Voldemort and the Quest for Facial Hair

Jumbo Marshmallows

Their first stop was, in fact, WalMart. To buy pop. This task was executed spectacularly by Wormtail. Voldy somehow didn't alarm people as he strode barefoot, in all his not-quite-human robed glory, up and down the rows of cereal, candy, and ice cream.
"Look at this," he exclaimed to Nagini. "Cookie dough? In ice cream! Who would have thought?"
A few moments later he looked at some cereal. "Marshmallows? Shaped like rainbows? Wow!"
Speaking of marshmallows, he did walk out of the store with some jumbo marshmallows in Wormtail's pack. He had been struck by how similar they were to him. No nose, no hair, light in color. Really, the similarities end there, but Voldemort may have managed to find some deeper meaning. Who knows?
And so they started down the sidewalk.

Then next day Voldemort wasn't feeling too well, as he had managed to eat two whole bags of jumbo marshmallows in just a few hours. He still wanted more. He also had a stitch in his side from walking so much. Voldy didn't get out of the house very often.
But he didn't regret beginning this quest, and he would see it to the end.

That afternoon they were in a city.
"Wormtail," Voldy gasped suddenly.
"Yes, my lord?" Wormtail asked politely.
"I- look!" Voldy pointed, at a loss for words. Across the street was a shop with big clear windows. And there were mannequins. With BEARDS.
Voldemort knew as well as anyone that him naturally growing a beard would be as unlikely as Nagini developing a love for Shakespearean plays and romance (which, I can assure you, is very unlikely).
"Get me a beard," Voldy ordered Wormtail breathlessly.
Wormtail nodded and started across the road.
However, while dear ol' Peter Pettigrew may have been good at getting pop, he was much less good at crossing the road in a new city.
Somehow he made it across (in the midst of many screeching tires and honked horns) and entered the shop.
Voldy waited on the other side. He had to sit on the pavement because his already-tired legs grew weak in excitement. Also, he did not have very good joints. After all, he was nearly 70 years old. Thinking of his age raises many questions (perhaps just as many as his wearing just a robe) but Voldy is Voldy, and evil dark magic wizards tend to deny the age processes most normal humans go through.
As he waited he stuffed more jumbo marshmallows into his lipless mouth.
Nagini curled up beside him, occasionally rearing up to startle passerby. Once she managed to get a man's wallet.
"Clever girl," Voldemort told her, unaware that he was quoting a very good movie about dinosaurs and that his statement ended one of the longest chapters ever typed by TheBrownie98 on Qfeast.