Invisible

Fast Forward

The months flew by as if they were in fast forward.  

I moved back in with my mom a week after the incident, who had surprisingly straightened out, and found a very nice man named Phil.  She told me that once I left, she really missed me and decided to make something out of herself.  And get this- she actually cooked the night I came home!  It wasn't very good, but I knew it was the thought that counts.

Teresa visits every so often, making sure mom was holding up okay, and that I was still sure I didn't want to move back in.  Teresa always said I was welcome to visit her and Maria anytime.  I was happy that she was keeping Maria, I don't think mom was quite strong enough to handle another one just yet.  Teresa's getting married really soon, I can't wait for her to finally be happy.  And mom is almost positive Phil will pop the question any day now.

I guess I'm holding up okay.  Sometimes, I wake up crying and I'm not sure why.  I guess it's partially from the heartbreak and partially from the nightmares of what almost happened that night.  At least school isn't as bad as it was.  Word got around about what Lucas did, and what almost happened to me, so everyone gave me my space.  Even the teacher's didn't call on me or get mad when I didn't turn in my homework.  The only problem is the stares everyone gives me.  They all look at me like I'm some sort of lost puppy.  They think I'm pitiful and helpless.  I'm not.  I'm not nearly as bad as I was right after that night.  I used to not be able to blink without seeing John's soulless eyes... or Him.  

My mom thought it would be a good idea to switch schools for senior year.  I think it's a great idea.  Nobody will know my past.  Nobody will judge me.  And best of all, there will be no reminders of Him.

As for Him... Lucas.  

I heard he's in rehab right now, and will be out late June.  He'll have to do some community service, but no Juvie, even though my mom and sister begged the police to send him.  Not that I care...

Who am I kidding.  I do care.  I care so much.  Lucas hurt me, I'll never ever forget that.  I hate him so much, sometimes I wonder what I ever saw in him.

But then I remember that day he helped me up while everyone else laughed.  The way we kissed for the first time, and all the times after that, when it seemed as though we were the only two people in the world.  The way he smiled, and understood me.  That gummy bear fight we had in his room.... It had seemed so real.  Could it really all have been one big lie?  Part of me knew it was.  But a bigger part wanted to believe there was at least one moment that was real.  My mind keeps flickering back to that night when John asked if Lucas had fallen for me.   He had said he did, that he loved me.  Or, at least I think he did.  Whatever Lucas had sneaked into my punch had a pretty bad effect on my memory.  All I remember was bits and pieces of the story, John tormenting me, and then Lucas smashing a chair over John's head.  

All I know is that Lucas had saved my life.  But I don't know if that was enough to forgive what he did.