fleur22045 - Page 2

This is so different from before, before it was a hopeful anxious and depressed if that even a thing, now its all down the drain like schools gonna be over and im gonna have nothing my life is literally nothing i cant do any single thing right i cant study i cant keep friends i cant make my orents happy i cant make money all i do it sit around im tired of it but i cabt stop

I keep talking down below about how im not funny anymore but now!!! Ive lost my whole personality im fading into the background literally nothing i say is funny to anyone anymore, im not even the least bit charismatic. Ive just stopped trying

Its flaring up again and i know its because im stressed abt the future, but also now, everyone hates me and im not good for anyone, and im not independent enough for it to not matter. Idk what im doing

This is all like a cycle

Im doing not well again

hehe update Japan update it was amazing i had the absolute time of my life and some shit happened but i can only take good memories away from it. got closer to the gals i went with and even though i felt some anxiety abt it, im trying to let it all go and appreciate everyone i went with. exams are shit and i feel pretty bad talking abt them so i wont. i had the weirdest fking day today, it was the english exam day, not good yikes I wonder if i got excellence in the two? I hope See More idk

Im just in a rly good space rn and i can tell a huge difference even sonce december when i was worried ant not being fckinh funny enough. I can look back and reflect and finally everything isnt so hectic, even tho it is sometimes. Like just a month ago i feel liek i was having a hard time dealing w stress abt japan even tho there was nothing to stress abt, i know itll fluctuate but im goad im in a good space and can reflect. I feel like nivvy saying all this lmao shss so wiss See More sometimes

If a friend ever stumbles accross all this bullshit, i dont want them to feel sad because i dont rly talk abt any of this shit, im just extremely private and i crave conteol in a way through keeping things to myself and dealong w them by myself. And i know its not healthy a lot of times but i dont like the idea of having to rely on someone and someone relying on me, even tho i do it all ghe time. Im just a hypocrite, but ige kind given up trying to decipher myself and nit pick See More everything i do, sonce thats what caused a lot of the anxiety in the fkrst place

Either way, i know i need to work on being able to b less uncomfortable around people and genuinely b myself and not b scared to actually make connections just because i feel inferior. I know it wont happen now but jopefully in uni? I eish i was hardee working but whats new, im just glad im not blaming myself for everything even tho sometimes i do think everything is my fault, i feel like i tend to shut people out.

And english is kinda hard (not rly) because no friends lmao but i think i have to come to terms w the fact that i wont have friends in eveey class. I def see myself as inferior to other people in a lot of ways, like weight and appearance and personality and my age has a lot to do w it. Also the fact that im not v popular and i have a hard time making friends or maaybe im just not an easy person to become friends w?

Im honestly kinda touched how much ive progressed sincs june and even since december. Im still working on anxiety and stuff and i gotta knock wood cuz lowkey i feel like my ocds a bit hars to control atm but i know its gonna get better

Hi whore im back

So yea lets feast ???. I was so boring this time around but wtvr june me is always a blast to read

June me n 2016 me were fcked up and im atill def far from fixed but its looking up. Ocd and shit is the maij thing i wanna work on but i dont think abt it too much like i used to i wanna die less so gang. So yea ayo gg and shit im glad i can look back here n see how much ivw progressed sonce this is the shir i dont tell anyone so its like i cN talk fo myself. Lmao rly shows how my main concerns in 2015 were abt that eddie kid. I was much happier then but im bwcomng happier now See More i just wanna get a councilor or aomsthing but i probs wont lmao

But ya ur bitch isnt lowkey depressed anymore. Hinestly feeling a lot better, that ocd shit could be worked on but its making me feel less like wanting to die so ⛽️️??️ Ive got a bit to go before im 100% better BUT life is looking better n thats all i was asking for :,)

Lowkey i feel like my humour is backpedalling like i shoukdnt b using lowkye or deadass anymore cuz thats some old shit??? But honestly i have a very advanced sense of humour and aesthetics but no one gets me, >:-( tortured artist, BUT because everyone around me isnt as advanced as i am i say that old shit whne i shouldnt b like it says something when ur june self is funnier than u know. I feel like i stopped being funny after taht ft call w nivster n im not dying abt it like See More i wouldve been but i wish i at least kept my sense of humour u know. I feel like w aesthetics too i find tacky shit cool either cuz of its tackiness or cuz ts ok cuz someone cool is wearing it, uts the same w the humour lmao

K so ski mask the slump god n stranger things are ur new shit atm

I really shoukdve waited until 2018 so it looked more dramatic but i like wasting my summer

Its that time of year again

: big mood