible

Like Nothing Had Changed

( I'm going to try something this chapter.  Open up YouTube and look up Something's Got to Give by OneRepublic.  Don't play it until I say to in the writing.  I'm hoping this will add to the story, give it some more "layers" so to speak.  Tell me what you guys think of that idea.  If you don't like it, please comment.  Thanks for participating in this little experiment!)

I didn't know where to drive.  I shouldn't have been driving in my condition- pure rage and panic. Normally my radio was on, but I shut it off the minute the music started.

In the distance, I could see the high school's football stadium where me and Lucas talked after our first kiss.  I don't know why I did it, but I pulled over.  Partially because I felt like I was going to be sick, and partially because I didn't have anywhere else to go.  Tossing my apron in the backseat, I opened the door and headed to the bleachers.

It was getting a little chilly, but I went all the way to the very top of the bleachers.  I sat on the hard metal, the exact same place me and Lucas had been.  

For a few minutes, it was nothing but peace and quiet.  I could hear the crickets, and the cars passing by.  My head was still reeling from both Lucas's and my dad's comeback, but right now I need to just clear my head.  I closed my eyes, stretching out on the bleachers.  I put one arm behind my head to serve as a pillow, and just tried to calm down.  

"Kasey!"

My eyes shot open.  

Lucas.

I slowly sat up to see Lucas at the bottom of the bleachers, one hand in his hair.

"Lucas, please," I tried to keep the strain out of my voice but failed.

He ignored me, stubborn as ever.  He took the stairs two at a time, and once he reached me, he sat down.

I jumped up, not wanting to be anywhere near him.  I started towards the stairs.  

"Kasey, please.  I just want to talk to you.  We need to talk."

I stopped in my tracks.

"Excuse me?  We don't need to do anything. This "we" that you talk about is over!"  I crossed my arms over my chest as I turned to face him.

He was standing, but he sat back down, defeated.  "You're right.  You don't owe me anything.  But I know you want to talk to me."

Something inside me snapped.  "Fine!  Let's talk, Lucas.  What should we talk about?  Hmm?    We could talk about the fact that my dad just made a surprise appearance after years and years of not having any contact whatsoever with him.  How about we start with the fact that you lied to me?  Or maybe with you setting me up to get- you know.  I could tell you how I thought I loved you and that I am so glad you have been out of my life. Maybe we can talk about how my heart has been shattered too many times within the last few months, and seeing you is only shattering it more."

Lucas looked completely broken.  But he deserved it.  "Kasey I am so sorry about your dad and just everything," his voice shook.  "I am so so sorry."

(Start song)

"I've already told you that sorry isn't good enough!"

"Then what is good enough, Kase?!?"

"I don't know, okay?  I don't know what it's going to take!  But sorry doesn't take away any of the scars you've given me. What I went through that night..." I took a shaky breath.  "I will never be able to forget that."'

"I know, I know," Lucas started walking to me.  "Trust me, I know.  But I want you to listen to me.  No- I need you to listen to me."

He was standing so close to me.  If I just reached out a few inches, I would be touching him.

Lucas took a few breaths.  "Kasey, I want you to know that everything we had was real."

I scoffed.

"I'm serious Kase.  Every moment I spent with you was real.  There was never a second when I didn't feel guilty or horrible about what I was doing.  But at the same time,  I needed to be around you.  Do you want to know why?"

I shook my head.  "No, don't say it."

"Because I love you," he smiled, "I love you so much it hurts to not see you every second of every day."

"You can't love me Lucas."

His face fell.  "Why not?"

"Because I promised myself I wouldn't fall for you again."

Lucas took a small step closer.  "How is that working for you?"

I couldn't answer him.  I was too overwhelmed with the inner war within myself.  One side knew I needed to leave and never look back.  But there it was- that familiar feeling of what I once felt for Lucas.  I wanted to love him again, but could I forgive what he had done?

All of a sudden, Lucas's hands were on my back.  They trailed their way up my spine, coming back around to my face.  One hand lifted my chin to look him in the eye.  Those eyes.  Those beautiful clear blue eyes.  All of those memories.

"I love you Kasey.  Whether you want me to or not, I do, and I'm here.  I'm here, I need you, Kasey," he said.

Then, as if there was an unspoken message told between us, we both leaned in.  

Just like that, our lips touched.  

Even though we had kissed countless times before, this one felt like the first kiss.  It felt new and exciting, but at the same time, familiar and completely right.

My hands ran through his hair as his hands trailed up and down my back.  Our lips were pressed fiercely against each others, as if something was going to pull us apart.  I could feel him smile against my lips as I tugged gently at one of his tangles.  It was as if nothing had changed.

Like nothing had changed.

But everything had.

It all came crashing back, hitting me like a ton of bricks.

I jerked away from him, on the verge of tears.  "Oh my God.  What am I doing?"  I asked.  

Lucas sighed, closing his eyes.  "I'm sorry, I thought maybe..."

"I need to go," I turned and ran down the stairs.  What have I done?  What was wrong with me?

"I love you!" I heard him call, but I couldn't bring myself to say anything.


*Author's Note
Thanks for participating in this little experiment.  Hope you liked this chapter.  What do you think about me adding until chapter 35?