The Chronicles of Nerdia

Bernard's entry

Name: Bernard Genghis Morton
Grade: 9

I have always been an academic student. Always (*snob, snob* Snape).
My mother died from cancer when I was eleven and my father walked off a cliff playing Pokémon Go. So I have been living with my Aunt Marcy. Aunt Marcy is very ditsy, lacks intellectual integrity and dates a new guy every Tuesday. Since I believe romantic relationships are unnecessary for a school student and are only a distraction naturally my aunt is concerned for my mental health. She believes I am depressed and that is why I spend hours in my room everyday. I STUDY SO I PASS MY HSC! My aunt came up with an interesting concept and proposal for me...
At the dinner table
"So, Berny me son, what's the latest news?" Aunt Marcy asked, as per usual. Nothing was out of the ordinary.
" I have been studying electromagnets. I-"
"Blah, blah, blah, nerdy, nerdy, nerdy. I mean who are you planning to ask out?" She leant every to me, her excessive amount of perfume whiffing into my nostrils. I could see every wrinkle and all the fake eye lashes from the previous day she hadn't wiped from her face.
"Aunt Marcy, I do not want to date." I replied firmly.
"Just listen to my proposal-"
"Aunt Marcy! I'm your nephew!"
"No!" She exclaimed, "Ew, I don't date nerds or relatives, bar my cousin Martin. That was one time though. Not the point, I propose a deal."
"What kind of deal?"
"You date a girl," I cringed and made vomited noise, "Hey! Hear me out! You date a girl and she must meet my approval, so no nerdy gross fat desperate chicks and I'll pay you ten dollars."
"Ten dollars! You want me to date- a pretty girl, for ten dollars. I can't even get a burger from the local Café for ten dollars."
"Fine I'll give you twenty." I knew I could get a little more from my aunt, so I kept on bluffing.
"Mario Kart 8 Deluxe is $59... I won't settle for less than that." I turned my back to Marcy and smirked to myself.
"You aren't going to get a beautiful girl if you still play Mario Kart."
"Even so, I refuse to date for money."
"Aw, you want to date for love."
"Gross Aunt Marcy."
"Fine. Just consider my deal. You could learn a lot." I knew then and there the answer was a definite 'NO'. Dating is not needed for school, Aunt Marcy just didn't get that.