Snapped
I got the black and white striped candies and a note almost every day that I got hit or raped by my father. I got them everyday for two months. They were the only lights in my dark days. I was whispering to my monochromatic clown in Italian when I felt an unfamiliar touch on my shoulder. I jumped and dove into a corner. When I looked up, my mouth dropped open. It was my monochromatic clown. He even had the feathers, black hair, and black and white cone nose. But wait. The doll was still in my hands. I looked at him carefully."Are you L.J?" I mouthed. I had been able to speak since I was seven, right after my father raped me for the first time. It's been six years since then. I grinned as he sat on my bed and I stood up shyly. He patted the bed.
"Come sit, doll." I tilted my head.
"You look like my clown." I held out my doll for him to see. I stepped closer and let him hold it.
"Where did you get it?" I shrugged.
"Do you know sign language?" I mouthed. He shook his head. I pouted then grabbed a note book and a pen.
"Why do you leave me candy and notes L.J?" I wrote. He grinned, showing pointy teeth, and I leaned in closer to look. He chuckled.
"Because you have a beautiful laugh and such a pretty smile, even if it is broken." I shook my head.
"No I don't. Nothing about me is beautiful." I protested. He scowled.
"That piece of shit you call father is despicable." He snarled. I tried to speak and my voice came out rough and scratchy from lack of use.
"I wish he were dead." I rasped. L.J looked shocked.
"That's the first time you've ever spoken." I grinned. We continued to talk and he sang Pop Goes the Weasel before he went home for the night. It was like that every night until a few weeks later. My father was eating the candies L.J gave me and burning the notes he had written. I snarled and attacked him, rage flowing through my body. But I was no match. But then he started to pull my pants down.
That was it.
I snapped. I grabbed a nearby knife and cut his face, from his forehead to his jaw. He roared in pain and then big men in white came into the room and restrained me. I fought like an animal until I escaped, and dashed over to where my L.J doll lay under the table, hugging it tightly and crying. I felt one of the men in white pick me up and cradle me as I held onto my clown desperately. He made soothing noises in my ear and held me all the way to the asylum. He never tried to take my little L.J doll away, and snapped at the nurse who tried to take it when we arrived.
"Don't," He snapped. "It keeps her calm. It's probably the only reason why she hasn't gone feral on us." The nurse nodded thoughtfully as I looked at her, my head upside down from where my head lay over the man's arms. I hugged L.J.Doll to my chest tightly and smiled at the nurse. Her face softened and she cupped my face, kissing my forehead. I looked at her with tears in my eyes as they took me to a padded white room.
"All I ever wanted was love. Thank you." I'm pretty sure I saw tears in her eyes as she realized that love was all I had needed. I probably wouldn't have snapped if I knew someone loved me.
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