Please answer the question- I'm so bored and have no ideas- My right side of my brain is s p a z z i n g-
AceyPuppy
i have duo :3
on April 29
RayneCloud
Damn
on April 29
TinyGoat
Nope qwq
on April 29
RayneCloud
@TinyGoat Do you have Duolingo- I can friend youu
on April 29
TinyGoat
QWQ
on April 29
on April 29
RayneCloud asked a question
What wallpaper should I make todayyy? I want to make one because I HAVE MOTIVATION AAYY...
on April 29
HEY F*CKERS! I MADE IT THROUGH THE WEEKENDDD I'M ALIVEE AHAHAHAHAHAHAH
on April 29
@MrewHaHa I can't use the private message feature- sorry-
on April 26
RayneCloud uploaded a photo
The other version of the Sam Gladiator and Coolment wallpaper for @TinyGoat Love you Toby<3<3
3
on April 26
RayneCloud uploaded a photo
For @TinyGoat <3 Love you Pookiieeeeee (Coolment & Sam Gladiator from YHS)
6
on April 26
RayneCloud asked a question
Anything you want have created? If anyone has any requests for wallpapers I should make...
on April 26
?[What’s Happening?.]?
Hey so. There are way more important matters at hand. Mom flipped out last night and was screaming at me in my face. She told me that I was awful and I am not a good person and that she was sick of me. She threatened to send me off to Chris. She threatened to send me off to papa. I need somewhere to go because it’s not gonna get better. I feel unsafe there. It’s no longer a home to me. I have packed a bunch of clothes. I’m gonna finish packing later. I need See More somewhere to go and I’m not sure papa is actually a good option. Because he’s a drunk and he’s always extraordinarily high and shit and I don’t think that’s suitable. I haven’t been really talking about what’s been happening at home. So there you go. They said they’ll only send me off with what I can carry in my back and that’s it. I’m scared to go home now. It’s unsafe and terrifying to be there. I’m worried to do something wrong and upset them further. I know I will at some point. My poems have not told just sadness. They describe fear. Pure. fear. So, sorry if I’m talking to people because I just want someone that doesn’t know anything personal about me. Sorry if i don’t have friends and I feel I need to keep talking to random people so I can keep that bubbly personality. I’m sick of my goddamn life. End me. Someone, ANYONE. END ME.
Hey so. There are way more important matters at hand. Mom flipped out last night and was screaming at me in my face. She told me that I was awful and I am not a good person and that she was sick of me. She threatened to send me off to Chris. She threatened to send me off to papa. I need somewhere to go because it’s not gonna get better. I feel unsafe there. It’s no longer a home to me. I have packed a bunch of clothes. I’m gonna finish packing later. I need See More somewhere to go and I’m not sure papa is actually a good option. Because he’s a drunk and he’s always extraordinarily high and shit and I don’t think that’s suitable. I haven’t been really talking about what’s been happening at home. So there you go. They said they’ll only send me off with what I can carry in my back and that’s it. I’m scared to go home now. It’s unsafe and terrifying to be there. I’m worried to do something wrong and upset them further. I know I will at some point. My poems have not told just sadness. They describe fear. Pure. fear. So, sorry if I’m talking to people because I just want someone that doesn’t know anything personal about me. Sorry if i don’t have friends and I feel I need to keep talking to random people so I can keep that bubbly personality. I’m sick of my goddamn life. End me. Someone, ANYONE. END ME.
on April 26
[[A Monsters Dreams]]
Here I am, once again in a forgotten dream.
My imagery that I rarely ever have in a dream, is bursting at the seams.
I remember being in that dream over and over,
Trapped in the endless loop of the same dream, just waiting for it to finally be over.
I see the girl scout troop I was in for all those years,
We were all playing outside the highschool, different from our 6th grade class. Smiling as if we had nothing to fear. See More
I see my mother’s bewildered face and wide, dilated pupiled eyes, filled with terror as she grabbed my arm and simply said “We need to go.” And quickly walking to the car, uncaringly slamming the car door as she started the car and we drove away. She was speeding a bit, that was new.
