Good job working on grammar, capitalization, spelling, and punctuation. I would work a bit on spelling, if I were you. All in all, I guess this was a lot better than the first one! :D
Don't give up! Now's the time for looking at inspiration! Look at other Qfeast stories! Make it exciting be looking around Qfeast. But just be you when you find inspiration and make/remake a story.
very short
pointless
a very bad version compared to jeff kinney