How Did This Happen?

Drink?

I woke up on the couch, my clothes from yesterday still on.  I groaned as I got up to turn my alarm clock in my bedroom off.  Once I did, I checked my phone.  1 missed call from Mom, 6 missed texts and 3 missed calls from Emily, and 13 missed texts and 9 missed calls from Jake.  I called my mom to tell her I was okay, and everything was fine, then I texted Emily to tell her to chill out.  I didn't call or text Jake back.  

I was so done with him.  His lies.  His secrets.  His blue eyes.  His blonde hair.  His smile.  His kiss.  His everything.  

I hated him.  I hated him so much for what he did to me.  Telling me he loved me then hooking up with some random college girl.  I didn't hate the girl.  Unless she knew he was in a relationship and didn't care.  I hated Jake and all of his BS.  

God, what if I didn't go to the party?  Would he have told me?  We had talked about getting married for crying out loud.  

Was it too early for a drink?  

I feeling of guilt washed over me.  I wasn't supposed to be drinking, I was only nineteen.  But after my brother, Avery, died, my entire family fell into peices.

My dad started smoking.  My mom didn't speak to anyone.  My older sister, Autumn, did drugs.  And I started drinking.  

Then, about a year and a half ago, my family started getting better.  My dad threw out the cigarettes, my mom started talking, my sister didn't do drugs.  But me?  I still drank from time to time.  Jake finally talked some since into me, and I drank less and less until, eventually, I only drank at parties.  And even then, I never drank too much.  

Yes, I needed a drink.  But it was going to be coffee, not vodka.