new_girl_in_town

Dude, I swear my mom just flat out hates me. No matter what I do or what I come up with, she always has to go around pointing out the flaws of whatever I'm trying to do. I'm 18, almost 19, and her main concern should be me moving out of the house. But, instead, right as she finds out that I'm making plans to move about half an hour away from town, she flips, saying that I didn't think it through. Just watch me....
In a month, I'll be perfectly fine, living in an apartment See More with my soon to be roommate, and she'll be left home to wonder why she never believed in me. Once I'm gone, I'm not going back unless it's to visit because I have to prove her wrong now. In the next month, I will fully have control of my life, and there won't be anything she can do or say to make me think or feel otherwise. This is one thing I have to prove her wrong on.... No matter what it takes.

I want to run away from my own life. There is just way too much going on, and all I want to do is escape it all...

I was on urban dictionary, and I saw these two definitions. This was my reaction.

Man, never thought starting an office job could feel like high school all over again...

I have a new sense of respect for my manager. It used to be that she had authority over me, so I have no right to question her orders unless she messed up or contradicted herself. This past week, I informed her that I had gotten another full time job and that I may be extremely limited on my availability. You know what she told me? She told me not to quit this job. She said that I am a great worker and that she really cares about me. She also said that, should i ever quit See More my other job, i would have this job to come back to. This woman has helped me get over being pushed around and relentlessly teased by several customers, refuses to let me go on drive thru because I always seem to flip whenever I get slammed, and gave me daring advice when she found out about my break up almost 2 months ago. She is like another mom, and, unfortunately for my mom and I, I get along a lot better with her than I do my real mom. I appreciate everything she does for me, and, even though she isn't perfect, she is still a great manager who looks after her employees.

I hope that, when you all go out and get a job, you get a great manager who is always willing to look out for you just like my manager does for me.

I found a picture on Facebook, posted by one of my "friends", of a person complaining they had stepped in (this being the exact wording, so don't hold this against me...) "shit". The next part of the picture was a picture of a Bible stuck to the bottom of his shoe. Of course this offended me, and, yes, I did say something about it. However, someone told me that I wasn't being true to my beliefs...

EXCUSE ME?!? WHAT IF I EDITED THE PICTURE TO SHOW A COPY OF DARWIN'S THEORY See More OF EVEOLUTION? The concept of tolerance has been perverted by hypocricy, and I hate it. Why do Christians have to turn a blind eye to the very things that go against what they know and believe to be right? Why do everyone else get to talk bad about us, yet, when we point out our beliefs on a matter, we get called intolerate and told not to say such things?

I refuse to be quiet. If I see something that I believe is wrong, i'm not going to turn a blind eye to avoid being "intolerate". I stand by what I believe no matter what, and that is what makes me me. I choose honesty and loving others enough to be honest rather than being silent and feeling guilty about everything. I have a voice and a strong heart, and those are things that will not be silenced. You can call me all sorts of names for being this way, but I won't care. I'm not radical, but I can be blunt from time to time.

I hate my job... There's a guy going around and trying to convince everyone that one of the kitchen guys and I should go out. I mean, yeah, I like the guy, but only as a friend. I'm not letting myself get played with again, though. If I'm going to like a guy more than a friend, I'm gonna need to be sure he likes me more than a friend. No "he said, she said" or cruel games. I hold the key to my heart, and no one's getting through unless I know they're serious. I won'the See More risk getting myself hurt anymore. I'm tired of playing strong against guys when i'm trembling on the inside out of fear or worry. I'm tired of always pretending everything is okay. What I need isn't to lighten up and take a joke here and there. What I need is a guy who knows that matters of the heart are no gaming or joking matter. I want a guy who agrees with the way *NSYNC, Backstreet Boys, and 98° say you should treat a woman.

I can be a best friend or an enemy. I am fiercely loyal to a fault, and I die a little on the inside everytime someone somewhere takes advantage of me. Most wonder why I tend to be very defensive, but, between my past of being bullied and my general experience with guys, I have every right and reason to want to build up walls that no one can penetrate. They can try, but, if and when they suceed, I always get hurt and try even more to build better walls.

On the outside, I am tough. On the inside, I am weak and vulnerable...

Sometimes, I actually start to wonder why I can't bring myself to actually hate my mom..
I finally got up the nerve to tell her and my dad about breaking up with my boyfriend, and my dad mentioned how long distance relationships are hard, only for my mom to start emphasizing on things that weren't fully in our control, like how he lived an hour away, neither of us drive yet, he was still in school, and I was constantly having to work during convenient times to go see him. Man, See More I may have been over him already, but I was fighting not to tear up and tell at her. Luckily, my dad jumped in and cut her off...

My name, Lela, means loyal in French... Maybe that's why I keep finding that, no matter what happens, I keep coming back to the people I once cared for or always have cared for. Once I care, I never actually stop caring. It's hard to cope with at times, and there's always those jerks who take advantage of me, but what hurts most is when I try to let people go from my life because it always feels as though I'm tearing away a tiny piece of myself that I've devoted to someone... See More And, that's why I never stop caring...

Finally slept last night for the first time in a month. However, I went a little crazy. I allowed myself almost 3 cups of coffee, thought about skipping through the store, about blew away in the wind while taking trash out, about smacked a guy upside the head with the trays, only for him to say he trusted that I wouldn't hit him (I about died laughing as I told him he may have misplaced that trust...), and then, to top that off, I danced a little to Uptown Funk when it played See More in the store and made everyone all but die of laughter... I, personally, blame it on not being used to being single anymore...