identikit - Page 23

in a friend group w two dude who both seem to be all over me (one of them asked me to get coffee w him and the other liked me on hinge a little while back j before i started talking to ******) and they’ve both started calling me “the lady” and also they’re both friends with ****** which makes this even more awkward and terrifying (they don’t know we’re talking)

who remembers when i was a middle school asshole band kid and hated orchestra and was always complaining ab how much better band was and stuff

its 9:30 and i have an assignment due at noon pray for me

current fav songs this month

https://spotify.link/puK8uo3chDb

some life updates
-almost shit my pants today bc there’s a guy on campus posing as a student and robbing columbia students and he approached me today and tried to get me to give him money but i told him no and he followed me to the coffee shop but then left he didn’t successfully rob me and hopefully campus security will deal with him but still Very scary and not cool situation wtf
-played flute in orchestra for the first time:D was so scary
-sooo ready for fall:D i’m gonna See More make so many fun harvest treats. wanna invite the person i’m seeing over to bake pumpkin bread with me.
-ive felt so pretty lately. been wearing skirts a lot and i found a good lipstick shade finally.
-legitimately can not remember if i took my sleep medication or not oops

im j rambling atp but the other thing ab emetophobia is that it is so much more than “just a phobia”. i’m not “a little bit scared of throwing up.” it sends me into a full out panic. i would rather die the most painful, excruciating, non-throwing up death there is. i’d do just about anything if it was a guaranteed that i’d never throw up again. ive lost interest in the things i used to love because i’m scared of contracting an illness and i know that i’m sitting around wasting See More the best years of my life but i can’t help it, im too miserable to do anything. some days i get panic attacks so bad i miss class. sleep isn’t even a relief for me anymore. i wake up in the middle of the night hyperventilating. it’s developed into an eating disorder, i don’t eat until i feel like im going to pass out and even then i only eat a little tiny bit of food. also my entire diet is based around what will hurt least and not taste as bad if i throw up so in turn i’m constantly exhausted bc i’m malnourished.
idk what to do anymore i’ve tried countless treatments and nothing works i think i’m just gonna have to live out the rest of my life in misery

i think emetophobia needs to be classified as its own mental illness rather than a phobia/manifestation of OCD because it has quite literally affected me more than borderline personality disorder and nobody understands except other emetophobics, it’s completely taken over my life

ive felt like a crywank song for weeks now but i think i’m on the rise again. i hope so god

hey sorry i told u i hope ur iud fails and u get pregnant w an accutane baby i was in a bad mood

in 2022 i told a girl that she was acting childish and she called me ableist and said i hate autistic people i think ab this a lot

fuckking Hate mexican independence day in chicago the holiday is great n all congrats on ur independence that’s awesome but they need to have an organized celebration instead of everyone just driving around and setting off fireworks in the road all night it’s so loud here rn and it’s almost midnight

sign hanging in the dorm elevator telling students not to press the buttons with their penises what is going on at my college

i love how i look in space buns but there are so many bobby pins in my head rn

learning about mccarthyism in my history class and making eye contact with my friend across the room (we are both commies)

the tiktokification of mushrooms and frogs is like my 9/11

i need another tattoo

i feel pretty today

nine eleven