She works at a prison, yet I saw the speed go up and the car, if we hit something, surely would have flew.
I noticed the panic and horror in her face, I asked “What’s wrong?” Confusion filling my gaze.
“Your niece that’s living with us was attacked by Hooch.” She said, trembling.
Hooch was our pitbull, a playful, kind soul. He was just a pup.
And yet his life was also given up.
When we arrived I saw the ambulance and mom looked back at me and said, “Stay here. Don’t get out of the car.”
She got out of the car, closing the door hurriedly and ran to the side of the house.
I watched. As soon as she got to the open ambulance doors, she covered her mouth in horror and started bawling her eyes out.
I saw blood all over the front porch’s sidewalk. I watched as my step-dad came out the house, his shirt drenched in blood,
It looked as if he went rolling in the mud.
I saw all of this and then looked at the van with Hooch inside, blood covered his face and body.
The few months after, I finally was told what had happened, I had only thought the blood was from Hooch, thinking he was just a stupid doggie.
“Colton was playing with pots and pans and your aunt- his mother- Billy, got a call and had to go in a different room so she could hear the person over the phone. Colton saw the glass door and the front door left open, so he went outside. Hooch followed out with him. Hooch tried to play with 2 year old Colton, Hooch was way too big for playing with such a young kid. He jumped on Colton, knocking him down. He bit his face playfully. He had gotten a taste of blood. And he wanted more. He tore Colton’s face off, as well as his ears, his ears hung onto a thread of skin. My aunt went looking for him, when she saw Colton, she screamed louder than she ever has. My step-dad ran out, grabbing Colton and trying to get Colton to respond while trying to stop the bleeding. Then Billy called 911 in a rush. Her son had gotten mauled. She waited for the ambulance to arrive. And then they got there, soon after, you and I arrived.” My mother said to me, my age at 12.
Colton may have survived,
But I’ll never forget the memories on that day. I see frequent memories of that day in my dreams. I’m still surprised to be still alive.
- Rayne Collier (October 4th, 2023)
Here I am, once again in a forgotten dream.
My imagery that I rarely ever have in a dream, is bursting at the seams.
I remember being in that dream over and over,
Trapped in the endless loop of the same dream, just waiting for it to finally be over.
I see the girl scout troop I was in for all those years,
We were all playing outside the highschool, different from our 6th grade class. Smiling as if we had nothing to fear. See More
I see my mother’s bewildered face and wide, dilated pupiled eyes, filled with terror as she grabbed my arm and simply said “We need to go.” And quickly walking to the car, uncaringly slamming the car door as she started the car and we drove away. She was speeding a bit, that was new.
She works at a prison, yet I saw the speed go up and the car, if we hit something, surely would have flew.
I noticed the panic and horror in her face, I asked “What’s wrong?” Confusion filling my gaze.
“Your niece that’s living with us was attacked by Hooch.” She said, trembling.
Hooch was our pitbull, a playful, kind soul. He was just a pup.
And yet his life was also given up.
When we arrived I saw the ambulance and mom looked back at me and said, “Stay here. Don’t get out of the car.”
She got out of the car, closing the door hurriedly and ran to the side of the house.
I watched. As soon as she got to the open ambulance doors, she covered her mouth in horror and started bawling her eyes out.
I saw blood all over the front porch’s sidewalk. I watched as my step-dad came out the house, his shirt drenched in blood,
It looked as if he went rolling in the mud.
I saw all of this and then looked at the van with Hooch inside, blood covered his face and body.
The few months after, I finally was told what had happened, I had only thought the blood was from Hooch, thinking he was just a stupid doggie.
“Colton was playing with pots and pans and your aunt- his mother- Billy, got a call and had to go in a different room so she could hear the person over the phone. Colton saw the glass door and the front door left open, so he went outside. Hooch followed out with him. Hooch tried to play with 2 year old Colton, Hooch was way too big for playing with such a young kid. He jumped on Colton, knocking him down. He bit his face playfully. He had gotten a taste of blood. And he wanted more. He tore Colton’s face off, as well as his ears, his ears hung onto a thread of skin. My aunt went looking for him, when she saw Colton, she screamed louder than she ever has. My step-dad ran out, grabbing Colton and trying to get Colton to respond while trying to stop the bleeding. Then Billy called 911 in a rush. Her son had gotten mauled. She waited for the ambulance to arrive. And then they got there, soon after, you and I arrived.” My mother said to me, my age at 12.
