Reaching Out

Warm Feeling (Part 2)

    His forceful questions were making me bristle, and my metaphorical hackles raised as I snapped my angry gaze up to meet his own stern one. “Just shut up, Sebastian. Just your damn mouth for once. If I say nothing happened, nothing happened. Now stop trying to pry into my life. You haven’t been a part of it in years, and while I am very happy to have found you, you don’t own a right to know every aspect of what I do and who I do it with anymore.” Both my voice and my eyes were sharp, despite my calm tone. Sebastian was a sweet, wonderful person, but he could kindly back off of my life and my personal business. It was my problem, and mine alone. He didn’t get a say, and he didn’t get to put his usually misplaced kindness to use to try and fix my messed-up world. He stared back at me, his frown having deepened with each word. By the end of it he’d gained a glimmer of hurt in his eyes, and I felt a small pang of guilt for being so harsh on him.


    Sebastian closed his eyes for a moment, pausing to collect himself and take in the full entirety of my words. I was silent as he did so, feeling my knuckles creak from how tightly they squeezed the mug as I shifted a bit. Eventually, he opened his lids again and stared up at me with furrowed eyebrows as he took a deep breath, supposedly to counter my argument with one of his one.


    I never got to find out as a sleepy male voice interrupted us, and I swiveled my head in the direction of it as they asked, “What’s going on? Sebastian? Who’s this?”


    The man who had spoken had dyed platinum blonde hair that was kind of everywhere as well as slanted, sleepy dark eyes and lots of piercings in his ears. Surprisingly enough, I recognized the man. He was Ming Huang, better known as DisOrder or D.O., a niche rapper who made tracks that I was absolutely in love with. The beats were amazing, and his music was all about the problems of the youth and really serious topics from his own experiences. DisOrder was locally famous, and here in my childhood friend’s apartment. I glanced at Sebastian. He had some explaining to do.


    Nonetheless, no matter how much I enjoyed his music, did not mean I wanted him to be here in the middle of an argument between me and Sebastian. DisOrder looked at me, staring into my eyes with an unreadable expression before his gaze drifted down to the mug in my hand, and the blanket around my form.


    Whispering in my ear, Sebastian said, “You should stay here tonight, you’re still not recovered enough. We’ll talk about this in the morning.” I nodded reluctantly despite the intense want to argue, and Sebastian sighed in relief at my compliance before he spoke more loudly to the still waiting DisOrder.


    “Ming, go back to sleep. We both know you need it, you’ve been working too hard. Don’t worry, I’ll tell you what this is all about later, when it’s not the middle of the night,” Sebastian placated the younger boy, watching as he gave Sebastian a look before heading back into his room.


    Sebastian then got up from the couch and offered me his hand to help me up, smiling at me with his dorky smile, although it was a bit dimmer than I remembered it to be. It felt unfair that he was still being so kind, yet I was being so stubbornly unforthcoming. I pinched my lips and avoided his gaze, guilt coiling in my gut like a snake waiting to strike as I set down the cocoa mug and took his hand to stand up. He shifted his grip then to hold my elbow, multi-purposing it to both steady and lead me as he pulled me after his down the hallway of his apartment. I clutched the blanket still in my fist, hand gathering both edges in front of my chest so that I stayed wrapped within its cocoon.


    Passing by, I noticed that there were three doors on the right side of the hallway and four doors on the left. One of the doors on the left was the bathroom, since it was slightly open and I could see the tile and sink within. Passing the rest of the closed doors, we stopped in front of the last one, a door that was presumably the master bedroom of the apartment from the size of it when Sebastian opened the door.


    I took in the beautiful sight the window made before anything else in the room. There were dream-like billowy drapes, and most importantly, a cushioned reading nook. I wanted immediately to run to it and lounge for the rest of my days in that heavenly corner, to read books on my dream piece of the room. After I stopped drooling over the window nook however, what hit me next was the odd mixture of clean and messy that was the master bedroom. It looked as if a strange and slightly deranged OCD tornado had blown through, trying to clean but unable to not make a tragic mess in its wake.


    I snorted lightly into my fist but Sebastian’s keen ears caught the sound. He turned to me, the put on his face completely childish and adorable. He hasn’t changed at all, I thought to myself with a small smile. “Liz, are you alright? What’s so funny,” Sebastian huffed, slightly incredulous, “that you had to laugh at my room? It’s not really that bad, is it?”


    This time I didn’t try to hide it. Instead, I laughed a good loud laugh (albeit a short one), cackling at Sebastian’s bewildered expression. My stomach hurt, and my muscles were loudly protesting the use while they were still getting warm. I quickly lost the air in my lungs and weakly replied back in between fading and breathless giggles, “It really is that bad, Sebastian. It looks like some sort of well-meaning monster trashed the place on accident.”


    He grumbled something under his breath that I couldn’t quite hear, but he looked miffed. I got my last giggle out of my system, and walked over to the bed.


    Yawning, I stretched my arms above my head and blinked sleepily up at Sebastian, who was hovering over me. Narrowing my eyes slightly, I decided he was much too tall. He spoke, and I didn’t hear him as I tried to come up with reasons why he was at least six inches taller than me. He sighed again, and snapped his fingers in front of my face, successfully getting my attention.


    “Liz,” he informed me with a ruffle of my hair, “you can sleep in here for tonight. I’ll come wake you up a bit before breakfast so we can talk again, and then you can have some pancakes with us. I have a few other boarders here besides Ming. Sleep well.”


    I nodded, and he smile dimly again before helping me with the oddly heavy covers and tucking me in. I’d already started to drift off, so I barely caught the look on Sebastian’s face before my eyes slipped completely closed.


    His eyes looked sad and immensely worried, his brows furrowed deeply as he bit his lip and stared at my face with a cocktail of emotions I was too tired to pick apart. The guilt that had coiled in my gut struck once more and hit me, before slithering up to my heart and laying there, heavy and painful. Some semblance of awareness returned to me for a brief moment as I softly murmured, “I’m sorry,” and turned over on my side so I wouldn’t have to face his reaction. Then, I was asleep.