McDermottsAngel - Page 45

Today was okay, again. ?

I just realised that I'm a week clean today, which is good. I still have five weeks to go before I get to six weeks, though.

Guys, remember how two weeks ago I had to mime a scene in Drama that had the exact same storyline as the Popular Song music video?

Well, today we had to mime another scene, and before the teacher told us what it was, I was thinking to myself that it would be kind of funny if we did another one that was like the Boum Boum Boum music video. Then the teacher told everyone what the scene was, and it had the exact same storyline as Boum Boum Boum. That was kind of weird, because I See More was thinking about it when the teacher said it.

I feel like my Drama teacher just uses Mika's music videos as ideas for scenes or something. ?

Today was okay. ?

Today was absolutely awful.

In PE, when I was getting changed after the lesson, Lollipop Girl started asking me why I thought she was a fake Mika fan again. I said, "You only know Lollipop, and you think This Is Halloween is a Mika song." Then Lollipop Girl said, "But it is a Mika song! It's my favourite song by him!" and I said that it wasn't. Then TheDoctorsQueen got involved, and she and Lollipop Girl started yelling at me for saying that This Is Halloween wasn't a Mika song. See More Other people in the changing room started shouting at me as well, and soon everyone was yelling at me and telling me to 'grow up and share Mika'. Then I had a really bad panic attack because everyone was shouting horrible things at me, and I couldn't stop crying and shaking. I couldn't feel my hands or feet either. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl sat down with me and told me to breathe in and out, but I couldn't when everyone was still insulting me. So she took me into another room in the changing rooms, and she kept telling me to keep breathing and that it would be okay. I felt really weak and pathetic, because I was just stood there hyperventilating, making strange noises and crying while SkyDoesMinecraft Girl had to help me. I also felt guilty, because I felt like I was being a burden, but I knew that I needed someone to help me. I could hear TheDoctorsQueen's popular friends on the other side of the door asking if I was having a panic attack, and that just made it worse. Then I started to calm down, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl told me to dry my eyes. Then she went and got my bag and school clothes from the changing room, and she told me that she would wait for me to get changed. After I got changed, we went to have lunch.

At lunch, I didn't eat very much of my lunch because I was too exhausted from the panic attack to even eat. I was trying to eat some of it, and then HeyHoHereWeGo came up to me, and he said that he didn't believe that I was upset about what happened in PE. Then he started singing Lollipop, and he walked away. That made me angry, and a while after that, Lollipop Girl came over to my table and said that she was sorry for making me cry. I said that I didn't accept her apology, because she was still a fake fan of Mika.

At the end of the day, when I was walking out of school, I saw Lollipop Girl again. She apologised to me again, but then she said, "But I don't know why you can't accept that I'm a bigger fan of Mika than you." Then I got really angry and upset, and I just walked away from her.

So, today was just horrible. :/

❤ is a ? and you are my ?,
❤ is addiction and you are my ?.
❤ is a ?, like ?, like ?,
I'm feeling sick, I've got to ? myself.

I would show Mika my world, but I know he has a mirror. ??

People on the internet are always asking what people's favourite album released on 13th November is, because so many albums were released on that day.

They expect you to say Made In The AM by One Direction or Purpose by Justin Bieber, but I'm just here like, "The No Place in Heaven repack."

Part 2 of today's post:

Then I remembered that I had ICT with Lollipop Girl next, and she would probably have to google pictures of Mika for her music festival poster. I couldn't cope with any more people mentioning him at school, and I didn't want to go into the lesson. So SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I went to see the pastoral mentor and tell them about what happened at lunch, and she asked us if we could go into the next lesson. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl said that I didn't think See More I could, and the pastoral mentor said that we could stay in the isolation room for the whole of the lesson. She said that she would send a message to our teachers to mark us in, and she told us to write about what happened to us on paper. We went into the isolation room, and it was actually really quiet. I thought it would have been noisy, because it's where disruptive kids go to calm down, but all the bad people were just doing their homework and not really talking. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I wrote three pages about what happened to us at lunch and other things that happen to us, and I wrote about people bullying me because I don't talk, people finding my social media, TheDoctorsQueen and the others acting like fake friends, people making fun of me because I like Mika, etc. Then we wrote down all the names of the people who are bullies, fake fans and fake friends, and we gave it to the teacher. Then it was the end of the lesson, so we went to our next lesson.

