High School Life

Rather Feel Pain Than Nothing

The ball flew through the air with incredible speed nailing Zero right in the cheek. At first, I ran out into the field, but then, I just stood there as Zero held his hand on the injured cheek.

"Oops. My bad. I guess it slipped." Dakota smiling evilly.
"Oh, I am sure it just slipped." Zero rubbing his cheek.
"Are you ok?" David ran up to Zero.
"Yes. I am fine. Let's get back to work." Zero staring coldly at Dakota.

Shaking his head, David ran back to his regular throwing position and continued to throw the ball. Why would Dakota do that? I mean he never miss throws anything. Then, it clicked. Could Dakota have done that because of what Zero told me?

The coach didn't say anything about the incident, but he only continued with the normal focus of practice. Since their first game was only a few days away, he was stressing. Our baseball team has normally been really good. We even went to state, but if we don't work as a team, we will surly not go back to state.

After practice, I waited for David to get changed in the locker room, but instead of David coming out, Dakota came out. Dakota did not even glance at me; however, I pulled him to the side and needed to talk to him.

"Dakota, I know that baseball wasn't an accident." I scolded him.
"Oh, now you going to try to be my mom?" Dakota in a cold expression.
"No. I just want to know what is irritating you." I expressed my concern.
"Oh, really now? You know want to know why I am acting like this? Several reasons really, yet you shouldn't care." Dakota not looking at me.
"I do care though. You are.." (Me)
"Don't you dare say my friend! You don't know anything! You don't care about someone like me! Especially, since you care about Zero more than anything! Haven, if you knew the truth about him, you would despise him!" Dakota walking away.
"Wait! Dakota, don't go!" I screamed.
"Don't bother!" (Dakota)

What did he mean by that? Dakota, why won't you let me help you? I felt my heart sink down to a dark place. Why did I care so much for him? I mean we text a lot and talk a lot and I knew he cared about him, but could me losing him mean I really want him? My mind was so confused.

Suddenly, I felt strong arms wrap around me. A scent of sweat covered my nose as I saw brown hair beside my brown eyes. Pushing away, Zero smiled at me with his sly grin. He looked as if he just won something. Did he hear everything between Dakota and me?

"Looking out for me?" Zero grinned.
"What did he mean, Zero?" I stared at him angry. A part of me just wanted to cry, but I wouldn't let myself.
"What ever are you talking about?" Zero smiling.
"I know you were ease dropping! Now, tell me!" I yelled.
"He was just trying to make you worry about me. He doesn't like losing." Zero shrugging his shoulders. Losing? I felt my heart break. I knew what this was.
"IS THIS SOME GAME TO YOU? Messing with my heart? Making me think you care! Dakota was right. I thought you changed. You are just a cold jerk." I yelled walking away until Zero wrapped his hand around my small wrist.
"Haven, you are over reacting. It is nothing like that." Zero trying to calm me down. No. You are lying.
"Let go of me!" I yelled pulling away. "You are a heartless jerk! I don't want anything to do with you!"

After saying that, I didn't turn around. I just ran and ran and ran. My heart was broke into tiny little pieces. I trusted a guy who only thought this was a game. My love was only a game to him. As I ran down the road, I felt tears exploding out of my brown eyes as my blonde hair fiercely blew the air.

Arriving at the house, I slammed open the door and hurried to my room. With all my pain, I didn't want anyone in, so I locked the door. Jumping on my single bed, I curled up in a ball and cried. How could I have been so stupid? Glaring at my phone, I wanted to text Kim and tell her about everything, but when I flipped it open, I couldn't make my fingers text her.

Knocking on the door, David tried to get me to unlock the door, but I couldn't move. My shaking body was glued to the bed unable to move. Then, I heard it. My brother's loud protective voice yelling at someone. I heard him cussing the person out. However, His protective ways didn't help me.

Opening the brown dresser by my bed, I found it. The single silver razor blade laying by itself. Picking it up, I felt the cold metal greeting my fingertips. It has been a long time. But, I have realized how much of a idiot I am. I am only a toy to be used until I am washed up and done.

Pulling my skirt up, I gazed at my pale thigh. Light scars still appeared showing me my past tortured self. Placing the cold metal against my skin, I slowly slide the blade. Old stinging pain grew from the new cut. Pressing it hard, I slide it against the cut once more. Blood oozed out from the cut running down my inner thigh. I missed this.

Before I could do another one, my phone started buzzing. Placing the blade aside, I watched as the blood oozed down on my sheets as I grabbed the phone. A call? Who would want to talk to me? Answering the phone, his voice made my heart skip a beat. Why is he calling me? Not now.

"Are you ok? Haven, what happened?" Dakota yelled through the phone. Tears continued running down my face just like the blood ran down my thigh. "Haven, answer me!"
"Why does it bother?" I said in my crying voice.
"Haven, I over heard Zero's and David's conversation on the phone. Please talk to me." Dakota sounded worried. Did he really care?
"Dakota.. You were right.. Zero never cared.. I was only a toy for him to use!" I said crying my brown eyes out. Silence covered over the phone. Then, I heard it.
"You damn jerk! How could you!? Haven cared about you!" Dakota yelled.
"Just go away. I don't have time for this." Zero coldly. I knew it. Jerk.
"Fine! Haven, I will be there in a few minutes. Zero, where does she live!?" Dakota yelled before hanging up the phone.

Be here? Why? Am I missing something here? Looking at my outfit, I decided to change into something comfortable. I changed into a white tee shirt and a black pair of tight yoga pants. Looking at my sheets, I pulled them off the bed and flipped them around. Maybe no one will see till I can clean it. Then, I grabbed the blade and threw it back in the dresser.

After that, I continued to lay on my bed and cry. Like for real I thought my eyes were going to fall out of my head. Then, I heard him.

"Where is she?!" Dakota yelling.
"In her room. She won't unlock the door, so good luck." David in an upset tone. Was he crying, too? I'm sorry..
"Haven, please open up.." Dakota begged. I couldn't answer, so I stayed silent laying against the door. "Haven.. I know you are hurt, but you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy. Someone who does not complicate your life. Someone who does not hurt you. Please. Let me in. I have seen you around school. Your friends aren't around you, and your brother is trying to enjoy his high school experience. You feel lonely. Haven, I am here to help. Please, don't push me away. Let me in. I want to help you. I care about you." Dakota begging in a upset tone.