relapse (tw)
today i did it againfor the first time in 4 months
but it wasn't like usual
i didn't just scratch
i didn't just pick
i was making myself a sandwich
i was cutting the bread with a serrated knife
as i cut the bread, the world shifted out of focus
i watched my own hand skim the blade into my arm
i can't believe what i have done
it's been 3 years since i really "cut"
i find that the serrated blade hurts more
it feels nice
to feel anything at all
but this isn't my "beautifully tragic" story
this is my life
this is wrong
this isn't normal
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