Colton may have survived,
But I’ll never forget the memories on that day. I see frequent memories of that day in my dreams. I’m still surprised to be still alive.
- Rayne Collier (October 4th, 2023)
on April 26
February 26, 2023 (Same thing as the last, middle school, 8th grade, hardest point in my life.) -
I’m a f*cking dick. I lie to people I love, I’m a greedy bitch, I feel the constant need to be told “i love you,” but never does that happen, i vent to everyone, even if I had just met them, I am constantly forgetting important things about people, but don’t forget most stuff about me, I get angry for no reason at all, i hate my parents even though they’re trying, I have toxic friends, See More I forgive people way too fast, I yell too much, I hate my appearance, I get jealous too easily, I’m always left out, i never get told anything anymore, when I hang out with Jay I’m always happy, but when they look like they’re having more fun and smiling more than when their with me, I get upset, angry, jealous, i start sh!t, I feel left out, that I’m replaceable, being replaced, feel like sh!t, that i’m worthless and should roll over and die. I’m a selfish b!tch. I can’t mind my own business, I’m a mistake, I never am truly paid attention to.
I’m a f*cking dick. I lie to people I love, I’m a greedy bitch, I feel the constant need to be told “i love you,” but never does that happen, i vent to everyone, even if I had just met them, I am constantly forgetting important things about people, but don’t forget most stuff about me, I get angry for no reason at all, i hate my parents even though they’re trying, I have toxic friends, See More I forgive people way too fast, I yell too much, I hate my appearance, I get jealous too easily, I’m always left out, i never get told anything anymore, when I hang out with Jay I’m always happy, but when they look like they’re having more fun and smiling more than when their with me, I get upset, angry, jealous, i start sh!t, I feel left out, that I’m replaceable, being replaced, feel like sh!t, that i’m worthless and should roll over and die. I’m a selfish b!tch. I can’t mind my own business, I’m a mistake, I never am truly paid attention to.
on April 25
February 22, 2023 (This was in 8th grade. The hardest point in my life.) -
Man I’ve just been acting so weird recently. I can’t decide who is on my side and who’s against me, I forgive horrible people that I shouldn’t, I’m starting to lie more and more again, I feel like I’m always in my head. That I’m a fly stuck in my own web of my emotion, mental state, mental issues, and mind in general. I make people upset. I make people angry. I’m getting bullied more and more and it’s not See More helping my mental and emotional state right now. Everything is changing. I’m afraid of people changing. I hate change. I always have. I can’t recall a time where I liked change. Other than when my dad came back. But look where that got me. I trust in people too much, and when I think we’re close. BOOM. Drama. It’s always f*cking drama and I’m tried of it. I can’t stand being in my own skin. I can’t stand myself. I can’t f*cking do anything right ever. I can’t remember the last time I actually did something right. I can’t f*cking think for myself. I only care about those around me. I don’t care if I get hurt anymore. As long as I’m protecting someone. From someone like me. I need help. I’m f*ckin’ ill and my mother doesn’t even f*ckin’ aknowlage it. Neither does my dad. I smile when I’m sad. I smile when I’m upset. I smile when I want to end it all yet no one notices. No one f*ckin’ knows. How. the. F*ck. I. feel. My mother’s always like “Omg when I was your age, I went through the same thing! I know how you feel! Just stop caring about what they think! Stop being a baby!” 1. How the f*ck would you know what I’m going through? This isn’t a f*cking storybook that repeats. It’s not a script. You don’t know how I feel. You don’t know what I’m going through. Every adult goes “I know how you feel”, “I know what you’re going through.” or “Just stop caring about