McDermottsAngel - Page 95

Bars And Melody Girl has a new background picture for her Twitter, and luckily the picture of me getting changed isn't there anymore.

But there's a new picture.

I'm also in the background of the new picture, having a panic attack. I know I'm panicking in the picture, because I remember them taking it and laughing about me being in it, and I was panicking at the time about something in the next lesson.

Why can't they just crop me out? :/

Someone on Instagram said that they could slay their enemies with Mika's cheekbones. ??

Well, he does have really sharp, gorgeous cheekbones. . . ??

Me: *finds a cute picture of Mika*

Me: OMIGOSH, HE'S SO PERFECT.

Me: HIS HAIR IS PERFECT, HIS EYES ARE PERFECT, HIS SMILE IS PERFECT, HIS EVERYTHING IS PERFECT.

Me: *cries*

Me: STOP THE PERFECTION! *sobs*

Me: No, don't stop the perfection, I love you.

Me: I just love him so much. . .

When I fangirl, half the time I sound like a strangled pterodactyl and the other half of the time I sound like a screaming monkey. ??

I am just weird. ??

Do you ever just make a really weird noise when you're fangirling, and then you scare yourself and just sit there like, "What even was that!?"

My grandma told me that there was something on the news about a Year 10 boy from my school making a hate website for the school. Apparently he's sick of everything and he's worried about his future like me.

*applauds* ???????

The other day, Smoking Boy was talking to TheDoctorsQueen in form, and he said that she doesn't have a social life because she reads so much. Then he said that I probably have more of a social life than her.

AHAHAHAHAHA.

. . .No.

I might post some more rants later. :/

Here is my second rant.

I am literally just so sick of my school. I don't learn anything in lessons, and I'm actually starting to worry about my future. If I don't get taught anything, how am I supposed to be successful and get anywhere in life? I bet nobody at my school will actually be able to get a job, because all we do at school every day is colouring, watching movies and playing on games.

It's only three years until I'm a Year 11 and I take my GCSEs. I don't want to fail See More my exams because the school didn't teach me anything. Half the time I teach myself at home, because I learn a lot better from myself than the teachers.

I want to be an author when I'm older, but in English we just watch movies, and in Literacy, the teacher just teaches me easy things that I could do when I was 4. The school says that everyone should be just starting to learn what we're learning about, but because of my disorder, I am unusually good at English for my age. That actually makes me glad to have it, because even if the school doesn't teach me well, I'll still have a lot of unusual, natural talent.

But how can I get better at things that I'm bad at, like Maths or Geography for example, when I don't get taught properly? I don't understand how the school hasn't been closed down yet, really. :/

Okay, here is my first rant.

So, today I found out that two people in my year self harm for attention. They literally go round telling people that they have scars, and roll their sleeves up in class and tell people that they self harm.

And then they laugh about it and tell people that they cut for attention.

I think that is disgusting and wrong. Everyone asks if they are okay and takes them to the pastoral mentor, and they're not even depressed. And of course, the pastoral See More mentors help them and ignore people like me, who are actually depressed. And if they weren't attention seeking, they probably wouldn't tell the pastoral mentors that they self harmed.

But whenever I go to the pastoral mentor and tell them about bad things happening to me, they tell me that I'm hallucinating and that I'm just imagining that people are being horrible to me. They call me pathetic and just tell me to speak more. But I'm the one who is actually going through things, and the two people who self harm just attention seek and go around TELLING PEOPLE THAT THEY'RE ATTENTION SEEKERS.

And they say that I'm imagining being treated unfairly. . . :/

Okay, I'm really fed up with my school today and I'm so sick of everything. So I'm going to rant a bit to get it out of my system. ?

I missed Science and Geography with the insane supply teacher because all of my year got to watch a play. ?

Today was okay, apart from having a panic attack in Maths for no reason whatsoever. :/

I have Science and Geography this morning, in the same room with the same teacher. ?

This means I'm going to be forced to listen to awful rock music for two hours and I won't get anything done. ?

Mika: Don't break up with me, or you'll end up in a song.

Me: Mika is Taylor Swift.

There's going to be a solar eclipse tomorrow morning. Everyone at my school was talking about it today, and I'm kind of excited for some reason. ?

Interviewer: If you were a superhero, who would you be?

Mika: Snoopy.

Interviewer: You think Snoopy is a superhero?

Mika: Duh!

There's this boy in my Art and Food Tech classes at school who has the same disorder as me, and he's honestly really creepy. O_o

I know he has the same disorder as me, because when I got sent to the school therapist last year, he was there and the therapist told me that he was like me.

Every time he gets asked to do work, he just writes 'blood, snot, kill' over and over again, and he looks at explicit pictures on his phone in class when he's only 12. In Art, when the teacher See More told him to fill out his progress review sheet, he wrote 'I learnt how to kill old ladies' as the answer to every question. The teacher yelled at him, but he just laughed creepily at her.

And this other boy said that he texted him at 2am saying, 'Kill me with a Chinese person's head'. When the boy asked him why he texted him that, he said, "Because I don't sleep and I want it to happen."

And when we were doing computer work about how to use sewing machines, he just typed 'Sewing machines were made for people to cut babies' heads off'.

He is honestly just disturbing and sick, and I don't think he should even be allowed in school. He makes me feel ashamed to have the same condition as him, and it makes me hate myself even more. O_O

Every day I have a different favourite Mika song, depending on how I'm feeling.

Yesterday I was in a Popular Song mood, but today I really love Step With Me. ❤

Today was okay, but something happened that made me so angry and so relieved at the same time.

CHALLENGE DAY GOT CANCELLED.

I was so angry, because I had been having panic attacks all morning about it. I got so stressed and upset because I didn't know where I was going. That means I was worrying about nothing. And all my followers on all my social media were sending me inspiring quotes and telling me that I can get through it, and now I feel bad because they were trying to help See More me through it and it got cancelled.

But I was also so relieved, because I was so scared and I really didn't want it to be Challenge Day. I was so worried about what would happen if I got lost.

But Challenge Day is going to be next Thursday now instead. :/