Unsaid words finally spoken
Zayn's P.O.V.The tears where free falling. I was sitting on the hotel couch. Niall, Toni, Eleanor, and Louis were in my room with me and Jen. We were playing around when Jen took me aside.
"Zayn, what exactly happened?" Eleanor asked. Niall was on the phone with Liam and Harry. Louis and Eleanor were trying to figure out what was going on. Toni was just starring at me. I couldn't take it anymore. I stood up and declared that I was going to the bathroom. Louis continued to talk to Eleanor.
In the bathroom I splashed cold water on my face. Looking at my reflection in the mirror I don't see what I normally do. I pick up one of my razors, turning it over and over again in my hand. It doesn't feel right. I look at my face again. Wet checks, red eyes, scruffy, and in my eyes I don't see the young boy look anymore. Still holding the razor in my fingers I place it over my wrist. I'm no longer who I want to be anymore. Yes, I have fame now but what if people don't like me for me. What about my personality? Or is fame all I have now. I looked down at the razor positioned over my wrist. Too many thoughts were in my head.
"Don't!" It was Toni. She had a stricken look on her face. I dropped the razor. She took hold of my wrist, I hadn't realized that I had been holding it so roughly on my skin that I had a little cut that was trickling blood out. She sits on the floor and I sit across from her, its a big bathroom so we have room.
"Explain everything." She commands. Her voice is firm but there is a sooth to is as well.
"Jen said she didn't love me, that she actually hated me. She was using me the whole time, she wanted fame, sex, and to see the world. I didn't want to have sex so she told me everything. She was gone within an hour. Gosh, I should have known she was too perfect. I know I should hate her but I still love her, I just hate myself." I spill. I am expecting her to reply with a soothing comment that will make everything better.
She says this instead, "Zayn, pull yourself together. You were ready to kill yourself over a girl who doesn't like you. What about all the other girls in the world who have real problems?" She is sad but she doesn't understand. We sit for a while. I let her words sink in; of course she is right.
She tells me about her past. Suddenly I understand how Niall never wants to let her go because if he does he is afraid she will leave.
"Can I tell you a secret?" She asks me timidly. I nod and she continues. "I'm anorexic. Niall doesn't know, I haven't told anyone before. I'm not ashamed, I just don't want him to change me." I am stunned at her words. I don't know how to respond.
"Can I tell you something?" I ask. She looks into my eyes and I take that as a go ahead. "We are all jealous of your relationship with Niall. That's why I am so devastated over Jen leaving." She looks at me, as if for the first time she is starting to comprehend anything that has been said tonight. She looks at me differently than she ever has.
We sit there on the floor for a while, just talking. Finally Niall knocks on the door asking if she was in there. She slips out, leaving me alone. I stand up and look at myself again. The little innocent boy look is back in my eyes, fuller than ever. I feel so much better now. Toni understands, I know we are friends now.
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