Friends with the bad
That next morning Mary found herself asleep on the same little hill. Slender had gone,Mary continued her journey,she had got deep into the woods,it was so dark she turned her torch on.She started to limp "Ow! What's going on?" She looked at her knee,that had started to bleed again,she put a bandage on it and went on...she suddenly heard a clutter "Hi slender man!" She shouted but it was not slender it was Jeff the killer! He pounced on Mary and kicked and scratched her.slenderman saw the whole thing and started to attack Jeff. He ran away and slenderman helped Mary up.She was not harmed,much,slender man took Mary home and her parents were so happy to see her.THE END
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1 star
I HATED this story. Sorry, but I'm being completely honest with you
2 ★
It was a cool story, but it lacked descriptions. I think the plot went along to fast, and some important things were missing. Where is the climax?
As well as some other questions:
-How did she not die when she saw Slenderman? See More
-When they telephoned to her house, how did her parents not see her?
-How did she not react to falling down and getting hurt?
-Just because her dad didn't believe her shouldn't be a reasonable reason to run away.
-Why didn't she get hurt when Jeff attacked her?
-Why did she need Slendy to bring her back home? There was no reference as to her getting lost. She could have walked home herself.
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This story can be VERY good with some editing and I'm sure you're capable of doing better.
Keep going!
-Raven:D