Today was horrible, but Echosmith Hater Girl didn't mention Mika to me, which is good.

Part 1 of today's post:

Today was absolutely awful.

At lunch, SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I were sat on our own at our table, and then TheDoctorsQueen, Lollipop Girl, Badge Girl, HeyHoHereWeGo and this other boy that TheDoctorsQueen is friends with came over and sat down with us. We got annoyed, because the only reason we sit on a different table to them is so that we don't have to be near them. They all started talking to each other, and SkyDoesMinecraft Girl asked TheDoctorsQueen See More why she came and sat on our table if she was just going to talk to the people she was sat with before. TheDoctorsQueen said that she didn't talk to us because we only talk about Mika and SkyDoesMinecraft, which isn't true, and then SkyDoesMinecraft Girl and I got angry because she had mentioned our idols in front of the other people on the table. Everyone on the table started yelling at us, so we moved to another table. Then after a while, Lollipop Girl came and sat down with us. She asked us why we don't like people mentioning our idols at school, and we said that it was because they mean a lot to us, and we don't want people to make fun of them or us. Then Lollipop Girl said that she was a fan of Mika, and that people didn't make fun of her. I said that was because she wasn't a fan, and she just listened to Lollipop. Then she kept saying that she was a 'real fan', and she wouldn't listen to me when I said that she wasn't. She asked why I thought she was a fake fan, and I said that there was a difference between being a fan of a singer and being a fan of a song, and that she was just a fan of one song, not the person who sings it. She kept arguing with us, and then everyone else came over to our table to see what was going on. We explained what the argument was about to them, and the other people said that we were being mean to Lollipop Girl, and that people can talk about Mika if they want to. Then this boy, who had come and sat on our table for some reason, said, "Mika? Isn't that the guy who sings We Are Golden?" I got really scared, and I almost started crying because I was so fed up with people mentioning him. So I got up and walked away. SkyDoesMinecraft Girl followed me, and we walked away. Lollipop Girl came after us, and she kept asking why I didn't want her calling herself a Mika fan. I said that Mika means more to me than anything, and it just upsets me when people act like they love him when they really don't. She said that was stupid, and then she walked away.

I'm so scared to go to school today, because Echosmith Hater Girl has probably told everyone that I like Mika and they'll all make fun of me. And she's probably told her brother, who is one of the people who bullies me the most.

I don't want to go to school. :/

I just found out that Mika will be doing a two hour long radio show on BBC Radio 2 called Mika: The Art of Song. It's going to be on New Year's Day, and he's going to do covers of his favourite songs by artists he likes. He's actually going to do covers of Adele songs as well, which sounds good.

I'm really excited for it, because he's been so busy with France and Italy that he hasn't done anything like this in England for a while. I hope that I can listen to it, because it starts See More at 12pm and ends at 2pm. I probably will be able to, but I hope I don't have to go anywhere on New Year's Day so that I can listen to it all. If I do have to go somewhere, then I'll be able to hear parts of it when I'm in the car. ?

I wanted to write a rant about people at school, but I'm too tired now and I don't have the motivation. :/

I feel like I want to self harm, but one of my favourite artists in the Mika fandom said that she would draw me if I'm clean for six weeks. And I feel like if I did self harm, I would just be doing what TheDoctorsQueen, HeyHoHereWeGo and Echosmith Hater Girl want me to do. So I'm going to try not to do it.

Today was mostly okay, but my day was ruined by something that happened in PSHE.

