cbr diary

monday, may 24th, 2021

cbr here.
last night was... strange. i went to bed feeling tired. i shouldve gone to sleep relatively easily. but, i didnt. in a voice that sounded rather generic and more faded i was having thoughts about death. i think constantine may have been doing this, and once i realized it was the work of him, it promptly stopped. of course, rowlf sent me some positive thoughts to help with what i had witnessed, but it was too late and i had trouble falling asleep.
i woke up a lot earlier too. at 7:30. i was able to convince myself to sleep for another 45 minuts but then i just had to admit defeat and get up.
i did tell miko about this yesterday though i had to bend the truth so she wouldnt get jealous of rowlf. i do love her way wayy more but i really want to do this project. its not like shes coming on qfeast any time soon and if she does theres still such a low chance of her findinh this acc.
i started with the sketchbook. i found a nice medium sized 200 page one that even has an index. i might make a map of this world, which im dubbing 3218. i have to do a bit more planning before this, but ill draw it in the inner cover of the sketchbook so its not randomly in the middle of various muppet sketches.
the fanfiction has been started too. crepe is my way to place myself into 3218, sort of like a persona i turn into when im there. idk if i should make a journal for all this stuff but i think ill just rewrite my diary entries in it. when i go back into school ill just carry this shit around and work on it so i can be known as THAT kid.
i keep visioning rowlf as this punk boy. maybe this is what he wants to look like or what his psyche looks like? ill start drawing him like that, though. itll make him happy.
after i posted my sketches, i realized i forgot crepes glasses. this couldve been just forgetfulness, but you can never be too careful so it couldve been constantine. i didnt let myself get too upset over it, but shortly afted i was having a hard time drawing well. i went to organize some clothes to get my mind off it and found my rowlf hat! that mustve been a sign from him. thats when i started having thoughts about punk rowlf more, too, and my drawing ability was restored. thank you!
cbr out.