Black And White (1)

Natsu

"Why"." why was it her and not me"."ever since Satsuma died my life went in a dark hole and never came back"." I just want to". "DIE"! and that's when Satsuma came back. "Ashikaga stop don't do this to yourself"! "Satsuma". I couldn't believe she was here. but how was she here. maybe she didn't die. " this is impossible  how are you here"? "I wasn't ready to leave this world i still have some unfinished business  to do". "you look so normal how is this possible." "can anyone else see you"? "no Ashikaga only you can see me nobody else can hear me or touch  me but you".  "I don't understand why. can we still start a family"? "no Ashikaga i'm still dead until i'm ready  to cross over i still have to comfort you until your ready to let me go". that's when everything happened it was the worst thing that could happen to me in life all i could say was what repeatedly. then i stopped.
"what"! i didn't know what she meant but it was hard for me to understand her and what she was saying but i figured out a way to realize what she was saying. my mind was blank I couldn't process anything in my mind well at first i couldn't do anything but sit there and sob and feel sorry for myself
I thought to myself about how to let her go but i couldn't picture a day without Satsuma. so I thought that i could cross over with her so we could be together until we are no longer together. but at the same time I didn't want to let her go. it was hard for me to decide what I wanted to do  but i had to decide something. life or death i didn't know what to do so i just told her what i i wanted but i knew it wasn't going to be the right answer for her . I started to tell her my answer but I hesitated I really  wanted to tell her but it was hard for me to tell her the truth about what I want to say to her it was the most stupidest thing ever that i could say but I had to get it out somehow  but it was heart breaking to tell her this
but it slipped out and i was so embarrassed  so i started crying even more and i felt sorry for myself there was a pit in my stomach and a guilty feeling
" But I don't want to let you go"! Ashikaga Kun don't yell at me.  eventually you will have to face it and let me go so i can be free". "well then i will be with you i'll cross over with you we"ll be together again. think about it Satsuma". " I have. it's a stupid idea if you kill yourself you wont be with me   you will only suffer forever" "I don't care i want to be with you Satsuma I don't care if i suffer as long as i'm with you i'm fine. i'll see you on the other side" I was stopped by this strange force i couldn't speak or move i froze but it wasn't me who froze Satsuma was controlling me i was scared of her power so I stopped.  I froze up again and i was choking on a bunch of sadness and tears but once again my mind was blank all i could think of is nothing until I looked up at Satsuma I felt like such an idiot and wanted to slap myself so hard in the face to show how much of an idiot i was being,how much self pity i was showing ,how selfish i was, and how sorry i was being for myself it was a shame that I did that in front of Satsuma and how she might think i became this horrid person a bad husband even though we aren't married i wish we were but shes dead and she probably doesn't want me to anyways but that's all feeling guilty about how i was acting in front of her she looked so scared when i was acting like an idiot.
I was a disgrace to all men in the world to be so idiotic in front of a lady I cant bear living with myself I bet if i look in the mirror it would break.
so that's when i found out  how stupid i was being. and I started apologizing . " i'm so sorry Satsuma I  was so stupid to put you through this after all i'm happy with you here now" " thank you for straightening up your stupidity shall we continue to go home or no". " yeah lets go it's freezing out here". Satsuma started laughing at me I got mad for some reason but oh well it wasn't that bad so we continued to walk home . everyone seemed so happy to see that i was happy but if i told anyone that Satsuma was a ghost no one would  believe me. To Be Continued in Black And White (preview of next chapter) "Satsuma how do you make a pie"! " what kind of flavor do you want to make"? "pie flavor"! "your stupid" " come on how do you make a pie that's pie flavor"? " this is gonna take a while"