Ray

2

“I saw you with him again,” my father murmurs, not even bothering to look me in the eye. I nod carefully, taking a small step away from him. “Once you are queen, you cannot associate yourself with such weakness,”
“Weakness?” without warning I feel my body seize up, almost like I’m angry. I’m not sure if it’s just the feeling I get around my father in general, or if I really am angry that he insulted the boy in the cottage.
“He is no one, Astraea. You are almost a queen, now start acting like one!” when my father raises his voice it can only be described as a haunting experience. His body lays limp in his undeserving throne, his eyes dead and complacent, the words echoing off the empty walls. Like a ghost. Though I don’t agree with a word that comes out of his mouth, I nod once again. Pretending to agree is far safer than defying, I’ve learnt. He dismisses me back to my chambers.

Walking around the castle is an experience I wouldn’t wish upon anyone. The bricks are dressed in empty photo frames, memories that father is desperately trying to erase. Memories of her. Every night, when I look up at the moon, I still think of her. The moment she disappeared, so did all the humanity left in my father. In my nightstand, hidden under a small block of wood, is a small photo of us. My mother holding me, with a look in her eyes that I’ve never seen in anyone else’s. Love. She was the Queen that this kingdom deserved. As Valentino said, she was perfect. We used to look up to the moon together, making up stories about the stars above us. Stories about princesses and scoundrels, dragons with roaring flames, wizards and witches and my favourite: the story of a young fairy, who yearned for more adventure in her life, so she flew to the moon. Mum used to say that if you look up at the moon very, very closely, you could see her there. I still look for her.

When I can’t sleep, I sit at my window and look out across the garden, illuminated by the soft moonlight. I don’t know why, but every time my eyes are drawn to the small cottage. My thoughts pulled to the young man inside. I know he’s just a servant boy, but when he smiles at me, for once in my life I actually feel like the princess I’m meant to be. I don’t dare think deeper, though, scared of what feelings I might find hidden. I shake my head, almost as if shaking off the idea of him, but that’s when I notice something. In the corner of the garden, behind the hedges, inside the cottage, the lights are on.

I know father would be furious if he knew what I was doing, but somehow that just urges me on even more. As I pull my cloak on over my nightdress, I make sure to be as silent as I possibly can. I make my way down the big, empty hallways of the castle and down to the door that leads to the gardens. As my feet step across the cold grass, I feel comfort surge through me. Reassuring me. Pushing me forward, towards the cottage. I don’t think I’ve ever been this close to it before. From a distance, it looks like a dream, with vines twisting up the walls. But up close, it’s cracked and cold, yet the light coming from inside is filled with warmth. I knock. All of the sudden my breath is hitched in my throat and I can’t quite breathe. Everything stops for a moment, before the door opens and so does my entire world.