Scraps of Ideas

Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood

I watched the movie, Secrets of the Ya-Ya Sisterhood, and the climactic scene made me lose it, and I was forced to wonder why.

        The mother has her episode and has to be restrained. He is brought into the kitchen, and enters an almost catatonic state where she just stares. The father tries to feed her, wake her up a bit. And as she is responsive, he still tenderly gives her a kiss.

This scene reminds me of Boron. How I feel like the mother so much when I pop my pills, and how I oh so want to be like the mother sometimes, and pop pills until they go to my head. But Boron is also like the mother, because he takes his pills but they don't help him, and I want them to help him, because I love him. And for this, I cry. And I feel like I should be like the father and love and caress him gently when he is hurting.

Love is a choice, and I live by that idea.

While I do take care of Boron when he is hurting, and while I do choose to love him, when he falls victim to those feelings, it hurts me on such a profound level emotionally and physically. I wish I could be like the father in that way, because he helps the mother without mentally or physically breaking down. And perhaps in a way, I am like the father, because there is no way to tell what feelings he is not showing, watching from behind a movie screen.