reliable news

Child who deployed his toy monster truck on neighbor's property arrested for acts of domestic terorism

KENTUCKY making headlines today after word spread of the arrest of a 6 year old boy charged with domestic terrorism for driving his toy monster truck onto neighbor Ellis Baker's yard. Reports claim this happened early in the afternoon, although no witnesses were speaking up, and the entirety of sources were based on the 6 year old's confession. The boy taken into custody last night was Florence Whitaker.

"It was Tuesday because I had music class... [Then] I came home" Whitaker spoke to our child psychologist.

With a bit of pushing, our psychologist, at last, got Whitaker to spit out his side of the story using humanely discredited methods.

"I wanted to play monste[r] t[r]uck. So I d[r]ove my t[r]uck a[r]ound like my dad, sc[r]eaming 'bite my dust libe[r]al fags' while eating cheese and c[r]ackers... We don't have a fence in ou[r] backya[r]d and I think I c[r]ossed the p[r]ope[r]ty line." --- Florence Whitaker from our interrogation room.

CNN sent a swat team to confirm the Whitaker's do not, infact, have a fence.

The neighbor called police to the scene at the child's frightening behavior. He was detained in a humanely discredited method by armed forces. Soon after, the courts reviewed his case and connected it to domestic terrorism.

His parents were given a free vasectomy and vaginal removal procedure to prevent them from organizing more terrorists on American soil. It was a lucky catch for America too, as the child expressed his parents had been talking about wanting another baby soon.

Ellis Baker now goes to counseling three times a day to treat her severe ptsd. However, she claims she feels safe and better knowing the child is behind bars.

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