high society !

rex and the virgin mary

it was a pretty average day at ballstown high; fifth period had just ended, and so the boys were on their way to their friday afternoon smoke session in the bathroom. it’d become a tradition since they’d met in detention a few weeks back. every friday they’d go into the bathroom together and get really fuckkin high, chat it up, and hope they don’t get caught.
one problem, though; they couldn’t find d-ray.
“wonder if he got suspended.” mitch suggested.
“i haven’t seen him all day.” rex nodded silently.
“no, i passed him on my way to psychology.” zee added.
“he’s here. he’s probably getting yelled at in the office or something.”
they continued their walk down the hallway, but as they passed by a janitorial closet, the door swung open, and out stepped d-ray.
his hair was a tousled mess and his cheeks were slightly flushed; his jacket was loosely thrown over his shoulders, his belt was undone, and his fly down.
mitch gawked. “what did you—who did you—“, and moments later, a beautiful blonde emerged from the closet and quickly walked away. she looked as fuckked as d-ray did.
“heyyyy.” the brunette greeted his friends with a smirk. they just stared, dumbfounded. zee finally spoke.
“you didn’t.”
“oh, i did. it was good too. she pulled my hair and i gagged her with a rag that was hangin’ up in there—“
a gasp from behind them interrupted his story.
“you’re  disgusting!” squawked a nasally voice from behind them.
they all turned to face the source of the sound.
it was a girl with light brown hair, and chunky blonde highlights. she had thin lips and short, straight teeth. she’d been watching the whole thing unfold.
“THAT’S disgusting.” said d-ray, pointing a slender finger at the large black mole in the center of her forehead. she smacked his hand away.
“well premarital sex is a sin!”
the boys had to choke back a laugh, with the exception of rex; he just stood there, saying nothing, doing nothing, as usual. his face was devoid of emotion.
“all of you are DEMONIC!” she stomped her foot.
“wow! she actually thinks i can pull a girl.” zee smiled. the other three just kind of looked at him and blinked.
“nah man… i…don’t think that’s it.” mitch replied.
”hear that, rex?” d-ray snickered, giving the blonde a smack on the back that made him lurch forward and knocked the air from his lungs. “premarital sex is a sin. guess you’re safe, ya fuckkin virgin!”
”LANGUAGE!” the girl sneered, before turning her attention to rex. her glare softened.
“oh my… hello! my name’s mary.”
mitch and zee exchanged a glance and d-ray had to shut his eyes and cover his mouth to keep from bursting out in laughter then and there.
“i never met a boy like you before… pure and chaste. do you wanna come to my bible study later? maybe bring your friends. they could use a little salvation, i think.”
she pulled out a sheet of paper from her pink binder and handed it to him.
“well i guess i have to get to class now… bye rex!” she waved and went on her way.
as soon as mary was out of earshot, d-ray burst into an uncontrollable fit of laughter.
“look it, boys! rex pulled a chick!”
“i pulled mary, guys. that’s not a flex. you gotta help me out.”
the other three nodded in agreement.
“let’s go smoke now.” zee suggested. “we’ll think of something in there, im sure.”
they headed off to their bathroom, into the stall, and took their  seats.
after a few rotations, the ideas started to flow.
“well we could just… not go.” zee suggested. “who gives a shit about this girl’s feelings anyways. she’s an evangelical. she probably doesn’t even have any.”
d-ray shook his head “where’s the fun in that? i say we all show up to her bible study and get absolutely smashed.”
“i’ve got it!” mitch gasped.
“mary likes rex because he’s a virgin! he needs to have sex!”
the brunette laughed. “it’d be easier to convince mary that god isn’t real. nobody’s gonna fuckk him.”
”wait. how about this.” zee grinned.
“we have d-ray chad you up! put on some of his clothes, do your hair like him, act like him! closest thing to losing his virginity he’ll ever experience.”
d-ray nodded. “yeah, i’m down. can we still get really fuckked up though?
after school, the boys met up at d-ray’s place. he offered rex some clothes and a pair of beat up doc martens to try on. moments later, rex emerged from the closet; he was dressed in a cutoff jimi hendrix tank top, with baggy ripped jeans, and a brown corduroy jacket.
“so what i do now, okay?” d-ray said before spitting into his hand and using it to slick back his shaggy hair. rex did the same, though he looked more like someone’s snotty nosed toddler than an edgy punk rock icon.
”okayyyy… now, stop slouching, and ya gotta walk with a kind of a swagger, see?”
he demonstrated and rex followed suite, albeit a little awkwardly.
“great!”
shortly after rex had been all chadded up, the boys arrived at mary’s she was wearing her best floor length floral dress and brown boots— she really wanted to impress rex (though she did seem a little off put by the fact that he was dressed so similarly to d-ray…) she lead them to her living room and offered them a place to sit down.
she then handed them all miniature copies of the bible to read along to.
”alright! by the end of this. you’ll all be saved from your sins… evil rock and roll, sex addictions, homosexuality—“
“hey wait. none of us are gay!” zee retorted defensively.
before mary could respond, d-ray piped up.
“wait…god can heal me from anything right? cause i was recently diagnosed with a very serious and slow progressing autoimmune disease. it’s called ligma.”
mary responded with concern in her voice. “wow, that sounds terrible. ligma, you said?”
“yeah. LIGMA BALLS!” d-ray started to laugh uncontrollably. mary looked like she’d just witnessed a murder.
“you need jesus!” she scoffed, before opening up her bible.
“i used to go to catholic school.” zee told her with a smile as he flipped through his own, looking for one particular page.  
then he promptly tore it out, pulled a small bag of skunk from his pocket, and rolled himself a joint from the bible page.
mary just stared in shock.
“WHAT are you doing?!” she cried out with disgust. zee just shrugged and flicked his lighter.
”learned this one in catholic school. bible pages make good rolling papers if you’re in a pinch.” he inhaled, and handed it to mitch. “is this safe…?” the golden haired man questioned.
“like the ink and shit?” at this point mary had just gotten up and left.
“who really gives a shit, curly? it’s weed, fuckkin smoke it or give it to me.” d-ray jabbed. mitch smoked and passed off to d-ray, who did the same and handed it to rex.
after rex brought the joint to his lips, mary returned with a broom in hand.
“GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!” she cried, swatting at the four boys as if they were wild animals that had broken in.
“GET OUT! GET OUT!”
laughing and coughing, they scrambled to their feet and made a run for the door. mary continued to scream at them as they climbed over the chain link fence. they ran until they were tired, and stopped behind an old convenience store in town. there they sat against the wall to catch their breath and finish their bible joint.
”wow, we just crashed a bible study.” zee laughed.
“my mom would ground me for a month if she found out!” d-ray grinned
“hey, it was for a good cause. we had to save rex from crazy mary somehow!”  
“yeah!” added mitch.
“so, rex. how does it feel to have no game again?”
“better than ever.”