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When I die, I want to go peacefully like my Grandfather did, in his sleep - not screaming, like the passengers in his car.Friendship is like peeing on yourself: everyone can see it, but only you get the warm feeling that it brings.
If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?
When my boss told me this is the fifth time I'm late, I smiled and thought to myself, it's Friday!!
New year resolutions you can actually keep! Skip more classes in school. Call in sick at work more. Go shopping more often. Eat more unhealthy food like fries and burgers. Drink more pop cans instead of freshly squeezing healthy fruits. Do less exercise and watch more TV.
Remember: Don't Insult the Alligator till after you cross the river.
Christmas is a competition between who gives up first: Your feet or your wallet.
Why did the blonde take two stones to bed? One to hit the light switch and turn the light off and the other to check if the window is closed.
They say love is more important than money, but have you ever tried to pay your bills with a hug?
It's true that we don't know what we've got until we lose it, but it's also true that we don't know what we've been missing until it arrives.
Smile - it makes the person who hates you mad.
Has anyone ever noticed that 'studying' is 'students' and 'dying' put together?
You can't face the problem if the problem is your face.
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