i’ve actually had motivation for songs lately tbh but they’re all pure sad singer/songwriter bullshit that all sounds the same
on March 26, 2023
im trying to “hahaahaha silly little guy” my way through this but tbh things are getting rough again and i think i need to disappear off the face of the planet again
on March 26, 2023
im 19 now also my fish died wtf
on March 25, 2023
blw sends da worst tezt ever gets executed
on March 24, 2023
today was very? drank coffee, skipped class bc i eated too much ibuprofen and my stomach tried to kill itself, went to trader joe’s, cleaned da cave, ripped a bong, n kissed my friend
on March 24, 2023
birthday prezents so far
-painting of me (and it’s acc so insanely good i love her ugh)
-brownies
-cute lil card
-a joint lol
-a cactus
-a tattoo (not yet but am getting soon)
-painting of me (and it’s acc so insanely good i love her ugh)
-brownies
-cute lil card
-a joint lol
-a cactus
-a tattoo (not yet but am getting soon)
on March 24, 2023
life updates!!!!
-it’s been good again. it got really bad for a few days bc i had an aesthetic rare psychosis moment and for a few days i couldn’t sleep bc i heard voices and felt bugs under my skin but it stopped
-first full day in weeks where i didn’t have a panic attack
-gonna vigorously clean the apartment tomorrow and reward myself with a little bit of za
-i had acc planned on doing so today but i decided to do do some maintenance on my massive monstera plant bc it was See More getting so big it was falling over. trimmed back overgrowth, tied to a pole, took a cutting and hopefully will have another monstera soon
-harem has once again expanded
-two classes til spring break
-turning 19 on saturday and getting my tattoo soon!!!!
-chicago finally isn’t so cold it feels like skin will fall off
-it’s been good again. it got really bad for a few days bc i had an aesthetic rare psychosis moment and for a few days i couldn’t sleep bc i heard voices and felt bugs under my skin but it stopped
-first full day in weeks where i didn’t have a panic attack
-gonna vigorously clean the apartment tomorrow and reward myself with a little bit of za
-i had acc planned on doing so today but i decided to do do some maintenance on my massive monstera plant bc it was See More getting so big it was falling over. trimmed back overgrowth, tied to a pole, took a cutting and hopefully will have another monstera soon
-harem has once again expanded
-two classes til spring break
-turning 19 on saturday and getting my tattoo soon!!!!
-chicago finally isn’t so cold it feels like skin will fall off
on March 23, 2023
on March 20, 2023
this is The Night Ever /bad i can’t sleep bc i’m hyper aware of my body and the auditory hallucinations r going crazy
on March 18, 2023
on March 17, 2023
today was inzane there was a gas leak in the fuckking audio building (while i was literally in my production class) and we had to evacuate
on March 16, 2023
adding onto last night’s rant i hate seeing undiagnosed people very obviously pretending to have a disorder that’s literally fuckking ruining my social life. its not a cute quirky little trait, it’s a genuine mental illness that we have no control over and ive had to accept that i’ll probably never be able to have a healthy relationship because of it but sureeee ur so “manic” go cut ur hair rn
@McFaggot def not all of them but people treating bpd like it’s something it’s not is such a huge part of the reason why those who need treatment can’t access it. the amount of times i’ve been told that “bpd doesn’t make you act like that” when it literally does but nobody knows about it because the media is so focused on destigmatizing it…
on March 13, 2023
ive literally dated someone w bpd , im not saying i regretted it but like it was one of the worst ones especially cus they couldnt get the proper care for it. i ‘m not saying all relationships w bpd ppl are bad but ..
on March 13, 2023
on March 13, 2023
ranting on qfeast dot com j bc i feel like it’s the only place nobody will listen and i don’t want my friends to see this anyways j ignore lolsies oops
i fuckking hate having bpd. i hate how all i can do to make myself feel real is seek validation. it does nothing but get me into trouble and ruin my life and just idk i’m so tired. im sick of constantly being told that my disorder doesn’t make me a bad person while i know full well that if i didn’t have it i’d be less of a dick. See More also i wouldn’t have been taken advantage of my sophomore year. i would be a decent person and maybe even the kind of girl you could bring home to your parents or something but i hate knowing that all i’ll ever be to anyone is this image of a girl that looks good from afar idfk. im damaged to the point where it’s just damage. not even in a cool artsy way im just fuckked up bad
i fuckking hate having bpd. i hate how all i can do to make myself feel real is seek validation. it does nothing but get me into trouble and ruin my life and just idk i’m so tired. im sick of constantly being told that my disorder doesn’t make me a bad person while i know full well that if i didn’t have it i’d be less of a dick. See More also i wouldn’t have been taken advantage of my sophomore year. i would be a decent person and maybe even the kind of girl you could bring home to your parents or something but i hate knowing that all i’ll ever be to anyone is this image of a girl that looks good from afar idfk. im damaged to the point where it’s just damage. not even in a cool artsy way im just fuckked up bad
on March 13, 2023
life has been pretty decent + ok lately? updates
-midterms r next week, but they’re not bad bc it’s just music theory stuff
-may be forming a folk duo and/or band with this one dude
-currently 4 seasons into south park
-birthday in 2 weeks im so old
-i’ve decided that this summer im going to actually be productive, whether i stay in chi or go to ohio for the summer im going to be working (preferably blue collar bc i need to stay fit)
-getting my tattoo very soon!!!!! the See More elliott smith one!!!!
-now that it’s almost not winter anymore i’m hoping i’ll stop feeling like shit most of the time
-midterms r next week, but they’re not bad bc it’s just music theory stuff
-may be forming a folk duo and/or band with this one dude
-currently 4 seasons into south park
-birthday in 2 weeks im so old
-i’ve decided that this summer im going to actually be productive, whether i stay in chi or go to ohio for the summer im going to be working (preferably blue collar bc i need to stay fit)
-getting my tattoo very soon!!!!! the See More elliott smith one!!!!
-now that it’s almost not winter anymore i’m hoping i’ll stop feeling like shit most of the time
on March 12, 2023
date was fun even tho we literally almost got hit by a bus (it was our fault because we jaywalked) i instinctively grabbed their arm for some reason but i don’t think i made things awkward probably
on March 12, 2023
my school sent out a crime advisory bc somebody walked up to someone and tripped them (there was no coverage on the lady that got hit by a truck and died a few weeks back) (or on the random old men that j walk around actively masturbating)
oh also if they reallyyyyy wanna get on the crime in chicago they should help me get financial compensation for my stolen/damaged property and damage fees from when my ex roommates broke into my room and trashed it ?
on March 11, 2023
on March 11, 2023