New Story Idea "The Miserable Prince" - need an honest opinion

Excerpt

Prince Matthew cautiously followed his younger brother Prince David out of the alley and into the town, grateful for the cloaks Jess gave them. “He runs a bakery.” He pointed out as David scanned the area. Suddenly a random voice yelled out from behind them, “Hey! Who are you?!”   
And before they knew it, they were surrounded by angry defensive townsfolk. David gulped and Matthew leaned over. “Bro, can I just state the obvious right now?”
  “Sure, man.”
  “We’re screwed.”
  “Very screwed.”
  The townspeople neared, angrily muttering amongst themselves. “You’re intruders!” another person yelled.
  “You work for the Queen!” They waved their shovels and pans at them threateningly, and it didn’t look good until Matthew suddenly stepped forward.
  “Wait.” He cried. Everyone paused in their attack. “We come in peace. My comrade and I were only looking for a man named Edgar.”
  A girl stepped forward form among the angry crowd. “Edgar?” she repeated, smoothing back her short brown hair. David’s breath caught in his throat as soon as he saw her.
  “Yes...do you know him?” Matthew said gently, turning to her.
  She glanced between them and nodded. “Yeah, I know him. Who are you?” she asked, a little unnerved.
  Matthew followed her and the irked crowd dispersed, seeing the mysterious girl had the intruders covered. David followed as well, his eyes not leaving the girl even once. “I’m...” Matthew started, glancing at David questioningly, who nodded. He turned fully back to the girl. “I’m Prince Matthew of Beamsdale. And this is my friend...um...Bro.”
  The girl stopped. "‘Bro’? His name is Bro?” she said with a laugh. “And you’re a prince? Prince Matthew?” She paused. “Well, what are you doing here?”
  “We come on the behalf of our friend Jess.” David said, with slight difficulty due to his lingering shock. “He’s wondering what happened to his family.”
  The girl bit her lip, deep in thought. “Jess...I don’t remember that name, but my dad might.”
  David sucked in a breath as he looked at her. “What is your name?” he asked quietly.


  The girl turned to him as they reached Edgar’s Bakery. “My name is Evelyn. I’m sorry, I should have introduced myself sooner.” She smiled. “Are you a prince too, Bro?”
  Just as he was about to reply when a man came out of the shop, wiping his hands on a rag. He stopped when he saw Matthew. “Prince Matthew?” The man’s eyes widened and Matthew sighed.
  “I know, I know, I look really different...”
  “No,” the man said, with a shake of his head. “You look absolutely the same as you did when you were eleven.” Matthew opened his mouth to protest, but Evelyn stepped forward.
  “Father, these young men are here to see you.” She said, turning and smiling at David.

(excerpt from The Miserable Prince, Chapter Four)