Later
"Aquakit" Lightningfoot called for her "yes Lightningfoot?" His niece stumbled toward him clumsily"today....I'm going to my first hunt since I got sick, so today you and your siblings will be watched over by Steelheart." He stated "awww...why Steelheart? He's so mean!" She complained "Aquakit...I know you guys have a 'past' but just stay on his good side!" He argued "but I do! And he still treats me like mousedung!" She argued "you will obey your deputy! Do I make myself clear,Aquakit!?" He slapped her on the back of the head scolding her "yes Lightningfoot..." she whined "good." He smiled and licked her head "I'm sorry I yelled at you,I love you but you have to know to not talk back to those higher than you." He sighed "ok." Aquakit smiled up at her uncle "see ya." Lightningfoot once again embraces his name and stand on his back toes and blasts off faster then a strike of lightning "Aquakit!" A equally clumsy Bengalkit strikes on top of her "Get off me mousebrain!" She giggled at her brothers comedy followed by her sister Tigerkit jumping in "you'll never get up as long as I'm on top of you guys!" They all laughed "Kits! Straighten up!" Steelheart complained as the kits stumbled to get off each other and into a straight line side-by-side "Sorry sir..." Bengalkit apologized for playing around "you best be! It's not gonna cut for your lollygagging but I'll take it." He growled
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Also: I think you have something called a 'snake in your sentences'. Most of your sentences are very long, without a lot of puncuation! Try to break them down into smaller parts for a more dramatic effect See More on your reader.
I touched on this in the others: The main problem is your punctuation. I don't really understand what is going on? You lost me at 'BloodClan', sorry!
Otherwise, good job :)
???/5 stars!
Holy s*it you missed a comma! Call the ambulance I'm gonna have a nervous breakdown! And you missed a capital letter I have to dial 9-9-9. Help meeeee!