TheDoctorsQueen and HeyHoHereWeGo were talking to Echosmith Hater Girl about favourite celebrities, and TheDoctorsQueen mentioned that I had a favourite celebrity. Then Echosmith Hater Girl asked who it was, and TheDoctorsQueen said that she couldn't tell her because I would get angry. I suddenly got really scared, because I didn't want them to know that I like Mika. I turned around to look at them, See More and they were all staring at me. Then HeyHoHereWeGo told Echosmith Hater Girl that I liked Mika, and he told her that he was the one who sang Lollipop. Then Echosmith Hater Girl said, "Oh my gosh, she likes him?" and she started laughing at me. I felt awful. He knew that I didn't want people to know that I liked him, and he purposely told her to make me feel bad. They all started talking about me, and she asked TheDoctorsQueen and HeyHoHereWeGo if I just listened to Lollipop and nothing else. She said that I listened to all of his songs, and Echosmith Hater Girl asked if I listened to any other singers or bands. TheDoctorsQueen said that I didn't, and that I only liked Mika, which isn't true. I listen to a lot of other singers, and I like a few bands too. It's just that Mika is the one that I listen to the most, and the only one that I idolise and love. Then Echosmith Hater Girl started making fun of me, and she started sarcastically talking about how 'great' she thought Mika was. Then she tried to ask me about him, but I tried to ignore her, and eventually she stopped and went back to talking about me. Then HeyHoHereWeGo typed some of the lyrics to Lollipop on his computer, and they all started singing it. I felt like I was going to have a panic attack, and I actually started crying. Diamond Girl, who was sat next to me, actually saw that I was upset. She told them to leave me alone, but they wouldn't. So she told me to ignore them, and we had a conversation about Mika. It helped, but I was still really upset and angry that TheDoctorsQueen had told one of the people who makes fun of Mika the most that I liked him.

After the lesson, I walked to the four storey building for my next lesson with Diamond Girl and her best friend. She was talking to her best friend about the fact that I liked Mika, and I told her not to tell her because nobody was supposed to know and I was sick of everyone finding out. But then she told me that she wasn't the one who had told her about him, and that HeyHoHereWeGo had told her. That just made me even more angry.

Today was awful, and it made me realise how horrible and judgemental people at school actually are. :/

Today was okay, apart from one thing.

In Music, I was trying to learn how to play chords on the keyboard, and I had to sit next to these two boys. When I put my headphones on to start practising the chords, they tried to press all of the keys at once. The volume was really loud, so I jumped and they started laughing at me. I tried to ignore them and start playing the keyboard, but they kept pressing the keys and yelling at me, trying to get me to react. But I couldn't react, See More so they kept doing it even more. I kept trying to do my work, but it was practically impossible because I couldn't even hear what I was doing because of what they were doing. Then they got one of the foam circle things that had fallen off a pair of headphones, and they threw it at me. I started to get really upset, and I almost had a panic attack. I kept breathing in and out and trying to ignore them, and eventually it was time to go back to our seats. I was still feeling kind of bad, though.

The thing with my French booklet went okay, though. At least that was good.

Guys, I just remembered that I photocopied my whole French booklet when my teacher lost my book, and I still had the photocopy of it in the house! I asked my mum where it was, and she found it in a folder under the table in the living room.

So I can do my homework now, and I won't get yelled at. I'm really relieved, and I'm so glad that I got the booklet photocopied even though I didn't need to at the time. ?

I ruined my record of being nearly three weeks clean. . .I'm sorry. :/

Oh my gosh.

I have a few pages in my French booklet that need to be done by tomorrow, and I just realised that I left my French book at school with my booklet inside it. This means that I can't do it, and I'll probably get a detention tomorrow. It's my fault for leaving my book at school, anyway.

I'm really worried because the teacher will probably yell at me, and everyone will make fun of me because I always do my homework and they'll find it funny if I don't. I'm actually See More crying because I'm so scared. :/

Something good actually happened today, guys!

When I walked out of my Spanish classroom at the end of the day, the French teacher called me over to talk to her. She asked me if I had considered becoming a Literacy Leader, and I said that I had, but I didn't really know if I wanted to do the job. Then she said that I had to do it, because my work was 'amazing', and she asked me why I wasn't sure about being a Literacy Leader. I said that I didn't like working in pairs, because See More the other person would probably take over and I wouldn't get to write what I wanted. But then the teacher said that I could work on my own if I wanted, and I said that would be better.

I think I might be able to become a Literacy Leader now. ?