Invisible

A Whole Lot of Bad

I was driving ten miles over the speed limit, but safety was at the back of my mind.  The only thing I wanted to do was get away.

The light ahead turned red, and I slammed on the breaks last minute, cursing.  I can't stop moving.  Moving is the only thing keeping me from breaking down.  From thinking.  From completely losing it.  A tear fell against my will, but I wiped it away.  It's just been a stressful day, I told myself.  After a good night's sleep, my head will be cleared and everything will be fine.

Green light.  

About five minutes later, I pulled into Phil's driveway.  I saw an unfamiliar Jeep parked on the curb, but Phil was always having work friends over to have dinner.  I checked myself in the mirror.

Ouch.  My hair was a tangled mess, my eyes were red, and my cheeks were blotchy.  If I hurried, I could probably make it to my room without too much fuss.

I went in to the kitchen, hearing quiet chatter and the familiar sound of my mom and Phil talking.  I turned around from locking the door back, and there, sitting at the kitchen table, was none other than my father.

********************

"Um, Kasey," my mother started, "this is your father."

I nodded.  Tears poured over, my head started pounding.  I took a few shaky breaths, trying to say something, but I couldn't.

"We met earlier," my dad said.  Alan is his name.

"Did you?"  My mom asked.  "You just got here, Alan."

"I ran into that old diner first and saw Kasey," he offered me a smile.

My mom just nodded.  She looked uncomfortable, but not as uncomfortable as Phil who looked like he was about to make a run for it.

"Do you want to say something Kasey?"  My mom asked. "Kasey-"

"Mom! Leave me alone!"  I screamed.  "It's just too much!" I ran to my room, slamming the door behind me.  I was on the verge of having a huge breakdown.

I didn't bother turning the light on.   I didn't bother changing.  I didn't do anything except slide into bed.

********************

My mom tried to get me to eat dinner.  She tried to get me to talk.  She tried to do a lot of things, but I wouldn't let her.  I just laid in bed, crying and thinking.  

At about two in the morning, I heard my mom talking outside my door.  "She won't talk to me.  She definitely wont talk to Phil.  Will you try to get her to say what's going on?  Please, Alan."

"Sure," I heard my dads soft voice.  

My door creaked open, and I sat up.  My dad's shadow fell over the bed.  

"You probably don't remember, but when you were little, you used to throw these huge tantrums.  Your mom would try to talk to you, your sister would try to talk to you.  But you would just fuss and cry," he sat on the edge of my bed.

I sniffed, shoulders shaking.

"The only thing that would get you to calm down was if I held you.  The minute I picked you up, you would stop.  It was so strange, but wonderful at the same time," he smiled.  

"And then you left," I said.

I was hoping I would strike a nerve or something, but my dad just nodded.  "I did leave, I'm not going to lie to you."

"Why?"

"Because I was scared, which now seems like the worst excuse," my dad said.  "When your sister came along, it was a surprise.  Then, you come and it scared the hell out of me.  I didn't have any money, I wasn't going to be able to support you.  And I was so young."

"You could have tried."

"Trust me, Kasey.  There was not a day in my life when I didn't think about you, or wish I had stayed.  I actually talked to your sister when she first started college."

I raised my eye brows.

"Don't be mad, she wanted to keep it a secret."

I nodded.

"Kasey, what's bothering you.  Your mom said you had a rough year."

I laughed.  "Rough is one way to put it."

"That bad?"

"You have no idea."

"Tell me about it."

His words hit me like a ton of bricks.  I hadn't really told anyone what happened besides the police and my sister and mom.  But that was because I was forced to tell them.  

I nodded.  "Okay."

My dad seemed surprised.  "Start at the beginning."

"Okay.  Well, there was this guy."

***********************
I told my dad everything.  From Lucas and me talking to each other when I got knocked over, to the gummy bear fight, to our first kiss, to that horrible horrible night.

By the end, my dad didn't know what to say.  He just pulled me into a hug.  Although I had spent so many years hating him for leaving, it felt nice to finally be hugged by him.

After awhile, I dozed off, comforted by the feeling of my dads strong arms.  And for a while, I thought every thing was going to be okay.  

My heart wasn't prepared for what happened next.