Right In Front of Me (Finished)

Chapter 21: The Confrontation

I wake up the next morning to find a text from Hayden on my phone, from 11:56 last night. I fell asleep before that. It says:

Hayden <3: Hey babe, feeling any better? Hallie told me you were sick.

I text back: Avalon ;P: I'm good now, TGIF! Date 2night?

A few minutes later, he replies: Hayden <3: Sure. Where do you wanna go/do? Not that it matters... I'm just excited about what I wanna do with you after the date... ;)

        I tell him he gets to choose what we do for the date, and then he tells me to meet him in the park, at the red bench on the brick path next to the park. I tell him I can't wait.
        Then I get ready for school, and put in my contact lenses. Greyson comes to my window all ready for school, and we leave early so we can watch hall performers.
        When we get there, I see Diego dancing in the hallway with a crowd around him. He winks at me. I blow him a kiss, pretending that he melts my heart, then I keep walking. Greyson grabs my shoulder and turns me around, so I see the serious look on his face. "What?" I ask him. He stares for a few seconds, then asks, "Do you remember when you told me that you wanted to perform in the hallway sometime?" I give him a confused look. "Yeah..." I reply. He says, "Do you still write songs?" I am startled by that question. "Uh, what do you mean by that?" He says, "You used to write songs all the time. Do you still do that? 'Cause it's been a while since I've seen you in your room writing, or I hear all of your 'da-da's and 'doo-doo's and 'la-la-la's. Do. you. still. write. songs?" He breaks the question up like I'm an idiot. "Well, I mean, not lately... but that's just because I have been so busy, with Hayden and school, that I just... haven't had time to." He says, "Make time. You were really good at it. Don't push that off for some guy. Especially when I know that singing is your dream," He stares. I stare back. "Well, even if it is my dream, maybe it's just not... in the cards or something, I don't know. I just don't have time or inspiration any more." That shut him up.
        In second period, Greyson asks, "Okay, then, what used to give you inspiration?" I look up at him from my worksheet. "What inspired me to do what?" I look at my worksheet. "Mitosis? What inspired me to perform Mitosis? Nothing. Absolutely nothing has inspired me to perform Mitosis." It's his turn to roll his eyes. "Writing songs. What inspired you to write songs?" I look at him again, long and hard. "Why does it matter, Greyson?" I say a little too loud. Half of the class turns and stares at me for a few seconds, then goes back to pretending to do their worksheets. "Why does it matter?" I whisper. I answer number seven on my worksheet: Mitosis divides the amount of chromosomes in half. "I just want to know." He replies. I sigh, and say, "Whoever I like at the time." He smirks. "Then why haven't you written about Hayden since you started dating him? Hmm? Why have you lost your inspiration if you are so crazy about Hayden?" I heave a huge breath. He's right. Why haven't I?
        I simply respond, "I don't know. When I lose my inspiration; I lose my inspiration! Okay? I don't control it! It... just... happens!" He stares at my paper. "You're wrong." I glare at him. "I am not! I know the way my brain works better than you do! I just lost my inspiration, okay!? You never write any songs, so you have no room to talk." I say back. He doesn't remove his eyes from my paper. "No, I mean number seven. Number seven is wrong." I whisper, "What?" I look at my paper. "How?" I question. "Meiosis divides the chromosomes in half. Mitosis doubles the amount of chromosomes." He corrects. Shoot. He's right. I erase 'divides' and write doubles, then erase 'in half'. I answer three more questions effortlessly, then get up to turn it in.
        "And you're wrong about me, Avalon. I have written songs. I'm just not as good as you, that's all." He says. I roll my eyes, then whip my hair as I spin around to turn in my paper.
***
        I am in my room getting ready for my date with Hayden. I want to dress up, but it's cold out, so I'm struggling to choose what to wear. I am torn between just wearing leggings and screwing the point of dressing up, or dealing with the cold and wearing a dress anyway. I hold both options up to myself in the mirror, weighing my opportunity costs. I decide that I need to see how cold  it is outside before I make my decision. I open my curtains so I can step out onto the bridge and feel the temperature. Instead I find Greyson sitting outside my window, about to open it. He looks at me, then opens the window, letting in a gust of frigid air. I look away, trying to protect my face from the cold. I back away from the window, then turn forward to see Greyson climb in.
