Chapter 1
Cleo sat on her balcony with her notebook, thinking about what had happened. She didn’t WANT to believe them, but she was afraid they were right. No one cared. She was worthless, and she hated it. She hated THEM. She hated HIM. He ruined her life, and he didn’t even care. Cleo angrily scribbled down the first word that came to mind.STUPID.
The girl stared at the letters, hating the fact that they were true. Three failed math tests, eight failed history quizzes. No time to study, and no one to study with. Her job monopolized her precious time, but she couldn’t quit. Her mom needed her. Her sister needed her. Without the extra job, Cleo’s family would have to go back on food stamps. Even if all she did was flip burgers, it helped… a little bit.
But sacrificing one thing to get another was something she had learned to do.
She learned it over and over again. If she wanted money, her education would pay dearly. If she wanted a new pair of jeans (which there was a VERY unlikely chance she would be getting any), she would have to sell something to pay for it. All of her paychecks went to the family.
She was teased for it, of course. The “poor kid”. No one wanted to hang out with the “poor kid”, especially if she was new. And dumb. Cleo looked at the word again.
STUPID.
The girl narrowed her eyes and ripped the page out, then crumpled it up. Without a second thought, she threw it over the railing of her balcony.
The door of their cheap apartment opened. Mom was home. Cleo quickly walked into the kitchen and pretended to be getting a snack, the paper completely forgotten. The word completely erased from her mind.
But it was fresh in another’s mind, as he stared at the crumpled paper that had hit him in the head.
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Constructive criticism: You should make your chapters about 100 words longer.
I hope you make more chapters ^-^
Well as a writer you probably want crittesism, so here :3
The story description is short & simple, yet lovely cute and got me interested. The chapters themself are pretty short, but since this is probably something you write for fun, and if you instead make more chapters instead of more See More content each it's fine. The grammar is pretty good. The storyline is also nice, bringing 2 viewpoints together is a nice way to go about this type of (love)story.
In these first chapters you're only shedding some light on the characters, so how you weave their opinions and actions into the story is pretty smooth, cauze in some cases when showing a character the writer tries to point out what kind of action their character would take but it doesn't blend in the storyline.
The only negatives I found was that the chapters are short, but that's probably just because I find this story so nice to read and hope you'll continue it :3
I NEED MORE
MOORREEEE!!!!!!!