what people think.” I’m f*cking sick of it. 2. I CAN’T STOP CARING IF ALL I EVER THINK ABOUT IS HOW I LOOK AND HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEE ME. AND ALL THEY SAY IS “Just stop caring.” HARD TO DO THAT WITH ANXIETY, AND SOCIAL ANXIETY. I AM AFRAID OF EVEN BEING LOOKED AT WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM. I GET AFRAID WHEN SOMEONE STARES AT ME. 3. “Why are you so weird?”, “ew she’s weird”, “Why can’t you be normal?” I’M SORRY I’M ACTUALLY BEING MYSELF AND YOU ALL PUT UP A F*CKING ACT TO SEEM WHAT PEOPLE THINK IS “NORMAL”. PAINTING A PICTURE OF SOMEONE YOU AREN’T ISN’T GONNA CHANGE YOU. IT’S JUST BEING F*CKIN’ FAKE. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE FROM BEING ‘EW ’ OR BEING “WEIRD” OR “NOT BEING NORMAL” I’M INDULGING IN MYSELF AND YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SHUT IT ALL OUT AGAIN. I’VE DEVELOPED BODY DYSPHORIA OVER THE YEARS BECAUSE OF BEING TALKED ABOUT. “Ew why does she look like that?” “What is that outfit??” SHUT THE F*CKING HELL UP. LET ME LOOK LIKE WHAT I WANT TO AND GO ON WITH YOUR F*CKING FAKE ASS SELF. I’m not talking about anyone in specific. Just talking about people in general. People. Suck.
Man I’ve just been acting so weird recently. I can’t decide who is on my side and who’s against me, I forgive horrible people that I shouldn’t, I’m starting to lie more and more again, I feel like I’m always in my head. That I’m a fly stuck in my own web of my emotion, mental state, mental issues, and mind in general. I make people upset. I make people angry. I’m getting bullied more and more and it’s not See More helping my mental and emotional state right now. Everything is changing. I’m afraid of people changing. I hate change. I always have. I can’t recall a time where I liked change. Other than when my dad came back. But look where that got me. I trust in people too much, and when I think we’re close. BOOM. Drama. It’s always f*cking drama and I’m tried of it. I can’t stand being in my own skin. I can’t stand myself. I can’t f*cking do anything right ever. I can’t remember the last time I actually did something right. I can’t f*cking think for myself. I only care about those around me. I don’t care if I get hurt anymore. As long as I’m protecting someone. From someone like me. I need help. I’m f*ckin’ ill and my mother doesn’t even f*ckin’ aknowlage it. Neither does my dad. I smile when I’m sad. I smile when I’m upset. I smile when I want to end it all yet no one notices. No one f*ckin’ knows. How. the. F*ck. I. feel. My mother’s always like “Omg when I was your age, I went through the same thing! I know how you feel! Just stop caring about what they think! Stop being a baby!” 1. How the f*ck would you know what I’m going through? This isn’t a f*cking storybook that repeats. It’s not a script. You don’t know how I feel. You don’t know what I’m going through. Every adult goes “I know how you feel”, “I know what you’re going through.” or “Just stop caring about what people think.” I’m f*cking sick of it. 2. I CAN’T STOP CARING IF ALL I EVER THINK ABOUT IS HOW I LOOK AND HOW OTHER PEOPLE SEE ME. AND ALL THEY SAY IS “Just stop caring.” HARD TO DO THAT WITH ANXIETY, AND SOCIAL ANXIETY. I AM AFRAID OF EVEN BEING LOOKED AT WHEN I WALK INTO A ROOM. I GET AFRAID WHEN SOMEONE STARES AT ME. 3. “Why are you so weird?”, “ew she’s weird”, “Why can’t you be normal?” I’M SORRY I’M ACTUALLY BEING MYSELF AND YOU ALL PUT UP A F*CKING ACT TO SEEM WHAT PEOPLE THINK IS “NORMAL”. PAINTING A PICTURE OF SOMEONE YOU AREN’T ISN’T GONNA CHANGE YOU. IT’S JUST BEING F*CKIN’ FAKE. THERE’S A DIFFERENCE FROM BEING ‘EW ’ OR BEING “WEIRD” OR “NOT BEING NORMAL” I’M INDULGING IN MYSELF AND YOU MAKE ME WANT TO SHUT IT ALL OUT AGAIN. I’VE DEVELOPED BODY DYSPHORIA OVER THE YEARS BECAUSE OF BEING TALKED ABOUT. “Ew why does she look like that?” “What is that outfit??” SHUT THE F*CKING HELL UP. LET ME LOOK LIKE WHAT I WANT TO AND GO ON WITH YOUR F*CKING FAKE ASS SELF. I’m not talking about anyone in specific. Just talking about people in general. People. Suck.
