Afternoon With Blue 502
I rub my arms and hold myself tighter as the wind whips around me. Squinting, I can see the Blue Dorm. I walk faster. Blue 502 walks beside me. I clutch my Blue Tokens tightly and push on.We reach the Blue Dorm. Blue 502 slides the door open for me. "Thanks," I wheeze, stumbling into the building. Blue 502 puts an arm around my shoulders and helps me up the stairs. When we get to my dorm room, he opens the door again. I collapse onto my bed, massaging my numb legs.
"Funny how you're so sensitive to the cold," Blue 502 says, running his fingers through his hair. "You're a Blue, after all. Blue's a pretty cold color. You're defying the Blue etiquette." He says that last part disdainfully, as if it has a bad taste. Then his eyes grow wider as he realizes his mistake. "Sorry 'bout that. Didn't catch myself in time to stop that improper tone. Etiquette should be respected."
I roll my eyes. "Not necessarily. S'okay if you have an opinion about that stuff." I slide open my desk drawer and slip my Blue Tokens into it. The automatic Token Counter beeps.
"You have 1,573 Blue Tokens," announces the Token Counter. I shut the drawer and grab the Token Catalog from my pillow. Flipping through it, I sigh.
"What's wrong?" Blue 502 asks, eyebrows furrowing.
"Nothing. That wasn't a bad sigh. It was a bored sigh. I've got enough Blue Tokens for everything in the Blue Section of the Token Catalog, but I don't really want any of this stuff. I'm thinking of collecting Turquoise Tokens - they've got cool stuff for me to get."
His eyes bug out. "No way in heck I'd let you do that! It is against the rules to buy materials that aren't your color, even if you DO have that color tokens!"
"Yeah, but I don't really understand WHY they have that rule." I wrinkle my nose and flip to the Turquoise Section of the Token Catalog. "I mean, check this stuff out! InspirePutty! It makes you have really good ideas, be really smart, and be resourceful! Just like JoyPutty makes you happy!" I jab my finger at another picture. "A pad of paper and some pens! You'd be allowed to write and draw on paper whatever you wanted, and it says here that these pens leave a shiny sparkly color line!" I flop back on my bed and squeeze my eyes closed.
Blue 502 shakes his head and takes the Token Catalog from me. "Look at what Blue things you can get, though." He points to a Blue Section page. "A journal! You'd write down your thoughts and ideas and what happened that day. And look at this- a yoga mat! Apparently, yoga is this exercise that makes your head empty, and you feel completely peaceful and insightful when you're done!"
But he can't change my mind. I open my eyes and set my jaw. My mind is made up. I'm going to talk to a Turquoise Pupil tomorrow about trading Tokens.
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NO ONE fits into just ONE of these personality types.
But I still love the story.
And I know that no one fits into just one, but the "Head" (rulers of the society) kind of make them act only a certain way. Plus, the TraitFood enhances their color's personality traits.
So basically, she's been mistyped and needs to be moved to Turquoise. Simple. I don't know why this is a problem. :3
Also... It's against the rules of a personality type to be susceptible to cold...? That makes no sense at all.
About the Turquoise thing. I kinda just imaged it as a seprate mall you can't enter since your personality is not the same colour as the mall and even if you entered instead of dollars they use euros.
And that thing with the cold. What if red was really weak against heat, that would probably also be very weird in that messed up humanity See More ^-^
Well you gotta agree this is a pretty cool story though :3
And even though I'm critiquing, I hope that it's clear that I absolutely LOVE this story. That's the reason why I AM critiquing, actually. XD
**IF YOU HAVE NOT READ THE BOOK "THE GIVER" DON'T READ BELOW**
In the Giver, there's no color, the weather is controlled, and everyone has to take a shot of medicine before they leave in the morning. Also, in the Giver, when you get old, you're "Released," which basically means See More killed.
Sorry, Imma geek. >.<
Ai, I get what you mean
maybe she has some of the strong 'blue' personality causalities and has been 'categorized' as one of them.
but seeing them as an alien race wouldn't be bas, it might make it more interesting. maybe in the future they meet humanity or somethin :3
Personality types have literally zero to do with skin and how our bodies handle different temperatures. If this is an alien race and the rules for that are different, than I'd See More accept that answer. But I'm pretty sure that these are humans, soo... This is a stupid rule and it's really bothering me. >.<
Yeah, it really is an awesome story, I'm just confused and kind of bothered by a few of the things and couldn't help but critique.
The heroine is 'breaking' the barier of ideas and ways of looking upon oneself and expanding it.
The only thing I want to say to keep in mind is that I hope you make her realise 'on time' that she needs alies and real friends to reach her goal
But I really like this cool idea and hope you'd continue it :D
It's weird how 'original' this is See More while nothing in it is XD
Although I find a few problems with the society. Psychologically, these kids wouldn't be developed enough to receive a standard personality trait until their late teens. Also, it's kind of just stupid to call everyone the same name. The kind of people who would create a "haven" like this would be giving each kid a separate name. Maybe one girl is named See More Chartreuse, and another Rose. Colors that fit into that color category, but not the basic color itself. And what's the purpose of feeding these kids blue goop? Just to make the society seem distasteful? I actually have a LOT more to say about this society and how it could be edited to be more realistic and actually beneficial. But I'm guessing that that's not what you're going for, so I guess I'll just stick with "Awesome!!"? ^_^