Day's End

Saviour

        That was it. That was their final straw. They were finally going to leave after many failed attempts of trying to convince themselves not to. They had wanted to for a while, even back when they had still lived in Three Spires, but Lea's death made the decision. There was nothing left for them; not here, at least. They wanted to go back home. They would go alone if it really came down to it, but they had a feeling it wouldn't. They had a feeling that someone would go with them, even though that person knew very well that it was dangerous for just the two of them, and that feeling soon proved to be true.
        The night was cold and quiet. Sidney had told Regan of his plans during the day, but he understood. He took that time alone with Sidney to tell them that he loved them and that he was all too eager to go with them. He told them of the note he left in their tent and that they must've overlooked it, and Sidney was overjoyed. They loved him, too. They made sure that this is what he wanted to do, but Regan was hellbent on staying by their side. Regan had watch duty tonight, and that was when they were going to make their move.
        They were going to take one of the horses with them. Not Lucy, of course; they both knew how much Lafayette would miss her. Sidney decided to take Lea's gun with them to serve as a reminder, and Regan had the responsibility of packing a few things for their trip. He said that he wanted to do it, just to make sure that they really got everything they needed; it was obvious that that wasn't the reason, but Sidney trusted him. They knew that he didn't want to leave behind everyone he's ever known since this all began and that he wanted to spend as much time as he could around the others before they had to leave.
        Sidney remembered Regan saying that Tiffany had been like a mother to them, and he considered Jo a little sister. That was nearly all they could think about while they prepared. If that truly was the case, Regan either really loved them or felt bad for them- pitied them for Lea's death. Or maybe he didn't want them to go alone, which they had never experienced before unlike himself. Maybe he loved them enough to do such a terrible thing to himself; to have to go through leaving the ones you care for behind again. Whatever the reason was, Sidney was grateful to know that he chose them.
        And they left. They weren't going to New York, as was the original plan the group had, where Lea was certain they needed to go to better use the cure. Now that Ren had killed Lea, she would likely be the one to lead the group there. Both Ren and Lea had spoken of going to New York even before the fire. Everyone was on board, and her plans had doubtful changed. Instead, after receiving Regan's approval, they two were going to Kentucky, where, Sidney explained, their aunt lived. They were sure she was dead, like all the others, but they wanted to go there and be someplace familiar to them; someplace close to them.
"So, which side is she on? Mother's or Father's?" Regan asked.
"She's on my mother's side. Her name's Mary. My mother and Mary were twins." Sidney smiled.
Regan chuckled at their odd smile. "Do you have any cousins?"
"No, um- Mary was a nun."
"Really? That's cool. Do you know what it's like?"
They rubbed the back of their neck in thought. "No, not really. We've only had short visits, but me and my brother used to go see her all the time."
"Are we going there? Wherever she lived?"
Sidney held him tightly from behind as he kicked the horse into a canter. "Do you want to? It would be nice to see that place again."
"Yeah, it would be nice to actually be in a monastery before I die."
They frowned and hit him lightly. "Don't say that."
He laughed. "Do they have peacocks? I heard they keep peacocks."
"Yes, they have peacocks, R. Why are you so interested in this place?"
"I don't know." He glanced back at them and smiled. "This might sound kinda weird, but religion has always been fascinating- is that the right word?- to me. I'm not religious myself; it's just, well, the fact that it exists, I guess."
Sidney rested their head on his back. "That's cool. Do you know what fascinates me?"
"Hm?" Regan hummed in response.
"This isn't going to sound weird; it is weird, but the seasons fascinate me. You know, winter, fall, summer, and stuff."
"So, in a general way of putting it, the spinning of the earth?"
"Yes, the spinning of the earth."
His grin grew. "That's not weird. Someone else had to be fascinated by it, or we wouldn't know what they are today, right?"
They snuggled closer to him. "Right."
        And they traveled, having short, random conversations about whatever happened to cross their mind, but they were usually about each other's past, particularly Regan's. Sidney learned that Regan had a younger sister named Chloe, but she had been bitten in the early stages of the epidemic. He told them that he still thinks of her quite a bit. He had an older sister, Mikayla, who was in college at the time. He never saw her again. Sidney told Regan more about Kegan, Maria, and Joseph, who he was more than familiar with. Maria was the one Sidney shied from talking about, which Regan certainly didn't ignore. So, he was going to get it out of them, even if it made them uncomfortable. You can't just keep it bottled inside yourself; you have to talk about it sometime.
"Maria? That's a pretty name. She's your mother right?" Regan asked.
"Uh, yeah.. She was."
Regan leaned back into Sidney's embrace. "Do you, you know, want to talk about it?"
They sighed. "Not really."
"You can tell me. You can't just-" He paused to find the right word. "-do that to yourself. It's only hurting you more if you don't let go, and I- I don't want to see you hurt."
"I have let go. I don't care. I just don't want to talk about it, R.; wouldn't you know?"
He leaned forward and shifted in the saddle. "No. I don't really know. I always confided in people because I knew it was better for me, but it's fine."
"Maybe later, R. Sorry."
"I may not understand being silent, but I understand being hurt." He looked back and grinned at them. "It's okay."
"Thanks," Sidney whispered.
Regan slowed 'Anna,' as he had named the horse, to a walk. "How close were we to exiting Indiana when we left?" He pointed to the right. "Because we're in Kentucky now."
They sat up. "I don't know. Probably pretty close."
