Malaria the Cat.
Amer Pari gathered his supplies and prepared to go outside. He had never been outside. The night was, new, to him. It was scary and interesting. The dark sky had little, white, glittering specks in it. "What are... Those? Are th-they dangerous?" Said he 8 year old boy. Amer looked behind him. His house. His 'family'. He was leaving it all behind. He closed his eyes and frowned. "I need to go.. Before they realize I am gone." He started to walk into the night. His mint eyes looked around, then he broke into a sprint.His foot footsteps where quick. Suddenly, the boy tripped. He yelped in pain as his knee scraped against some sharp rocks. He looked behind him and winced. The brute saw a young, female kitten with bull horns. Her markings seemed to glow green. Amer carefully went to pet it, not knowing what it's hissing meant. Of course the cat bit him. He yelped again and shook his hand. The cat stopped hissing and cowered back. "Who are you? W-What are you?" The cat, who was supposed to meow, spoke. "M-My name is Malaria.. I-I-I am a Cat."
To be continued in the next chapter.
(Author's note: Sorry that this is so short!)
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In paragraph one it says"The whole room was silent." I suggest that you be more See More descriptive and replace the sentence with "The whole room was filled with eerie silence that grow more terrifying by as each second passed in absolute silence."
Lastly, in paragraph 5 it says"His parents stood in fear. Then explained to him. The more they explained. The more angry he grew..."
I suggest that you replace it with" his parents stood in agonizing terror as they admitted the secret they had longed to keep from him; he is a parasite. The more they explained the angrier he felt. The rage pumping through his veins like toxic venom."
I hope you liked my suggestions, and that you continue to write!
...Chapter Schedule...
( Will depend on School work and my life)
Mondays - None
Tuesdays - Most likely See More
Wednesdays - Yes
Thursdays - None
Fridays - Yes
Weekends - Yes