on April 25
@Toby_<3 Bessttieeee comee baccck <3<3
on April 25
== Fall. ==
The leaves fall from the tree we used to lay underneath. We used to look at the stars from underneath it,
The leaves fall like how I fell for you, when you had to leave, I always threw a fit.
The cold air, as cold as you were towards me,
The wind, as sickly sweet as your smile. Why couldn’t you just have left me be?
I was drowning by myself, but I was happy, I was smiling,
Now I feel as if there’s no reason to smile towards anyone. Now my anxiety is simply piling. See More
I look at you, across the hallway, wanting to smile but instead frowning more,
For I could only remember the times you made my sapphire-like eyes pour.
The icy rain covers my tears for me,
I let its icy embrace take me away from here, knowing I can’t flee.
I feel numb from the frostbite taking the pain away,
Letting my pain free from the unbearable prison cell I myself had created, to keep them at bay.
I wanted to be happy for you,
But now that you’re gone, I can finally leave this plain,
Now I have no reason to act sane.
- Rayne Collier (October 12, 2023)
(Note: Inspired by "My R" by Lollia and "The Fall" by Lovejoy.)
The leaves fall from the tree we used to lay underneath. We used to look at the stars from underneath it,
The leaves fall like how I fell for you, when you had to leave, I always threw a fit.
The cold air, as cold as you were towards me,
The wind, as sickly sweet as your smile. Why couldn’t you just have left me be?
I was drowning by myself, but I was happy, I was smiling,
Now I feel as if there’s no reason to smile towards anyone. Now my anxiety is simply piling. See More
I look at you, across the hallway, wanting to smile but instead frowning more,
For I could only remember the times you made my sapphire-like eyes pour.
The icy rain covers my tears for me,
I let its icy embrace take me away from here, knowing I can’t flee.
I feel numb from the frostbite taking the pain away,
Letting my pain free from the unbearable prison cell I myself had created, to keep them at bay.
I wanted to be happy for you,
But now that you’re gone, I can finally leave this plain,
Now I have no reason to act sane.
- Rayne Collier (October 12, 2023)
(Note: Inspired by "My R" by Lollia and "The Fall" by Lovejoy.)
on April 25
+ You, Darling +
You, my darling, may doubt my words and doubt yourself,
But this poem is made for you and only you.
They are the love of my life.
They are the light to my soul.
They are the cause for the smile on my face every day.
They're the reason I’m the bubbly person everyone knows me as. See More
They are the best part of my life.
They are my favorite memory and the person I want to make new memories with.
They make me happier than anyone ever has before.
They let me be myself.
They let me speak, even if it’s about something stupid.
They give me my joy.
They make me feel cared about and feel loved.
They make me smile even on my darkest days.
They stay by my side so I have a shoulder to cry on.
I love them more than myself.
I love them more than life itself.
I’m not going to lie, I’m afraid I’ll mess it all up.
Scared I’ll lose you, even though you say you won’t leave.
This is meant to tell you I need you to stay, my shooting star in the dark night of my thoughts.
I need you for my own health, almost as if you’re my medication.
I won’t ask for what you don’t want to give.
All I ask for is for your heart and love.
And I’ll offer my heart, love, soul, body, and protection.
Because my love, you make my heart beat, my love blossom, my body crave your touch, even if it’s just a poke, my protectiveness strong.
I want someone like you to need me and love me.
You’re the only one I can think about.
You’re the only one who I truly worry about 24/7.
You’re the only one for me and my heart.
You’re the one that I want in my life for the rest of it until I’m in the grave.
Because, you Darling,
Fill my lungs with air that keeps me alive.
