Eyeless Jack (1)

Eyeless Jack (1)

Mitch tries to fall asleep at his brother's house. But he falls asleep. When his brother sees him, he gasps and drops his coffee cup what happened?

published on June 23, 2016not completed

Noises

I heard footsteps. I ignored it, and cuddled with my blanket. I began to sleep, and in my Nightmare I had so much pain. I woke up, and felt like crawling. My brother cried and called 911. "Sheesh! So much blood! Why?" Cried my brother, screaming.
I softly whined and I felt my back. I felt nothing below, just flesh cut. As the police came, they ran into me and put me into the van. Slowly, I blinked twice and I fell asleep. I woke up, and tried to stand up. I quickly fell. "Let me help you up," Said a docter, lifting me up.
"Thanks.." I said.
"No problem, sir.. We cannot say this in a good way, but you lost your kidney for some... Odd reason. The police will investigate. It was maybe... A pycho murderer..." He said.
"Yeah.. But I wonder-" I rubbed the area, as it stung. I felt cringe.
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Comments (9)

Jack rocks
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on March 30, 2020
jack got him
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on March 14, 2020
Did Jack take Sam's kidneys to make him die?
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on August 03, 2017
It's a nice story, aside from a few grammar errors. But what happens next? It's kind of confusing?
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I know there is grammar errors.. But this is what I found online and it made NO SENSE. So I tried my best to make it by myself.
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on June 28, 2016
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on June 28, 2016
Thanks. @Dei_Dei
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on June 24, 2016
I like how this story is going, and how you lay it out too, but here is some advice:
If there are two people having a conversation, you don't need to bother putting "said" at the end of each time a person speaks. E.g
"How was your day?" Sam asked.
"Not good."
"Why?" See More
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Thanks. But whenever I usually read I find it hard to read it and find out whose talking. I thought others would think the same. But thanks for the wonderful, and more convenient advice!
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haha to tell you the truth, it does make it a little easier to read- however with the advice I gave you, you'll look like a professional writer in no time.
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on June 24, 2016
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on June 23, 2016
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on June 23, 2016