Eye of the Storm

Chapter 21

Time seems to freeze, which I have absolutely no problem with. I feel myself sink into his arms, never wanting to leave. I didn’t realise how much I’ve missed him; how much I’ve needed him. For so long I was unsure of my feelings, almost frightened by them. But now they’re as clear as day. At least that’s one thing in my life that makes sense. Reluctantly we both pull back. Finally, I get a proper look at him. The cuts on his face are healing.
“You look healthier,” he tells me. He smiles a little. Slowly I begin to take in how this young man really looks. I never focussed on all the little things before. His square jaw, bold cheekbones, piercing blue eyes. He’s undoubtedly handsome. His hair now that it’s been washed falls gently over his eye, long at the front and short at the back. I’m glad I didn’t notice all his features on the island or I would have melted into a puddle and died before the whole ordeal had even begun. Staring into his eyes I begin to realise why it is our past happened. His eyes are mysterious, yet inviting. How could I resist? He laughs awkwardly, his hand rubbing against the nape of his neck. “Do I have something on my face?” I suddenly realise I’m staring, red flushing across my cheeks. Good one, Ez.

We sit next to each other in the sand. There’s so much we need to talk about, so much that I’m not sure where to start. He holds my hand, running his thumb over my pale skin, being careful not to press too hard on my scabs. I stare at him, unable to tear my gaze away, not wanting to either. The atmosphere feels so different to the last time we were together. I feel calm, but I slowly realise that my mind is still a raging storm. I forgot about this anti-depressant affect Leo has on me. I’m scared that the moment we leave each other’s company my mind will darken once again.
“Esme, I wanted to talk about something, I wanted to talk about it on the… island… but I felt like it was the wrong time,” he doesn’t take his eyes off my delicate hand. My heart beats a little faster. Does he want to talk about us? I quickly try and think up an answer to that in my mind before he opens his mouth again. “You’re suicidal, aren’t you?” I open my mouth ready to answer the question I was expecting. My mouth hangs open and I feel darkness flow through my body like a shiver. I feel my skin go cold. He finally brings his eyes to mine. “Sorry if that’s overstepping boundaries, but I feel like if I’m going to be your boyfriend I need to know these kinds of things,” I didn’t think It was possible but my mouth hangs open even wider. I’m not sure if my heart is beating fast because I’m nervous or excited.  Finally, I manage to shut my obnoxiously widened mouth. He squeezes my hand tightly, as I nod.

I’ve been like this for as long as I can remember, favouring death over life. But my fear of the unknown, of what comes after death, has been keeping me in the light. I don’t like to talk about it with people, don’t want to trouble people with it. He suddenly pulls me into him, wrapping his arms around my shoulders.
“It’s ok, Esme. I’m here for you,”
“How did you know?” is the first thing that comes out of my mouth after a long moment of silence from me. He kisses the top of my head.
“I walked in on an attempt, remember,”