Who lives and who dies?
Tear pulled away from the two toms "Ruststar...your supposed to stop this soft hearted excuse of a warrior he isn't good enough! He's a terrible excuse for a warrior!"He said as sky glared at him but deep inside his heart was shattering by the leader he looked up to in life..."a true leader doesn't hurt his own warriors..." he said giving Sky a signal to back away from tear "let's just go...those kits aren't going to be young forever." He walked with Ruststar "we'll be back for you sky." Ruststar reassured him as they reached the falls they all got to two different sides "last time Ruststar! Hand over the kits before we tear you to shreds." Tear warned Ruststar "No! I would rather die before you take them!" Ruststar replied prepared to fight. "BLOODCLAN! ATTACK!" He ordered letting all of his warriors know as they yowled racing towards the forestclan cats as they charged back as Ruststar and Tear leaped into the air towards one another scrambling on the ground in a large fight "You'll never take darks kits! Nevertheless the lives of my warriors!" Tear reacted cheering himself and his warriors on "is that so? Well let's just see about that!" Ruststar tackled Tear as Tear got his chance and stood over Ruststar and scratched his stomach disabling one of his organs making him loose his eighth life as Ruststar yowled in pain and pushed tear off him tumbling over his head by kicking him in the stomach sending him flying over Ruststars head as Ruststar takes the advantage to scratch his left eye blinding him temporarily "you win this time Ruststar! But next time I will be back stronger! Faster! And better!" He sent out a yowl to signal retreat as all the bloodclan cats went running
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Also: I think you have something called a 'snake in your sentences'. Most of your sentences are very long, without a lot of puncuation! Try to break them down into smaller parts for a more dramatic effect See More on your reader.
I touched on this in the others: The main problem is your punctuation. I don't really understand what is going on? You lost me at 'BloodClan', sorry!
Otherwise, good job :)
???/5 stars!
Holy s*it you missed a comma! Call the ambulance I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown! And you missed a capital letter I have to dial 9-9-9. Help meeeee!