"Do you think there's a stop nearby? Those places have maps, right? We should probably get one before we get lost."
Sidney sighed. "Probably. I'll stay out here with Anna if you find one."
Regan slouched in disappointment at Sidney's suddenly melancholy attitude. "Are you sure you're okay?"
"I just want to get there soon. It's not that far, but a map would help."
"Why did you decide to leave? You never told me the exact reason."
"I guess I don't have reason for hiding it from you, do I? I thought I wanted to leave so I could go back home, but all I really want to do is find Kegan, alive or dead. I just want to see him again."
"I wish I had the courage to do that. I would've gone looking for my sister by now."
Sidney rested against his back again. "What's holding you back?"
"It's kind of hard to explain- maybe, I don't really know. I just don't want to be by myself anymore."
"Then why'd you come? Why didn't you just stay with the others?"
"I came because now, maybe, I can look for her. Now that I'm away from a group but not alone, either."
"Yeah, we'll look for her. Where did you say she last was?"
"We're all from Louisiana. She went to college there. That's where I saw her last."
"Do you think she's moved on since then?"
"Yeah, she probably has. That's why I'm afraid to look for her. I'm afraid I'll never find her or she'll be dead when I do find her."
"At least you'll know what happened to them, right? I feel like that's a lot better than not knowing."
Regan sighed. "I guess. I mean, sometimes it's better just not knowing when you would otherwise live happily."
Sidney propped their chin up on his shoulder. "But would you? Would you live happily not knowing?"
"I don't really know. Maybe. I'm fine not knowing now, but, now that we're actually talking about it, I don't know."
"Do you want to see her again?"
"Of course I do, Sidney!"
"Then we'll look for her. If we get to Kentucky, and everyone is dead, we'll move on."
"What about Kegan? What if we never find him?"
"We'll move on anyway. We'll move wherever suits our goals, and, if we can't complete them, we'll just move on to another one." Sidney hesitated but had seemed pleased with their answer.
        Regan didn't say anything back. The two rode on in silence, stopping every once in a while to let Anna graze or to do something themselves; that is, until they came across something- a building. The building that Regan had asked of; the building that would undoubtedly have a map they so needed. So, he urged Anna in that direction and left Sidney with the horse, which they offered to do, to go in, accompanied only by his knife. The door was barricaded from the inside with a rope which was tied through and around the two door handles multiple times. The glass door was foggy with dust, but he could just barely see through smeared hand prints adorning the door with their desperation for escape.
        He didn't see anything moving from inside, but he did see the stand on which brochures and maps once laid. Most of them were gone, and most of the ones remaining had fallen off and onto the black-and-white checkered floor. He could faintly see the entrances to the bathrooms and another door on the other side of the building, but it had been tied shut just like the one he stood in front of. There were no windows, and the building was extremely small. The only things he could salvage from this place were the maps; he just needed to get in.
        First, he tried the end of his knife, which had a sharp point on the end designed to break glass, but it only cracked the barrier. He tried it again and again, harder each time, and it wasn't long until the glass shattered and shards of the material scattered. A few pieces landed and embedded themselves into his skin, and a few cut him as they flew by. He wiped away blood from his cheek. "Be careful, R.!" Sidney advised from atop their horse.
"I know. I'm trying."
        Regan cautiously and slowly stepped through the opening and had to lean back to avoid slitting something open on large, sharp edges that stuck out mere inches away from his skin. He was in. He didn't bother checking the bathrooms; both with the assumption of it being barren of anything he needed and with the fear that he would see something horrible, like a mangled corpse being feasted upon by a walker who was too preoccupied with devouring the rotting mass to bother itself with the sound of the glass door being smashed. Before he grabbed some of the maps, a few extra just in case, Regan untied the handles of the door and kept the rope with the hope that it would be useful.
        Everything was silent, and it made him think of how many people- living people- would've been here had everything stayed the same. It made him think of just how much he missed the world, faulted as it was even then, but it also made him think of how lucky he was to be part of the ones that were still alive. Regan took one last look around the empty, solemn building and left to join Sidney and Anna who waited for him just outside.
        They were off again. Sidney offered to hold the map with the claim that Regan needed to focus on, "driving," rather than the truth that they just wanted it to draw on. It was a good thing he had the foresight of bringing extras. Sidney didn't seem to notice the rope he brought along or, at least, didn't care about it, but they did notice his cuts from the glass. They knew he had backed a small bundle of bandages, but, when they suggested cleaning and wrapping his injures, Regan wrote it off and suggested that they both wait for an emergency when they would really need it. "The bleeding has slowed down already, and it doesn't hurt much, anyway," was Regan's accepted defense.
        It wasn't until the sun began to set that Sidney finally realized that they were almost there; everything around them was so familiar. Regan had wanted to stop long ago, but Sidney urged that they needed to find the building before they could stop. They were close, and Regan trusted them enough to keep going. It wasn't long before Sidney saw it. It looked exactly like how they remembered it; a large, red brick building adorned with a golden cross right above the wooden double doors that concealed the inside of the monastery. It wasn't exactly much to look at for others, perhaps, but to Sidney it was possibly the most beautiful thing they'd ever seen, even in the shadowy veil of night.
        They both dismounted Anna, and first Sidney was unsure of what to do. They tried the handle of the door first, but it was locked, which surprised them a little, despite the being a high chance that it had been locked before this and had stayed locked. Then Sidney knocked, once, twice, and even a third time, and what surprised them most was that it opened.