he CHANGED
he sat up, and then we saw him he was being controlled and his hair and eyes changed he smirked and then saw mom and dad and anger rushed across his face.
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If you add more sentences & make the chapters longer... Other than that... Great!
The story of ur sis (me) is called Cracked Masks if ya wanna read. It's not done though..
I'm going to work on my story... Changing a characters name... XD