A lost girl

Locked away

That morning bright and early away we went, on the journey to embarrassment and possibly social suicide at least part of me successfully got to kill its self. Hours in the car we finally arrived, I couldn't even wear a bra with underwire, or have shoe laces or strings in my pants. They dumped all my clothes and out and made me take out my gauges. (Side track: My gauges meant so much to me they were the one rebellious thing I could wear that was my style.) As I arrived after the check in which they made sure I didn't have anything I shouldn't I walked into this room, about the size of my living room. There was plenty of seats all close together and then down the hallway was our dorms in which we had to sleep in with a partner. They told me to sit down and wait that I arrived at an awkward time that everyone else was at school so I could chill and wait, I sat in the furthest seat away possible by the window so I could feel more free, I could see the fresh air even if I couldn't breathe it. To be honest I was terrified, I wanted to just cry but I couldn't apear weak so I remained strong and silently sat clueless on what would happen next. Not long after me another girl came in and sat kind of close to me, she was experienced at places like this, she had been here many times so knew exactly what to expect. She had cuts that covered her arms, when everyone finally arrived back in the room they all kind of stared and eventually got bold enough to ask why I was here, that's the thing about places like this everyone always ask why you were there as if it were any of their business. Besides I had never confessed to anyone that I was suicidal out loud but eventually I said it. The words fled my mouth as I remained in suspense of why the others were here.

After awhile of sitting awkwardly with these people I had never met my therapist came and got me, he was a very kind guy. He was funny and seemed like he meant well, like a trust worthy person, but that's the thing he was a guy. How could I open up to a male? I'd never been close to someone of the opposite sex especially to share my deep dark thoughts in which I had never told anyone. So my anxiety shut me up and screwed me over in which I couldn't talk at all, just turn bright red. My therapist asked the basic question first that everyone was dying to know 'why are you here?' I was embarrassed to say it do they not realize it's hard for some of us, eventually he got me to confess I'm here because I want to kill myself. Why he asked I awkwardly shrugged my shoulders, he eventually gave up on the touchy topic and used his psychology knowledge trying to get me comfortable, he talked about how I was the first person who ever sat in the chair I choose to sit in and he thought it was interesting. Eventually the awkward therapy session was over back to the even worse other room. I won't continue to bore you with strenuous amounts of details of the 6 worst days of my life.  

Everything was on a schedule, but sense I arrived on a weekend it was a little crazy. They weekend staff were jerks even my therapist said so. Admittedly I met some amazing friends at that awful place, people who I'm grateful for having a chance to spend a few days with they made it worth it. I met this girl named Shay she was very nice, she was the first person to really be my friend she friended me by telling me she wasn't as weird as the rest. Our personalities went great together eventually we became friends with this other girl Kat, we made it through this shit together.

One of the nicest things about all this was I'd never had a friend who understood my suicidal thoughts so I never had anyone to talk to. I've always let my feelings build up until I exploded causing me to in the situation I am. After all the annoying medicine and daily dr and therapist visits I finally got excepted to leave the day agree Kat, poor Shay had another week without us and I hope it went well for her.
After the place life was even worse...