Diary of an Awesome Kid

Chapter zhe 1

I heard banging as I woke up. The sound of violent piano banging. Ricd, I thought. Him and his band are always annoying. They call themselves "The Loaded Dish Towels." What a stupid name. He thinks he's cool. But he is totally not. He looks emo and he is loud.

Anyway, my name is Gilbert Heffley Beilschmidt. And I am an awesome kid. My friend, Elizabeta Hungry should be here soon. She's my best friend and she has awesome frying pan skills. She should be here soon. I got up and brushed my teeth to see that Ricd had left toothpaste all over my face towel. What a bastard.

Mom that is Ludwig was making breakfast and dad was getting ready for work. My dad is Germania Heffley and my mom is Ludwig Heffley. "Ricd! Will you quit banging on your piano and get down here!?" Yelled my mom, Ludwig. The bamging stopped. Ricd hit my head with a towel of toothpaste and sat down for eggs and ham. "Ricd! Don't hit your brother with towels," said my mom, Ludwig. Ricd groaned and ate ham and eggs.

I sat down as well and ate. "I have to go to work now. Goodbye, children if mine and wife," said my dad, Germania. He left and tried being cool by using finger guns. Lame. Even Ricd agreed. He then left. When mom, who is Ludwig, wasn't looking, Ricd threw ham at me. I threw ham back. Mom, who is Ludwig, scowled. "Playing vit food iz prohibited, boyz! I work hard to make us dinner!"

Ricd and I said sorry and when we were done with breakfast, I went to shower. But Ricd made the water super cold. "RICD! ZHAT IZ NOT AWESOME, TURN ZHE WATER BACK HOT!" To the protests of mom who is Ludwig, he did and I had a nice warm shower.

When I went downstairs, Vash Zwingli, aka Sandwich Man, was there with Ricd. Sandwich Vash is Ricd's friend in the band. He plays the accordian. He says it feels like playing an accordian. He has a sister. And he has bad brotherhood skills.

"Vash, Let's go practice in the garage," said Ricd. So they left. There was a knock at the door. "GILBERT! OPEN UP!" That's Elizabeta, Hungry. I opened the door. "Hey Gilbert! Watch this!" She took two frying pans and tossed them at the neighbours plastic gnomes. "Haha!" I laughed as well. "That's great. The gnomes perish now!" I got the water hose and murdered the gnomes while Hungry laughed.

"Gilbert! What are you doing?" Yelled my mom, who is named Ludwig. "Oh jeebiz! Let's go!" Hungry got her frying pans and I turned off the hose. We ran into the house and left the gnomes to suffer.

"Hello Mrs Heffley Beilschmidt," Elizabeta greeted. My mom, who is Ludwig said hello. "Ricd is back in the garage. He'll take you two later to the pool because our air conditioning sucks," said my mom that is Ludwig. Then my mom that is Ludwig left to wash towels.

"Your mom wants us to go with Ricd at the community pool? He'll hate it. I feel like I will hate it," Hungry Eliz said. I groaned. "Ugh...I hope Vash and his sister do not go."


That's it for now. Thank you @itsgonnabemay for the idea of Radderic and Rodrick. And Ricd. P L A T I N U M user.