Automated Survival guide

WARNING: Five days until vortex.

So, it’s the end of the world as you know it. CONGRATULATIONS!!! YOU’RE NOT DEAD!! yet… so, I’m your automated guide to survival, and it’s up to you weather or not you survive… Get it? I made a pun! are you proud of me ma? … what’s that? I’m not helpful at all? Oh contraire! I’ll be the one to save your life!!

        So, I’ll have to tell you yada yada this, yada yada that, and I- Oh, I should probably give you the rules.
First: You need to get a shelter. Preferably warm, and stalked with food. You’ll need enough to last years… What’s that? You don’t have that much? Well run to the store and buy some! AND BRING A STICK!!!!