Perfection

Tracie Parker used to be an unpopular girl. But now that a man secretly gave her a makeover, she's determined to become friends with the popular crowd. Except things change when she meets a cute geek at the mall and gets his phone number. He's an outcast at school, and becoming his friend - or even his girlfriend - would ruin Tracie's status with the popular girls. Is she willing to take the risk?

published on October 13, 2015not completed

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My name is Tracie Parker and I am terribly unpopular. No one at school pays attention to me, I get picked last for sports teams, and I sit alone at lunch. What could be worse than that, right?
So that's why I'm sitting on a crate, in a dark alley, as a homeless man gives me a makeover.
"Call me Jim," he'd said, so that's what I call him.
He takes a pair of scissors and chops off my hair. It used to go halfway down my back, but now it's in a bob. Jim puts the flashlight in his mouth and hands me a mirror. I look.. different. He begins the painstaking process of dyeing my hair. It is incredibly boring, just sitting here, but worth it.
Jim gives me a pair of contacts. They'll make my eyes green, and they're brown now. I pop them in. For a homeless man, Jim sure has a bunch of high-tech equipment - he used a machine to create contact lenses that were the same prescription as my glasses.
Finally, Jim stands up and brushes himself off. "Look in the mirror, kid," he says.
My once long and brown hair is now short and blonde. My once brown eyes are nor bright green. My once plain ears are now pierced with diamond earrings.
"Girlie-" Jim warns. "Your payment."
I reach in my pocket and withdraw a $100 bill. He snatches it from me and tucks it into the pocket on his apron. "You're free to go."
Smiling, I stand up and walk out of the alley. The sidewalk is bustling with people, and not one of them stops to tease me. Before, random strangers would pause and give me funny looks, but now-
My thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing. I pick it up and answer it. "Mom?"
"Tracie, where have you been? It's past 11:00 and you need to get home right now-"
"Mom, I'm okay, you don't have to fuss-"
"-your father and I are very disappointed-"
"I'm really fine, Mom, you shouldn't treat me like a kid anymore-"
"-abducted or kidnapped-"
"MOM." I say through clenched teeth. "I'm coming home."
"Well, good! You'd better be home by midnight."
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Comments (10)

... How old is she, anyways? Is she in high school? Even if she is, there's NO WAY that real, good parents would be totally unconcerned and not suspicious when their daughter comes home late with a total makeover and a whole bunch of bags, claiming that it's all under $200. Getting her hair done like that would've normally cost at least $50, and a box of colored See More
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She's a teenager - you know, 15-16 years old. And their parents assume that "coming home late with a total makeover and a whole bunch of bags, claiming that it's all under $200" is a normal, teenager-y thing to do. I guess they were just so excited about the fact that their daughter was out shopping (possibly making friends) that they didn't pay a lot of attention. See More
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on October 13, 2015
It's fine. Tbh, I don't completely understand it either. Tracie's taking over the story and writing stuff. I think I'm possessed.
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on October 13, 2015
Oh, OK. I guess that it's just me, but... I'd never be able to go out on my own to the mall in the first place, and if I came back with a totally new look and a bunch of bags of clothes, my parents would absolutely FREAK. I'd probably end up grounded for a month for dying and cutting my hair, much less stealing. They'd be so suspicious that it'd be insane. And See More
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on October 13, 2015
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on October 13, 2015
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on October 13, 2015
Hmmm...
It's good, but not as good as your work usually is. I really don't understand what she was doing accepting a makeover from a random homeless guy in the first place. There are several grammar and spelling errors. Also, her mom would definitely recognize her. Even with the contacts, she would (at the very LEAST) think that the face was familiar. Also, how See More
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Yeah, this definitely isn't one of my best stories. I need to revise and edit a bit. Although, the homeless guy charges $100, yes, but he also steals his victims' wallets when they aren't looking. After Tracie paid him, the pickpocket took her wallet.
Also, she accepted the makeover because she was very desperate, and she wanted to be "undercover." She was worried See More
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on October 13, 2015
No problem, and thanks!
She's 15-16, but I think I'll make her 16.
And it's fine. I've made that mistake many times before. :)
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on October 13, 2015
OK, thanks. That definitely clears things up a bit. :)
(But still, exactly how old is she? Is she a freshman or a senior?)
Looking back, I'm actually mistaken. I thought you misspelled a word, but it's actually spelled correctly. My bad.
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on October 13, 2015
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on October 13, 2015
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