        "Got a date tonight?" He asks, shutting the window. "Yeah..." I reply. "Who with?" He asks. "Are you serious? Greyson? You should know very well who it is." I tell him, putting in a pair of earrings. "Seriously. Who? I don't want to play a guessing game all night." He states. I turn to look at him. "Hayden. I am going on a date with my boyfriend, Hayden." I say, irritably. He sits on my bed. "Oh, well, you know, I just heard that Hayden already had a date for tonight." He says. "Yeah. With me." I say, applying foundation. "No, he is going on a date with Avalon Starr; popular girl. You are not her, deep down inside. Hayden isn't dating you. He is dating a complete... faker." I look at his reflection in the mirror, then turn around to look at him. "I don't have time for your dumb metaphors, Greyson. Now could you please leave so I can decide what to wear?" I demand.
        "I actually have an idea for something you can wear." He tells me. "What?" I question. "Well, I think that you should prove something to yourself tonight, Avalon." He states. I narrow my eyes. "That is not a fashion option." I say. "No, no, I'm getting there." He defends himself, standing up. I cross my arms. He says, blatantly, "Hayden doesn't love who you really are." I scoff at his rudeness. How could he just blurt that out?
        "Y-yes, he does!" I argue. He calmly shakes his head. "No, no he doesn't. He loves this- this I-image that you have placed in his head. He loves what you have put on the outside of your body. He thinks he knows who you really are; but he doesn't." He says surprisingly calm. I am fuming, I am so angry. How dare he try and tell me what Hayden does and does not love about me! "You don't know how wrong you are. It's okay if he loves the outside of me! It's allowed! Just because maybe it isn't alright in that twisted mind of yours, that doesn't mean that it's actually not alright." I yell.
        He shouts back, "It is okay if he loves your outside. What I'm worried about is that he doesn't love who you really are. But not because he has seen the real you and just doesn't like it, oh no. But because you haven't let him see it. Because you are too caught up in being your diva little self that you don't want to lose your place as most popular girl in school. Because you won't let him see who you really are. And you know what? You know why I think you won't show him the real you? Because you are scared that you won't just lose your rank at school, but also because you think you will lose Hayden, too. You are too afraid that he won't love you then. That he'll leave you. You think that's it's okay for you to pretend to be this way, because you like the way things are with Hayden right now, that you don't want risk losing that. Well I think it's worth the risk to find out if he actually loves you. I mean who you really are. And you know what the worst part is? He actually thinks that the girl he loves, is who she really is. Doesn't that embarrass you?" He squints at me as a tear slips down my cheek. Before I can answer, he says, "Now, I think you should prove this to you and me; that he can love who you are on the inside. I think that tonight, you should wear," he digs under my bed, retrieving my glasses case, "these. They are part of who you are, and were before the makeover." I sigh. "Wear these, and if he still loves you then, then you can go on from there how you want. But if he doesn't, you'll figure out what to do. Eventually." He tells me. He walks toward the window, but turns before he opens it, says, "Oh, and, I have a 'twisted mind', huh? You didn't seem to think so the other night when you nearly kissed me." Then he opens the window, then leaves, closing it behind him. The cold air lingers in my room. The literal cold air from the window being opened up, and the cold from Greyson's words, that still float around in the air, making its way into my head, causing a system overload in my brain with too many words and emotions, throwing my body into a breakdown.
        I cry for the next fifteen minutes, then I tell myself to stop feeling sorry for myself. I stand up, and go into the bathroom and wash off any progress I had made with my makeup. I go back to my room and re-do my makeup, then examine both of my options that are now laying on the floor side by side. I kick both of them out of the way, and pick out something a little more... edgy than my normal style. I am on a mission tonight. It is no longer just another date. It is what makes or breaks my relationship with Hayden, whether he knows it or not. If Hayden doesn't except me tonight, then I know that our relationship is basically over. But I have to do this. I remove the earrings I had put in before and put in a different pair. I do my hair, slip on my ankle boots, then my coat.
        Finally, I remove my contacts, then reach out onto my bed, and grab my glasses case. My hand shakes as I open the lid. As I open it, I remember a few days ago when I told Greyson the I wished I could forget these horrific things. I feel bad saying that now, as the lid is opened completely. I examine them. I haven't worn them in three months, let alone looked at them. They aren't so bad, I think as I lift them out of the case. I drop the case on my bed, and look in the mirror. I put the glasses on slowly, then look at how I look. I look like... me. And I feel great, just so much more like... I'm not trying so incredibly hard. This time, I don't examine my outfit in the mirror before I leave, because that is what the new me would do. I button one button on my coat, then head out to what most would call a date, but what I am thinking of as the revelation of my fate.