I love you more than life itself, never forget I’ll stay here for as long as you need me to or the day you finally want to get rid of me. Because I won’t leave you alone, No matter what.
Point is, I love you more than anything. I want you and only you. If you weren’t you, I’d punch the person pretending to be and search the Earth for the real one I love.
I want to protect you.
I want to make sure you are okay.
I want to make you feel safe in my presence and in my arms’ loving embrace.
You, Darling, are my life.
- Rayne Collier
You, my darling, may doubt my words and doubt yourself,
But this poem is made for you and only you.
They are the love of my life.
They are the light to my soul.
They are the cause for the smile on my face every day.
They're the reason I’m the bubbly person everyone knows me as. See More
They are the best part of my life.
They are my favorite memory and the person I want to make new memories with.
They make me happier than anyone ever has before.
They let me be myself.
They let me speak, even if it’s about something stupid.
They give me my joy.
They make me feel cared about and feel loved.
They make me smile even on my darkest days.
They stay by my side so I have a shoulder to cry on.
I love them more than myself.
I love them more than life itself.
I’m not going to lie, I’m afraid I’ll mess it all up.
Scared I’ll lose you, even though you say you won’t leave.
This is meant to tell you I need you to stay, my shooting star in the dark night of my thoughts.
I need you for my own health, almost as if you’re my medication.
I won’t ask for what you don’t want to give.
All I ask for is for your heart and love.
And I’ll offer my heart, love, soul, body, and protection.
Because my love, you make my heart beat, my love blossom, my body crave your touch, even if it’s just a poke, my protectiveness strong.
I want someone like you to need me and love me.
You’re the only one I can think about.
You’re the only one who I truly worry about 24/7.
You’re the only one for me and my heart.
You’re the one that I want in my life for the rest of it until I’m in the grave.
Because, you Darling,
Fill my lungs with air that keeps me alive.
I love you more than life itself, never forget I’ll stay here for as long as you need me to or the day you finally want to get rid of me. Because I won’t leave you alone, No matter what.
Point is, I love you more than anything. I want you and only you. If you weren’t you, I’d punch the person pretending to be and search the Earth for the real one I love.
I want to protect you.
I want to make sure you are okay.
I want to make you feel safe in my presence and in my arms’ loving embrace.
You, Darling, are my life.
- Rayne Collier
on April 25
; = My Mind is Like a Spider's Web. = ;
My mind wakes up, as well as my body,
When I look in the mirror, I feel like just somebody’s dolly.
I brush my teeth, but to no avail,
Again, it ends in one big fat yellow fail.
I look around, my horrid card vision clearly getting worse.
Sometimes, I wonder if at any moment, my eyes will burst. See More
I try and listen to my surroundings to try and distract my mind, shoving the fear down my throat,
Just another thing for me to cry about, excusing it as a way to cope.
When I try and listen, my ears’ infinite ringing gets worse and louder, when I cover my ears, the sound waves go back and forth, having no where to go.
Kinda sounds like somebody I know.
I smile and laugh in the light,
But I cry and die inside in the night.
I know on the surface it might seem like I’m just fine,
But I can’t eat, I barely sleep, sometimes I wanna run and hide.
Feels like I’m dying in this cage, my soul is trapped, I feel confined,
And I just wish they’d let me out, so I could finally live my life.
I’m not to give in if I have to fight,
But I’m willin’ to give in, rather die.
Lyin’ on my back, got no white flag to throw,
Even if I surrender, they’ll take my soul, even so.
When I need somebody the most, they never show,
But when they need me, they know I’ll answer.
It’s as though I have a target on my back, for all the weapons and venom they throw.
I’ve got nothing to show for it, even though,
I try to help anyone who needs it, if they’re drowning down below.
Been a tool my whole life, as I’ve shown,
But by myself I cry and I stand alone.
I want my ears,
Need to face my fears,
Can’t see clear,
My mind always terrified with fear,
That they’ll leave me behind and I’ll be on my own
Can’t see through all the tears,
You won’t see my fears,
I’m still standing alone here.
My mind is like a spider’s web, never letting go of me.
