Accepted, or Not?
Amer looked to Malaria, then to Anadromea. His eyes closed and he thought. "Yes she is another Parasite, but what if she isn't who she is?" The brute thought. "I say yes, but if she doesn't stay loyal, I'll have to fight her."Anadromea tilted her head to the right then stood on her tippy toes. "What is it?" Said Amer, turning around. Another girl, looking rather professional and at the same time young, walked forward, no tail, only wolf ears. She looked to be at LEAST 8 or 9 years old. "Hi!" Said the girl in a cheery voice. "I was wondering if I could join your little group?" Mal gave a face of anger and confusion. "WHY DO PEOPLE KEEP POPPING OUT OF NOWHERE!?" She screamed. Everyone looked to the cat, as if they knew, then looked away.
"Um, I have no idea.. Anyway, could I? I could help!"
Amer growled. "FINE!" He hissed. "Lets just get some sleep."
Amer had trouble sleeping. He dreamed of his parents, his brother, his family. He opened his eyes in a twisted realm. The only thing he could hear was a distorted tune of disharmony and screams. He broke into a run and saw things he shouldn't see.
(Authors note: Thanks to @Ravenclaw3243 Joining as the new girl!)
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In paragraph one it says"The whole room was silent." I suggest that you be more See More descriptive and replace the sentence with "The whole room was filled with eerie silence that grow more terrifying by as each second passed in absolute silence."
Lastly, in paragraph 5 it says"His parents stood in fear. Then explained to him. The more they explained. The more angry he grew..."
I suggest that you replace it with" his parents stood in agonizing terror as they admitted the secret they had longed to keep from him; he is a parasite. The more they explained the angrier he felt. The rage pumping through his veins like toxic venom."
I hope you liked my suggestions, and that you continue to write!
...Chapter Schedule...
( Will depend on School work and my life)
Mondays - None
Tuesdays - Most likely See More
Wednesdays - Yes
Thursdays - None
Fridays - Yes
Weekends - Yes