Scraps of Ideas

A Sasquatch Tree: Musings About the Future

        Antonio walked along the sidewalk, the heat detectable through the soles of his shoes. Rene walked beside him.
        It was 5:15 pm on a Thursday in late July, upwards of 95 degrees in the southern California heat.

        "Where are we headed?"
        "You tell me."

        Past an Italian cafe's patio, an antique dealer's storefront, across Janeiro Avenue, continuing along Marching Street. The air was still, creating an effect where it grew almost too hot to stand still.

        "Wanna grab a milkshake? It's on me," Rene made an offer, knowing that the cold of a drink -- or at least air conditioning -- would do Ant a lot of good.
        "Yes please, though I'm happy to pay for my own."

        The two took a right on Apple Lane, and then another right into the back lot. They used the back entrance to Mr. Tiny's Icy Freeze, as it was less crowded and would give them more time to consider what they were to order.
        The inside of the ice cream parlor was relatively small and cramped. The back entrance saw mostly seating, while the front entrance, at the other end of the aisle, met nearly immediately with the front counter. There were several other groups of people there, and many more in the seating near the back entrance, clearly all aiming to escape the heat.
        Rene ordered two chocolate and almond milkshakes and paid, as she had intended, though Ant was sure to leave a tip. Next time, they would swap roles. They had their routine, fashioned through several years of knowing each other.
        
        "What's been bothering you?" Rene sat down at a bar stool near the back of the shop, placing the order number in front of her.
        "You know. Just. The future. It's coming too quickly." He looked glum. His hazel eyes were slack at the outer edges, as if he were tired, and were dull, in contrast to how he usually shined.
        Rene looked at him, sympathy but not quite understanding in her Japanese eyes. "Time is so cruel! We never get a moment's rest. Why are you so," she paused, in search of the correct word, but finding none, "sad?"
        "I am afraid."
        There was a pause in the conversation as Rene waited for him to continue. The bustle and gentle hum of other conversations in the ice cream parlor did not need her to wait; they proceeded as steadily as time itself.
        "I am afraid I will feel like I did in high school." A graduate of a little more than a month, accepted into a good college, and offered a merit scholarship for his academic prowess, Antonio seemed to have everything lined up on his way to a higher education.
        Rene smiled and thanked the server, who delivered two chocolates in pristine condition, and took away their order number. She then proceeded to ask the next most obvious question: "How did you feel in high school?"
        "Stifled. Trapped. I had so much work to do, so many almost unreachable expectations, that it was hard to not feel the only way out was death."
        Rene sipped her milkshake. It was perfection. "I'm sorry to hear that."
        Ant didn't want to seem melodramatic, but it was too late for that, and he wanted to get the thoughts out of his head and into someone else's, so he continued.
        "And it will only be worse in college. I've got to maintain a competitive GPA to keep my scholarship so I can actually afford to attend college. I've got more classes than I ever had in high school, and these classes are at a college level and are /hard/. Not to mention, I am going to be trapped in a major I am not even sure is what I want to do, because my classes for that major start right away, and changing my major will put me behind everybody else and in debt."
        The rancor in his voice grew as he spoke, and the tired corners of Ant's eyes stiffened, as to be a reservoir to prevent any tears from falling.
        "I'm afraid because I will continue to be trapped, and I can't cop out because not only will I have to pay money to the school, but then it will be even harder for me to make more money without a degree. Now that I have everything that I could want -- I have you and I am free from school and I have had time to heal and be happy. Now that I have all of this, I have to give it up again." His milkshake had previously been untouched, but now that Ant seemed contented with his little speech, he sipped the straw with a ferocity that suggested he didn't want to talk anymore.
        Rene was quiet for a little bit, too. "I'm really sorry to hear you still feel that way, Ant." She took her own few sips of the milkshake, it being half-consumed already. "I'm really sorry. And I can't promise you anything, because if I had that power, then you wouldn't have suffered the way you did in high school."
        Antonio stopped suckling at his drink, and was clearly paying attention to her words, despite not wanting to look at her.
        "But you've said it yourself. You'll be back for Christmas. You said your roommate invited you to weight lift, and that you were excited to join him in that pursuit. You're going to be studying things that you find interesting, and even if they are not the things you want to study and do the rest of your life, you will be in a better place than you were in high school for that reason alone."
        Her words made him feel better. Only a little bit, but better never the less.
        "Ant, money isn't everything. If you lose the scholarship, or have to extend the time you spend in college, it happens. It may take longer for you to pay off any debt, and it may be stressful and pressing at times, but what matters more is that you are happy. You've said it yourself, too -- at least a little jokingly, but hopefully not too much -- that you can always go back to the village where your father came from, and teach English and work in the fields."
        The thought was not horrendous. Antonio leaned against the counter, his cheek resting in his left palm. While there were tears in his eyes, there were no longer threatening to pour over and down his face. His mouth was no longer tense, but softly curved at the corners, and his throat no longer ached from fighting back the emotion.
        "And, Ant. If it ever becomes too much for you, I want you to know that I will always have a place for you to stay."
        The placidity that she had brought to his face broke again. Tears fell, dampening his cheeks and left hand. But his mouth, though it tensed and curved, broke only to form a crooked, but honest, smile. His voice was ragged, but sincere. "Thank you, Rene."
        "You're welcome, and I mean it."
        They each sipped their drinks further. The cold drinks, the condensation on the outsides of the glasses, the artificially chilled air being pumped into the parlor through vents. The sound of people talking in the background. The heat of the sun was tangible, even inside the environment.
        "Some day, I know you will make a great partner to your wife."
        "Thank you, Ant. I hope to be so. And I know you will find happiness, in whatever form it greets you."


Written while listening to "Kong" by Bonobo.
Written with thoughts of "Deadlines and Commitments" by the Killers.