Catching Roses

Jessica Holister is probably one of the smartest in the world- nicknamed by the media "Sherlock Holmes", with her identity remaining a secret. And her past, what she thought became gone, was back.

published on April 21, 2017not completed

Chapter 4- Jessica Holister's POV

  Suspects so far: an abusive person who is high in buisnuess, while the other one disapeared without a trace.  
  Coffee stain was on the table- 3 weeks old and was never cleaned up.  Why would nobody see her in 3 weeks?  Travel papers- must mean she'd be out.
    "I need her calender.  And her travel route."  I muttered.
  "I'm sorry?" Joanna questioned.
    "Calender and travel route.  Her calender was in the dining room and I never saw it."  I confirmed, scrolling through my phone.  I had taken several pictures while we had been there, in case the flash had caught something I hadn't.
   Apartment was around the corner, 1.4 miles away from the crime scene.  Surrounded with crime.  Drug dealer across the street.  Nice man, becides the fact he lives with a pedophile.  I'll point it out later.  The pedophile is also abusive towards me- quite annoying.  Next time I'll shoot him.
  I entered my apartment to see Ms. Smith annoyed at me.  She strolled up to me, her aging face glaring knives at me.  Her scarf was a colorful red, matching her dress.  
  "Jessica Holister!  What have I told you about shooting at the wall!" She shouted at me.
  I blinked, confused.  "Whats wrong with shooting at the wall?" I asked, conpletely confused.
  Joanna gave me an odd look, and Ms. Smith was infiriated.  "Because it's against the law!" Ms. Smith screamed at me.
  "Not if its part of my job.." I muttered, trying to get past her. Sadly, she has the advantage being smaller and blocked me.
  "It's against the law either way.." Joanna piped in.
"Shush, you."  I snapped at her.   Joanna gave me a blank stare of confusion, and I finally was able to walk into my apartment.
  Most would call the place a mess- books and papers were scattered everywhere, the wallpaper tearing.  There were even more on the table.  In all reality, it was organized.  By crime, date, and importance.   The only one untouched was in a few boxes in my room.
    "Jesus, this place is a-"
  "Don't." I interupted, laying down on the couch.  She looked around, sighing.  She eyed the fridge and then sat down.
    "Food is in the fridge." I noted, getting my phone out
   "Thanks." She smiled, standing and going into the kitchen carefully, as if avoiding a landmine from all the papers.
   Picture of little relivence, little need...
    Son of a bitch.
  "WAIT THERES SOMETHING IN THE FRIDG-" I realized, throwing my phone down and running into the kitchen, forgetting I had left a corpse's limbs in the fridge.
  "Sorry.." I muttered to the stunned solder, directing her to the chair.
  This is gonna be really conplicated, hard, and negative for both of us.
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Comments (28)

The story is really good. Usually, I don't like casual writing styles, but that type of writing style really helps with this story. My only problem is that I feel like the story jumps around too fast. When you write the next chapter, try to slow down and explain everything. Otherwise, this is a really good story, and I can't wait to read the rest!!
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Allright! I'll keep that in mind!
Thanks!
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No prob ^-^
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on May 11, 2017
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on May 11, 2017
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on May 11, 2017
I like your story @Forever_Great_Bohemian_Rhaspody :)
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on May 08, 2017
I do like this story and see potential in it as a Qfeast classic.
My only concern with this story is the amount of space between sentences. I understand if this is your normal style, but...
I feel like nothing is organised into paragraphs that flow one after the other.
I like stories where the time flows on, and it's shown in the paragraph spacing. Books like See More
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Allright, thank you for the imput! It really helps.
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on May 05, 2017
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on May 05, 2017
Okay, your writing style is awesome and it's very fun tot read, my only criticism would be that there's a lot of speaking and not a lot of saying what is actually going on and describing it. The only way the reader is able to keep up I see looking at all the speaking, maybe try to vary it a little more? Does this help? ^.^U
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Plenty! Thanks!
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on May 05, 2017
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on May 05, 2017
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on May 05, 2017
Hey, can I be your official editor?
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Sure!
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Mkay, great!
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on April 21, 2017
Sounds good to me!
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on April 21, 2017
Mkay! Actually, I think it'd be easiest to make a hidden page and PM you the link - I'll post constructive critiques and chapter edits on there, if that's alright with you.
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on April 21, 2017
However you do it best!
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on April 21, 2017
Really? That's awesome! I'm really flattered. ^_^ Would you like me to send edits in PM or just leave constructive critiques or?
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on April 21, 2017
I was actually gonna ask if you'd do that--
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on April 21, 2017
Yay!! Thanks ^_^
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017
Okay, so something that I actually didn't think about that you did fantabulously was that Sherlock is this crazy observant character that could tell her so many random details it's ridiculous. My only critique is that her panic attack probably wouldn't be calmed down immediately (also, hugging a person having a panic attack without their permission isn't a really See More
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Also, it would be cool to change the last sentence to "We shook hands and walked to my therapy session." It changes all of the action to something that they're doing together; Jessica isn't dragging Joanna into her life, but Joanna is walking into her life. If that makes sense? It's not a big deal, just a tiny literary thing. XD Seriously though, I frikkin love See More
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on April 21, 2017
Jessica described in detail another person - what they were wearing, where they were going, what they were thinking - seemingly unimportant details that would help ground Joanna in the present. And then Joanna was almost completely calm, so maybe Jessica just glanced at one more new passerby and described them to help Joanna (and also to establish to the readers See More
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on April 21, 2017
I love it!!
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on April 21, 2017
Also, I'm writing more now!
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on April 21, 2017
Of course!
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on April 21, 2017
Allright! The details are fixed. Mind re-reading to make sure I got that right?
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on April 21, 2017
Basically! Legit though, I really love this so far and I can't wait until you write more.
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on April 21, 2017
Allright! Basically more detail and more accurate information?
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017
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on April 21, 2017