- Rayne Collier (no date, 2023)
My mind wakes up, as well as my body,
When I look in the mirror, I feel like just somebody’s dolly.
I brush my teeth, but to no avail,
Again, it ends in one big fat yellow fail.
I look around, my horrid card vision clearly getting worse.
Sometimes, I wonder if at any moment, my eyes will burst. See More
I try and listen to my surroundings to try and distract my mind, shoving the fear down my throat,
Just another thing for me to cry about, excusing it as a way to cope.
When I try and listen, my ears’ infinite ringing gets worse and louder, when I cover my ears, the sound waves go back and forth, having no where to go.
Kinda sounds like somebody I know.
I smile and laugh in the light,
But I cry and die inside in the night.
I know on the surface it might seem like I’m just fine,
But I can’t eat, I barely sleep, sometimes I wanna run and hide.
Feels like I’m dying in this cage, my soul is trapped, I feel confined,
And I just wish they’d let me out, so I could finally live my life.
I’m not to give in if I have to fight,
But I’m willin’ to give in, rather die.
Lyin’ on my back, got no white flag to throw,
Even if I surrender, they’ll take my soul, even so.
When I need somebody the most, they never show,
But when they need me, they know I’ll answer.
It’s as though I have a target on my back, for all the weapons and venom they throw.
I’ve got nothing to show for it, even though,
I try to help anyone who needs it, if they’re drowning down below.
Been a tool my whole life, as I’ve shown,
But by myself I cry and I stand alone.
I want my ears,
Need to face my fears,
Can’t see clear,
My mind always terrified with fear,
That they’ll leave me behind and I’ll be on my own
Can’t see through all the tears,
You won’t see my fears,
I’m still standing alone here.
My mind is like a spider’s web, never letting go of me.
- Rayne Collier (no date, 2023)
on April 25
; Forgot. ;
I don’t know where my memories gone,
Replaced by fog in my dark mind, I try to get a good thing, only to find it’s only a con.
I tried so hard for you, only for someone else within me to use me as a pawn.
I love you so much and you may not see that.
Knowing that,, in the hospital, I’m secretly hoping my heart rate flats.
I waited a thousand years for you, darling. See More
Only to find I was just falling,
Falling deeper in love, deeper into madness, deeper into my dark state of mind, deeper in messed up thoughts. I can’t stop loving you.
I thought that it might’ve made me lighter than the clouds above.
But instead it overflowed my cracking heart, in my sea of tragedy.
I really tried for you, love. I really did. I hope you find someone better, someone that has a completely different mindset than me.
I don’t want you to mistake this for me saying that I want you to leave me be.
I can’t live without you, darling. That’s the sad truth.
I tried to build a shield to protect you from everything, to make myself bulletproof.
Instead I was the one wielding the gun, pointing it at both myself and you.
I need you here, love. You’re the only person I have left that will listen and understand.
I really hope in the end it was all just God's plan.
- Rayne Collier (October 3rd, 2023.)
I don’t know where my memories gone,
Replaced by fog in my dark mind, I try to get a good thing, only to find it’s only a con.
I tried so hard for you, only for someone else within me to use me as a pawn.
I love you so much and you may not see that.
Knowing that,, in the hospital, I’m secretly hoping my heart rate flats.
I waited a thousand years for you, darling. See More
Only to find I was just falling,
Falling deeper in love, deeper into madness, deeper into my dark state of mind, deeper in messed up thoughts. I can’t stop loving you.
I thought that it might’ve made me lighter than the clouds above.
But instead it overflowed my cracking heart, in my sea of tragedy.
I really tried for you, love. I really did. I hope you find someone better, someone that has a completely different mindset than me.
I don’t want you to mistake this for me saying that I want you to leave me be.
I can’t live without you, darling. That’s the sad truth.
I tried to build a shield to protect you from everything, to make myself bulletproof.
Instead I was the one wielding the gun, pointing it at both myself and you.
I need you here, love. You’re the only person I have left that will listen and understand.
I really hope in the end it was all just God's plan.
- Rayne Collier (October 3rd, 2023.)
on April 25